Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with my sons school

88 replies

Crispymandm · 06/06/2023 10:18

So first day back and my ds is 9 years old. He’s small for his age and has a few medical issues. We had signed him up for after school rounders club, first one was to start Monday 3-4. I checked in the morning if it was on and was told I would be called if it wasn’t, I then rang school at 2:30 and was told all ok pick him up at 4.

My ds usually walks part way home himself up to the large duel carriageway road where I meet him, we have a 20 min walk home , I have told him to meet me here as I feel the road is to big to cross himself just yet.

So I’m thinking he’s safe at school until I have a knock on the door from another child at 3:30 to say my son is panicking at the side of the road when he last saw him. I got my shoes on and started sprinting to the road while calling the school to see where my son is, the school answered and said they had assumed I changed my mind and picked him up.

I round the corner to the big road to see police pulling in and my poor ds sat crying, when I get to him and calm him down he tells me he went to rounders club and there were no other children or teachers there, so he thought it wasn’t on, he knew I was ringing to check so thought I would be meeting him. He looked back down the street at the school when I didn’t come but it was locked and all the other children/ parents had gone. Apparently no other children had signed up for the club.

I have emailed the school this morning but no reply as yet, am I been unreasonable thinking they shouldn’t assume I had picked him up? And also they should realise if only one child has signed for a club to let me know it wouldn’t be on? I have spoken to my ds about what to do if this situation happens again and think I will let him keep his phone in his bag.

OP posts:
tymberland · 06/06/2023 10:22

Given that you rang and checked and they told you it was on, I'd be pretty angry with school over this. I think the school will say they let him go as he has permission to walk home anyway, but I don't think that's good enough and they should have told you if the club was cancelled. I'm assuming they have up to date contact details for you?

Alargeoneplease89 · 06/06/2023 10:23

Honestly that is shocking, I would be making a complaint to the headteacher. Normally forms say if they can leave themselves etc but considering you phoned to check it was on and they would call if it wasn't would make me rage.

Your poor DS, I hope he's OK.

Tenacioustattle · 06/06/2023 10:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LolaSmiles · 06/06/2023 10:25

They should have called you to say it wasn't on. It's poor they didn't and in your shoes I would also want to speak to someone.

I would imagine they allowed him out at the end of the day because he normally walks home from school without a parent (and the arrangements once released are a family issue not a school issue, so as far as they're concerned he walks home).

Original poster
Crispymandm · 06/06/2023 10:28

Yes as he has medical issues I am often called to pick him up, so they definitely have my number. I had ticked the box on the club form that he would be collected from school as he wouldn’t have any friends to walk partway with. This is usual for us as he does a few after school clubs.

OP posts:
AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 06/06/2023 10:41

Perhaps they thought other children might change their mind and end up staying? But they absolutely should have let you know.

Letting him home at the end of the day when that's the arrangement isn't unexpected.

LolaSmiles · 06/06/2023 10:52

Crispymandm
I would imagine that because he was released at the end of the school day then your usual end of the day arrangements were followed rather than the end of after-school club arrangements.

I hope school get back in touch with you and they tighten up communication about clubs being cancelled.

Swannyb · 06/06/2023 10:53

Imagine if a child was hurt or worse after school and the schools response was ‘oh, we assumed a parent was picking him up’. Not okay.

Creepybookworm · 06/06/2023 10:54

This is a massive safeguarding fail by the school. In the school I used to work in there were registers for each club which were given to the person running the club early in the day so they knew which children to expect. They were cross referenced with registers and emails from parents. A person then went to each club and checked all the expected children had arrived. This has to done within 10 mins of the start (sometimes loads of clubs). If the child did not arrive at the club it would be noted and investigated with their teacher.

Creepybookworm · 06/06/2023 10:56

Also clubs not running had to cancelled in the morning to give parents enough time to make arrangements. If they were not they would keep the children and another activity would be arranged. To stop situations like this.

lanthanum · 06/06/2023 10:56

If you checked it was on that morning, when do they think you "changed your mind"? If you had, then surely they would have to have taken a message to tell your son about the change of plan.

