Is he just being 'nice'?

[moominmummie]

The other night the guy who lives over the road (who also happens to be gorgeous & single) randomly knocked on my door & asked for a first aid kit for his son who had a minor accident. I gave him what I had (bandages & tape). That was the first time we have ever really spoken. Today I was surprised to find on my porch a brand new first aid kit & a lovely note attached thanking me. It definitely put a smile on my face.

My question is what should I do in return? & am I being unreasonable to think this could be more than a kind neighbourly gesture? Or is he just being nice?

I've been on my own for so long I've forgotten how to interact or properly judge any situation involving the male species 😂

Can we explore the 'didn't want to scare you off' sentence?
I basically said I'm glad you told me before I got the wrong impression. He asked what I meant by that, I said the impression of being more than friends, & he said 'so it wasn't just me that felt that?'

I'm left feeling led on and deflated. I don't share my toys & am absolutely not interested in involving myself with someone who already has someone (he hammered home how not serious this 'seeing someone' business was)

Think I'm just going to be friends with this one & tread carefully.

He's got a GF but he fancies you. He's dropped hints that there's potential there.
Most people agree cheating is wrong, but I'd find it off putting that he could potentially be saying 'if you and I have potential, I'll dump girlfriend'. If he's not that into her (and considering seeing others...you) he should end it with her. Although it's not cheating I'd find hedging your bets deeply unattractive. It's also passing the buck a bit and putting it on you.
My response would be
"Lovely as you seem I've no intention of stepping on anyone else's toes. I know were only chatting but she probably wouldn't like it. I wouldn't if I was your girlfriend "
This says
You think he's lovely
You have morals
You could be his girlfriend.

Above all it says call me if you're single.

I'm gutted! Was loving this thread. Can't believe he's seeing someone. Urgh

I don’t think that this is a nice man. Nice men do not go flirting with other women if they’re seeing someone. And I would put money on the woman he is ‘casually seeing’ is under the impression that they are in an exclusive relationship.

I cannot advise you enough not to shit on your own doorstep. This has lots of potential to go horribly wrong and only the tiniest chance of it being worth doing. And then you have to live there, being gossiped about by the other neighbours.

This, he sounds like a player and a charmer...

You can bet your life that he has not told his girlfriend he has been seeing so much of you and sending you good morning texts etc. He is a complete player.

I would look your best today and go out to front garden to sunbathe which daughter plays. Have lemonade and biscuits or fruit ott and invite them both over for some when you see them. This might take a few days!

I responded before reading the updates! Sorry!
Unfortunately men tend to line up the next woman before ending things with one AND they are very capable of seeing someone they don't see a future with.
Sometimes 'seeing someone' can mean ' I haven a very serious gf who thinks I'll marry her' though he might have been floating the idea of whether you'd be ok with something causal.
I think don't let yourself get excited at all until you have heard him say that he's single- you've done all you can now by agreeing you both fancy each other.

I've made it clear nothing is going to happen while he is in a relationship, I've said I'm happy to get to know him on a friendship level.
He's admitted he saw me & thought I was gorgeous & had to talk to me to explore our 'chemistry'.

I'm not impressed by how he went about doing it, but I'm glad he told me sooner rather than later.
He could have kept this to himself for a lot longer & carried on leading me on. He's been honest & upfront during early days so I'll give him that.

No idea how this has gone from 'can I borrow a bandaid' to 'Can you wear that dress I saw you in the other day next time you come over'

'Can you wear that dress I saw you in the other day next time you come over'

The 🚩🚩 just keep coming. I'd be backing right off to neighbours and nothing more.

Basically it turns out he wasn't even being nice.

He could have kept this to himself for a lot longer & carried on leading me on. He's been honest & upfront during early days so I'll give him that.

I think you’re giving him too much credit. Firstly, ‘explore our chemistry’??? Yuck. Who says stuff like that? And what will he do the next time he sees someone he thinks is gorgeous? Will he want to explore things with her too? He is completely disloyal.

