To be upset with my sons school

[Crispymandm]

So first day back and my ds is 9 years old. He’s small for his age and has a few medical issues. We had signed him up for after school rounders club, first one was to start Monday 3-4. I checked in the morning if it was on and was told I would be called if it wasn’t, I then rang school at 2:30 and was told all ok pick him up at 4.

My ds usually walks part way home himself up to the large duel carriageway road where I meet him, we have a 20 min walk home , I have told him to meet me here as I feel the road is to big to cross himself just yet.

So I’m thinking he’s safe at school until I have a knock on the door from another child at 3:30 to say my son is panicking at the side of the road when he last saw him. I got my shoes on and started sprinting to the road while calling the school to see where my son is, the school answered and said they had assumed I changed my mind and picked him up.

I round the corner to the big road to see police pulling in and my poor ds sat crying, when I get to him and calm him down he tells me he went to rounders club and there were no other children or teachers there, so he thought it wasn’t on, he knew I was ringing to check so thought I would be meeting him. He looked back down the street at the school when I didn’t come but it was locked and all the other children/ parents had gone. Apparently no other children had signed up for the club.

I have emailed the school this morning but no reply as yet, am I been unreasonable thinking they shouldn’t assume I had picked him up? And also they should realise if only one child has signed for a club to let me know it wouldn’t be on? I have spoken to my ds about what to do if this situation happens again and think I will let him keep his phone in his bag.

@PollyPut This does usually happen with clubs, but if it’s outdoor like tennis club last term they meet the teacher outside at a certain building. Ds said he waited but nobody (children nor teacher) came.
He said when I didn’t meet him as usual he did run back down to his school street but it was locked up, we have had a big talk about safety, he would usually ask another parent to call me but they had already all passed as he had waited at school so long.

We have since come up with plans incase he can’t see another parent or get back to school, he was so scared it broke my heart, I am so lucky nothing serious happened. I feel so awful. Surley the school should know before club starts that it’s to be cancelled, and they knew my ds wasn’t on school property. Surley a quick phone call should be expected?

9 years is too young. On his own.Medical issues. Meeting at a duel carriageway.

I can’t get my head around the school being on with this, let alone the mother.

If I asked my school to allow this for my 10 year old, point blank they’d say no.
I'd come to the same decision as you for my DC, but we aren't this child's parents so it's irrelevant what we would do for our DC.

The school are not responsible for establishing which route their pupils take home, nor are they responsible for the logistics for each family beyond the school day.
(eg. Some children might walk to a relative's house instead of home, some might meet their parent at a sibling's school or nursery, or their parent's work if it's close by, others walk home, others might go to a family friend).

It's parents' responsibility to make arrangements for travel to and from school based on their situation and knowledge of the child.

Of the five schools my children have attended its been Year 3 for one, 10yo for one and Year 5 for the others.
Indeed during Covid Yr5/6 parents were banned from school grounds at many schools I know...

However since as Mumsnet likes to point out its a parental decision, and the parents gave permission, the school allowing it is a moot point. The problem was whether or not the correct procedure for a club cancellation was followed.

So he went to a club after school that was not on school property? Unaccompanied? And that's the norm - they meet the teacher not on school property for these clubs?

@Tenacioustattle I am often anxious yes, ds has a stoma and has a few other non serious issues like hyper mobility. This is 4-5 minutes of freedom and responsibility I allow him so he can feel like his peers. He’s a very responsible boy and didn’t attempt to cross the road alone. Also many other parent are known to us and neighbors walk this way too, but as he had waited at school these people had already passed.

@PollyPut yes it’s on school property but the PE building isn’t part of the main building.

I think this is unacceptable. I absolutely agree that he should be the schools accountability / responsibility until the end of the club. It’s bad planning & comms on the part of the school. They can’t just assume you’ve collected him. I think you need to discuss with the head of school. I think if the club is off site then the adult should accompany them to the site.

I don't understand the setup - surely if the PE building was on the main site then there would be some way into it (using a doorbell or similar - or was that out of reach of shorter/younger pupils in which case that might need to be addressed).

But I would expect that the club teachers collect them after school from class, with a club register, and they walk over together to the club, so that these types of problems can't occur with children going missing on the way to clubs. The clubs will have a register, they should be checking that each child who is expected is actually there (or otherwise accounted for). Occasionally a club teacher might be sick - it shouldn't be assumed that this situation won't recur.

However since as Mumsnet likes to point out its a parental decision, and the parents gave permission, the school allowing it is a moot point. The problem was whether or not the correct procedure for a club cancellation was followed.
Agree with this. It's irrelevant what choices we might make with your children. The OP, who knows her son, has made a decision and there's not much more to it.

The focus is the cock up with communication about the club

Really poor. The school were responsible for him until 4pm. Even if it had been safe for him to walk home, you could easily have been out so he would have been locked out of the house and would have had to wait for you on the doorstep. They should not have let him leave without getting acknowledgement from you of the club cancellation, so you could then have made arrangements to pick up/ be home for your DC.

@PollyPut yes that’s correct , it’s just outside his classroom door really. They do the sport club outside so I’m not sure if he tried to access the building, it’s not a classroom more of a storage facility for outdoor toy and PE supplies. Ds says the PE teacher is usually there waiting for the children.

I have asked what procedure is in my email and how ds has been allowed to slip through the net. Given I rang at 2:30 pm and was told rounders club was still on I don’t know why a staff member wouldn’t have turned up and how ds was left alone.

I feel so awful that my poor ds has had this awful experience and I don’t think I will let him attend club or leave school to meet me anymore. Anything could have happened to him.

In our school a 9yo isn't allowed out alone at all. I would complain to the school this is not good safeguarding at all.

I'd also rethink you leaving him alone to walk home from school again. Doesn't sound like he's ready. I mean that as a separate issue to the incident and not meaning to victim blame.

That's very poor. I would want to talk to their DSL.

@Crispymandm let him attend clubs, they are good for him.

But make it clear that he must not leave school later than normal end of school day without you for any reason whatsoever, and that he must feel free to use the school office phone to call if he is uncertain what to do (or get the receptionist to call you and make sure he understands the conversation.

@Crispymandm I personally wouldn't be letting my 9 y o walk home alone either, even part way, and definitely not with a dual carriageway involved. But then no school or youth group I've ever been involved with would allow that in the first place

I would be angry with the school and ask them how they are going to ensure this never happens again to any child.
However, you also need to teach your son that should something like this happen he should go back to school/to somewhere safe. He can't sit at the side of a road crying.

He did go back, everyone had left.

It seems pretty obvious that if a club starting at 3 is cancelled then the school needs to let parents know well before 3 to allow them time to get there to collect their children. They must have known by 2.30 how many people they had signed up, so they should never have told you that the club was still happening.

Your pick up system is flawed because when something goes wrong, either at school or home, it leaves a 9yr old waiting by a dual carriageway. That is the thing you have control over and you need to fix to avoid future issues.

i pulled a child out of a school for similar safeguarding mishaps. They had no processes for anything so if there was a stand-in teacher, it was hit-and-miss if your child was brought into after school club and not just shoved out the door.

I’d bring this to the head and safeguarding officer if a different person.

So he walked up to the main road and could turn round and see the school, a short walk where there would be other kids and parents so not a dangerous thing at all as long as the school communicated.

Maybe your school is in a different sort of area but I can't see any issue with a 9 year old doing this.

Don't take away his freedom because of this. Complain so that the school set up a better procedure, and make a back up plan for yourself.

It's not fair to take that away when he did the best thing he could and kept himself safe.