Tenacioustattle · 06/06/2023 10:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Moonandme123 · 06/06/2023 11:11

Why did his class teacher not check that he had gone to the club and waited or taken him to the office? I’m a teacher of this age group and walk my class round to clubs to make sure they get there and the club is ready for them. Poor safeguarding on their part. I would contact the school DSL.

HecticHedgehog · 06/06/2023 11:14

Not acceptable

LolaSmiles · 06/06/2023 12:04

Given this is a school that is happy for. 9 year old with serious medical issues leave the site alone every day and meet his mother at a duel carriage…. I’m guessing safeguarding isn’t their forte
To be fair (and I think school have cocked up on the club situation) if a parent has said that they are happy for their child to walk home from school, that's the parents' decision knowing their child, the route home and any other information.

Some schools have a policy of 8 and older but there's not a legal rule on when a child is allowed to walk home alone.

My gut would be the same as yours from the information given, however the OP is the parent. It's not really the school failing in safeguarding here for the parent's decision that a child can walk home.

Marsyas · 06/06/2023 12:08

This is almost exactly what happened to me 40 years ago except I was seven and it was netball club - no-one there, thought it wasn't on, headed home even though it was a 30/40 minute walk. Amazing it can still happen these days.

Soontobe60 · 06/06/2023 12:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

The parent - ie OP - has made this arrangement. School have agreed to it. It’s down to the parent to make that decision!

Soontobe60 · 06/06/2023 12:13

OP, until you have heard back from the school about this, everything else is just pure speculation. It could have been that DS went to the wrong classroom for practice, couldn't find anyone so just went home. No one would have stopped him as you have already arranged for him to walk home alone part of the way from school, so why would he be stopped?

PollyPut · 06/06/2023 12:17

As far as I'm aware, most schools don't allow 9 year olds to leave school unattended at all, even with parental permission. Are you in UK @Crispymandm ?

PuttingDownRoots · 06/06/2023 12:18

Loads of 9yos leave my childrens school alone... if the parent signs the permission slip, its the parents responsibility how they get home after that.

The relevant question is about the club. Was it on, and should a child not turning up be noticed. I would ask about the procedures for registering children at clubs and whether there is a procedure for a missing child.

Original poster
Crispymandm · 06/06/2023 12:34

Hi, over half my sons class walk home alone, my ds asked to and I wasn’t comfortable with it, but because of his medical issues holing him back from his peers in other respects I (maybe wrongly) said he could meet me before the road. It has been a huge confidence boost for him even though it is a 4-5 minute walk to the road.

I have since heard from ds teacher saying she doesn’t know how this could have happened and she will investigate further.

I also had a school ping at 3:46 yesterday (so after I have called the school panicked and running for my son) to say rounders club is cancelled this week due to low numbers.

In my eyes this cancellation should have been communicated to both me and my ds.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crispymandm · 06/06/2023 12:37

Yes I am in the uk, it’s a small school and I’m aware children younger than my ds make their own way home. My concern is that in my eyes the school was accountable for my ds until 4pm.

OP posts:
PollyPut · 06/06/2023 12:45

@Crispymandm some (many) schools have after-school club children collected from the teacher before the rest of the class is dismissed. Can/does your school have this in place? It would have got around the problem when no-one from the club came to collect him.

Make sure your child knows they can go to reception and call you and speak to you on the school phone if they are unsure what to do.

PuttingDownRoots · 06/06/2023 12:48

They need to investigate why you were not informed of the cancellation.

Whenever clubs at my DDs school are cancelled on the day they ask all the parents to acknowledge they have received the message. No acknowledgement= child isn't released.

Also talk with your son on what to do if you are not at the meeting point. I've always told mine to go back to school for example.

Tenacioustattle · 06/06/2023 12:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.