And wear that dress?! Does he even see you as a person? Or simply a woman he wants to sleep with? He’s not trying to impress you. He’s trying to make you impress him. You’re simply the new shiny thing that he wants to play with.

And he wasn’t honest or upfront. Did he mention the girlfriend during any of the chats you had? Or during the entire evening you were texting? Because that would have been the time to have mentioned it. Or was he just covering his back in case his son mentioned daddy’s girlfriend to your DD, or one of the neighbours decided to mention her to you? And he certainly wasn’t being honest or upfront with the girlfriend.

And even if this thing with the girlfriend is the epitome of casual dating, why would it be any hardship for either of them for him to ring her and tell her that he’d met someone he wanted to get to know better? Yet he hasn’t come knocking telling you that he’s single yet, has he?

He sounds like an absolute creep masquerading as a nice man. You’d be mad to exchange anything other than, at best, a neighbourly wave from a distance.

That is making me do a full-body cringe so violently I’ve nearly turned myself inside out.

I’d step firmly away, OP.

This guy is a giving me ultimate boak.

I also think you are giving him too much credit, he probably told you because there is a chance you would see her coming over? If you weren’t neighbours I bet he wouldn’t have said a word.

He wants the best of both worlds, to continue his casual relationship, & get his end away with me. I'm getting the impression he may be used to a lot of attention from women, & probably does this to a lot of women. He seemed so genuine & nice at first & im gradually seeing another side.

I am not about to take a giant shit on my own doorstep.

They when when something seems too good to be true it usually is.

This.
He used he son to engage you appealing to your mother instincts and used the kids to get your time / attention. I've seen so many men do this. Take notice he's showing you who he is.

These kind of people are why I was terrified of so much as smiling at a woman when I was single. 😂
People see what they want to see.
As a man I can tell you men tend to be very direct and go after what they want.
If he was genuinely interested unless he's particularly shy (probably more shy than randomly knocking on asking for a first aid kit) he'd have taken an opportunity to introduce himself and invite the children to play together or made sure you were available to chat when he handed back the first aid kit.
My golden rule is 'if you're wondering if he likes you he doesn't'. Men don't give mixed signals.

Sorry posted too early.
He MIGHT like you but there's NOTHING in your post that suggests he's being anything but friendly.
Just relax, be friendly and see if he makes a more obvious move.

As a single man I found it quite upsetting when a woman asked me on a date or took my friendliness the wrong way. Particularly if it was in work or someone living nearby. It made it awkward.

Ah just seen the update.

He doesn't 'like you' he just wants to use you for casual sex. Stop contact immediately and forget him. Don't embarrass yourself any further.

I think pop a thank you note and say "pls let me know if you ever need anything. Here is my number in case of an emergency" that way its polite but he can make a move. Its tricky with meigbbours because if it doesn't work out it can be super awkward.

Oldest trick in the book for men. Pretend they have a girlfriend so that the women they just want to shag never have the opportunity to think they will be anything more than a shag (although most secretly hope) and they can carry on getting the sex they want and the women can't complain as they're 'seeing someone'.
Most of the time if a man is genuinely seeing someone they hide their cheating and don't mention any girlfriend unless it's a well established relationship e.g cohabiting or marriage and they've built up trust.
The women they're shagging always hopes the relationship will end and they will be promoted to girlfriend but in reality there's no 'other woman' and while they're going around shagging you they're actively looking for someone they consider 'girlfriend material'. Even if they became ready for a relationship they won't choose the woman that they're getting cheap sex with.
Men like this are awful and view women in a certain way.
Good news is there's plenty of women not like this and it's very easy to spot this sort of man once you know the signs.

Read the updates! No way should the OP engage!

Ack! Posted on the move didn't read updates. I don't think OP shouldn't engage as he is a neighbour, but nothing beyond a "hi" "hello".

Who wants an update?

This is gold.

Yes please!!!