To be upset with my sons school

[Crispymandm]

So first day back and my ds is 9 years old. He’s small for his age and has a few medical issues. We had signed him up for after school rounders club, first one was to start Monday 3-4. I checked in the morning if it was on and was told I would be called if it wasn’t, I then rang school at 2:30 and was told all ok pick him up at 4.

My ds usually walks part way home himself up to the large duel carriageway road where I meet him, we have a 20 min walk home , I have told him to meet me here as I feel the road is to big to cross himself just yet.

So I’m thinking he’s safe at school until I have a knock on the door from another child at 3:30 to say my son is panicking at the side of the road when he last saw him. I got my shoes on and started sprinting to the road while calling the school to see where my son is, the school answered and said they had assumed I changed my mind and picked him up.

I round the corner to the big road to see police pulling in and my poor ds sat crying, when I get to him and calm him down he tells me he went to rounders club and there were no other children or teachers there, so he thought it wasn’t on, he knew I was ringing to check so thought I would be meeting him. He looked back down the street at the school when I didn’t come but it was locked and all the other children/ parents had gone. Apparently no other children had signed up for the club.

I have emailed the school this morning but no reply as yet, am I been unreasonable thinking they shouldn’t assume I had picked him up? And also they should realise if only one child has signed for a club to let me know it wouldn’t be on? I have spoken to my ds about what to do if this situation happens again and think I will let him keep his phone in his bag.

I'm a teacher and I would go BALLISTIC at the school. This is a huge safeguarding issue, it's absolutely ridiculous and they don't have a leg to stand on. I'm so sorry for your DS, what a fright you must both have got :(

This is terrible. Our school don’t let children out of the building at the end of the day unless they see the adult collecting them. Then all the children going elsewhere (eg clubs) are escorted and handed over to adults at that club.

only exception is year 6 who are allowed to leave to walk home alone.

your poor son. My 9 year old wouod ahve freaked out too.

id Be expecting the school to explain how it happened and looking at their processes for making sure it doesn’t happen again.

Two issues here, yes this is absolutely poor by the school especially as you rang to check. It's a safeguarding fail and should be dealt with robustly.

Secondly though, if your ds' response to a problem (you not being at the dual carriageway) is to sit down by the roadside and cry, I'd suggest he isn't quite mature enough to be walking (part of the way) home alone yet.
My ds is almost 11 and I wouldn't let him loose along a dual carriageway yet and whilst I know this sort of think is a hotly discussed topic on Mumsnet, I'd suggest that the child's maturity in being able to solve a problem should something go wrong, is something that should be taken into consideration.

I think this shows errors on both sides and shows he isn’t ready for that responsibility just yet as he didn’t know what to do when things go wrong, and things do go wrong from time to time.

you have rightly raised the issue with school but I would return to picking him up from school until the time he is ready not the time others do it.

Tbh he doesn't sound ready to be walking home by himself regardless. I think you need to pick him up from the school.

What a shitty fucking school.

I think it depends on how mature your 9-yo is? We usually get children walking home from y5 onwards, and they are the village kids who live just down the road from the school which is also in a village location so no large roads involved.

If there have been no mishaps with him walking the few minutes down the road towards the dual carriageway, I'd let him continue to do this but on any days with clubs, make it clear to him the arrangement is different and he must stay at school.

School should have had better communication and this needs to be addressed with them asap with the head teacher.

Not blaming your son but he should have gone back inside the school building? Teachers do not all just immediately leave the building at 3pm like some people believe😂trust me most work till gone 5/6 most days and have meetings, INSETs after school every day. There would of been someone inside the building , head teacher, clerk, cleaners at the very least. It's not a situation where everyone clears out and by 3.10 the building is empty.

YANBU. They should have told you no other children had signed up when you rang.

I can’t believe 8 year olds are allowed to leave school on their own though... I’m in my 30’s and we had to wait until year 6 before we were allowed to leave unaccompanied (and no dual carriageways nearby either).

Perhaps the doors were locked and (being 9) he just assumed everyone had gone?

I had a similar situation with my dc once. There'd been an incident at school and he was upset and wanted to come home after school and not go to his usual club. Obviously nobody was there to pick him up so he just left. I absolutely bollocked him but I did feel like the school should have been aware that he wasn't at the club and at least questioned if someone had collected him.

What happened with your ds was worse because he didn't choose to leave, the club wasn't even there for him. Poor love. He was sensible though, be proud of him for that.

It's also very common for 9 year olds to walk home alone with permission at our school. Not the outrage that some posters are making out.

Can I ask how the police got involved?

I am sorry this happened to your son.

This is a massive mistake from the school but the distress would have been avoided if he had had a phone on him to let you know.

Not if the parent has given their permission/instruction for same. School is not a prison.

Plenty of school refuse to let children below a certain age leave unless an adult collects them. no they aren’t prisons but they do have a duty of care and I suppose each school draws the line at different ages with regards to leaving the school premises alone.

Before 3.30pm? Of course they hadn't.

Definitely pursue this issue with the school, they would have known that rounders was cancelled when you called them.

Also, please don’t let DS walk by himself again until you’ve given him a phone. I was even given a phone back in the 90s age 11 for this purpose, just for emergencies.

The school I work in does allow y5 and 6 children to walk home or walk to meet parents at the car park close by. We regularly emphasise to the children that if they arrive at their meeting point or home and there is an issue that they should immediately return to school and ring the office doorbell. In common with many schools, the children’s gate is locked after the children leave - not least to keep safe children on the playground for after school clubs.
if you wish to continue with the arrangement for your son to walk home , I suggest being very specific about which school entrance to return to as there will definitely have been lots of people there. At primary school age you want your child to be back with an adult as soon as possible who can ensure their safety and problem solve for them. A phone is probably not permitted in school and is also subject to issues with battery, signal or something being up with the person he calls.
The school also need to revise their procedures when a club is cancelled. Please ensure you get clarity as to the procedures that should have been followed and how the school will avoid the situation recurring. Your call should have triggered the club situation to be checked out and both you and your son being clearly notified so you could make appropriate arrangements.

If a phone isn’t permitted at the school, then given what has happened with the poor care, I’d personally demand your son has a phone and can hand it in at reception at the start of the day. Failing that, school pick up may be best for now.

Ds did this when football club was cancelled but they didn't let him or me know.
He walked 40 minutes home still wearing his football boots aged 8yo.

I was tempted to pretend to turn up to collect him at 4.30 and see what panic they got into.
I did let them know I was seriously unimpressed.
But it's a junior school and any child can walk home. They're just released at the end of a day from the day they arrive at 7yo.

Actually I discovered subsequently they didn't tell parents if a club was cancelled, they sent them to the after school club - and then sent an invoice charging the parents, which I think is very cheeky.

This is really awful but I think you are giving DS too much responsibility at 9 . If he can’t get from school to home alone he shouldn’t be walking yet.

This kind of thing happened to me at a similar age - horrible.

Awful. What have the school said?