Is he just being 'nice'?

[moominmummie]

The other night the guy who lives over the road (who also happens to be gorgeous & single) randomly knocked on my door & asked for a first aid kit for his son who had a minor accident. I gave him what I had (bandages & tape). That was the first time we have ever really spoken. Today I was surprised to find on my porch a brand new first aid kit & a lovely note attached thanking me. It definitely put a smile on my face.

My question is what should I do in return? & am I being unreasonable to think this could be more than a kind neighbourly gesture? Or is he just being nice?

I've been on my own for so long I've forgotten how to interact or properly judge any situation involving the male species 😂

i didn’t post when I first read this thread as it had all already been said but I was so excited to see there were updates… so far, not so good tho!! So he’s seeing someone but couldn’t help but ‘explore his chemistry’ with someone else?! I’d be forever waiting for the same to happen to me, if it even went anywhere.

My cuppa is at the ready…please fill us in!

OP you have just delayed me going to the shop as I want to know 😁

Update! Update! Update! Please?????

@moominmummie

If he has just turned up at your foot in a fireman's helmet and nothing else then fair enough to leave us hanging

In any other circumstances, you are playing a bit of a tease

So, we carried on texting. He went away to work for a week & we spoke everyday. He told me he wished I was with him, asked me out for dinner. Basically told me everything you would want to hear. I was hooked on the attention & the way it made me feel. I felt happy for the first time in a long time.
At one point I got a 'miss you' text.

Fast forward to when he gets back - he's texting me asking if he can come over. (It's late, kids are in bed) I say no.

As soon as I say no, he completely changes and goes silent for two days. This hurt, I was in deeper than I realised.

We speak a few days later, turns out he was irritated with me as I had no interest in meeting up with him, this is untrue as I had agreed lunch & coffee. He also said he had a sudden attack of consciousness.

He got me hook, like & sinker guys. I am a massive twat who didn't listen.

So basically, since I made it clear I won't let him shag me he's completely lost interest.

Ouch

Oh OP, it's not surprising you let yourself get pulled back in, we all love attention. But he's made it clear what he's really like and it sounds like you've had a lucky escape. Doesn't stop it stinging though.

'Went away for a week' ....with gf I bet!!

He's a player. Having someone available over the road was his goal.

I would park and distance now. You've seen how he is. Stick to your standards and keep that high bar!

Some men conceal their sharkiness well - try to think of him as being an irritant and be friendly but brisk when you see him.

Trust me, it'll come across in your demeanour. A bit of attention can be really flattering but you + his gf deserve better.

I couldn't believe how much it stung, I went from being elated to a bit devastated. We're still chatting as friends but both backed off.

He's messed with my head, I told him I wished he'd just left me alone. It was selfish what he did.

Ah shit. Was hoping for the start of a Julia Roberts movie for you!
What a loser he is.

Noice. What an absolute stinker. To quote Brooklyn 99 twice in one post, you are so old to behave the way you do. Him not you! Chin up lovely.

He's very immature considering he's a good decade older than me.

Something tells me he's not used to being told 'no'.

You seem like a friendly, open person, unfortunately he's on the make! No more confiding in him!

I had something vaguely similar a while back, we were doing an activity together and he took a liking to me and told me his age and I told him crossly that it wasn't a dating group so not to act like it was. But we did end up talking loads every day until I thought he was unforthcoming about some details and checked with someone else, and they said he was in an unhappy relationship. I'm not about to be used as an excitement substitute for a flailing relationship so cut contact dramatically and would only talk about the weather. He noticed. It wasn't fun for him anymore.

Any good friends who you can have a rant to about it? An awful lot of men are loyal, the ones who aren't annoy me.

@BastetsWhiskers that's what this was for him, something new and exciting while still maintaining his relationship. He didn't stop to consider my feelings in the process, he was only out to please himself.
The other thing that grinds my gears is the fact he doesn't seem to realise he's done anything wrong. I've been accused of playing games & shooting him down, he said it's a big turn off for him!!!!
The whole thing has made me feel like utter shit to be honest. He was so full on and led me on, to just drop me like a sack of shit when I refused to let him come over.

I've been accused of playing games & shooting him down, he said it's a big turn off for him!!!!

What an absolute wanker! Unfortunately there are far too many people in the world like this. You told him no, because your standards are higher than being messed around in this way, and that’s a “turn off” 😂😂. Lol. “I’m glad to hear you’re turned off because I think I’ve made it clear that I’m not available for whatever this was.” Accusing YOU of playing games! The nerve!

I didn’t enjoy the update - but, at least his mask slipped quickly

Tbf you did know he was in a relationship. You carried on regardless.

Disassociate from this it's not a friendship it's not even been a month and you can stop having contact easily and drop back to nodding hello if you see him.

Imagine if he were your partner and behaving like he is...

There’s only one way to find out…you’re going to have to buy a sexy (lol, they’re so not) little nurses uniform, go over to his house and see if he needs any attention.

Or you could just say thanks next time you see him, whichever.

Saying no to sex isn't playing games it's clear boundary setting

I am a massive twat who didn't listen Well…. yes. But we’ve all been there. You sound like you’re lonely and it’s so hard to resist when someone is telling you everything you want to hear.

There are three really important things to concentrate on here. Firstly, you didn’t give him the chance to have sex with you, then ghost you, which is what he would have done. So you’ve kept your dignity as far as he and the neighbours know and you’ve put a pin in his bubble. Secondly, you’ve seen a perfect example of a fuckboy in his natural habitat. You’ve seen the behaviours and the love bombing and the future faking. So the next time one of these fuck boys comes along (and he will, because they are everywhere) you can remember and give him his marching orders before feelings get involved. Lastly, you didn’t fall for him. You fell for the imaginary man he pretended to be. So there is absolutely no reason to feel obligated to continue texting as friends. This is not a nice person and he tried to do something really, really horrible to you and to his girlfriend. Turn your self respect on and get your barriers up. This is not someone you want in your life as a friend. Keep him on a ‘casual wave to a neighbour from a distance’ basis.

@Nagado Your right, I am lonely. Ive kept a distance from men for years since my ex. I was gutted when this bloke said he had a girlfriend & thought well that's that. Then the love bombing started, I didn't see it like that when it started but looking back it's pretty clear what he was doing.
Your right about falling for the imaginary version, I'm more upset about the drop in emotions, I was happy & felt sexy. He gave me so many compliments, constantly saying he wished he was cuddled up to me, that I looked 'fucking hot' when he saw me earlier.
The guy I met and the guy I've been exposed to do not add up.
You should have seen the way this guy looked at me, literally undressing me with his eyes to the point I didn't know where to look.

I fell for it bad, but I am so so glad I didn't sleep with him. I wanted to, I really did. But something was stopping me (the girlfriend being the obvious) but there was something else. I ignored a couple of red flags at first; he asked me to send him a picture of me. I got annoyed with him & he said I took it the wrong way, he meant just a nice picture of me doing something I love like a hobby. I thought really? I even said you can just have my instagram....guess what? He isn't on any social media, 'it's a work thing' he said.

For someone that thought they knew men inside out, this got me a good one. I bet he's really weird in bed. LOL 😂

He's not a nice guy at all, he's a predatory creep. Does he even have a girlfriend? I wouldn't be surprised if this was his standard tactic, get them hooked, reel them in, then chuck them back in, saying I'm not single after all. I bet she doesn't exist and he's a serial shagger. At least you didn't sleep with him.