Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

There's a big difference between having a childfree ceremony, and having a completely childfree wedding.

I have been to two wedding ceremonies were the vows were ruined by attention seeking seeking little shits, with parents looking on at them proudly as they took the focus away from the actual couple getting married.

I have seen kids ruin wedding speeches through boredom and attention seeking, making nervous speech givers lose their thread or confidence.

I'm not surprised that childfree has become a normal thing with those incidents in mind.

When it comes to an evening do with a disco and dancing though, having kids there means more people can attend at some part of it, the fun part of it for kids where they can act as daft as they want within reason.

Personally, I always see red flags when I hear parents describe their young kids as perfectly well behaved. What scale are they using?

There is nothing new about child free weddings. I am 49 and the only weddings I have ever attended are as an adult.

I didn't attend a wedding until my mid 20s when my friends first started getting married.

Its the expectation of 'some' guests that have changed.

We invited the kids of all our guests to our wedding. They're supposed to be family occasions!

I don't blame people for wanting child free weddings between the expense, limited numbers and noise. The last wedding I attended was my cousin's and a baby started screaming loudly literally as soon as they started to say their vows and continued throughout. It was her baby so she couldn't complain but it meant that their vows couldn't be heard.

I'd be screwed if I married and was expected to invite all of the family children. I have 33 cousins. Say 2/3 of them have kids and they're very religious with 4 kids being about average , and some have more. I'd have practically no room for any other guests. I'd sooner have a child free wedding only invite some.

I think it's perfectly fine for couples to have a child free wedding but they can't complain if guests can't/won't attend.

A friend of mine has 5 weddings next year (including mine) and none of them have kids invited.

I only care about my kids being there and my niece/nephew so no kids at all is easier.

I am older so the wedding invites slowed down for several years as most friends/relatives were already married or didn't want to, but the last few years they have picked up again as nieces and nephews, friends children have started getting married.

I have never been invited to a single wedding for family, or a very close friend where family children, or close friends children are not invited. I haven't even heard of one of these infamous fully child free weddings in real life!

I would not expect dc to be invited if it was a friends, or friends child's wedding now or in the past.

The ‘Instagram perfect’ trope is tired at this point. A wedding being childfree does not mean it’s perfectly choreographed or that it’s only childfree for aesthetic reasons. it doesn’t mean it’s any less of a joyous and warm event than a wedding with children.

Conversely, it’s not like there are no professional wedding shots of groomed and posed children that ever appear on social media.

*I have been to two wedding ceremonies were the vows were ruined by attention seeking seeking little shits, with parents looking on at them proudly as they took the focus away from the actual couple getting married.

I have seen kids ruin wedding speeches through boredom and attention seeking, making nervous speech givers lose their thread or confidence.*

I think that is entirely on the parents. When we have been able to take our child to weddings or other formal events (not for a while based on all of the invitations), we've kept them quiet during the ceremony with a packet of buttons and give them colouring or a similar activity to do when we know they need to be quiet (speeches). They do generally listen to what we say and if we think things will be tricky for them (sitting listening to speeches), we provide them with something to do to keep them quiet. I can honestly say that we've never had a problem at an event.

We had a child free wedding. We chose a wedding in a location we loved (near where we lived) which was special to us as a couple. It could only accommodate 40 people. We didn’t want a fancy affair so had no evening do just a simple ceremony and a meal. No bridesmaids etc. if we had included children we would have had to halve the guest list and not sure our wedding was something most children would enjoy (in fact not sure how many weddings children actually enjoy). Not sure many adults really enjoy weddings if they are a long drawn out affair

I'm sure that there will be plenty of people who will include kids in their wedding invitations. I just think that at the moment, everything is a LOT more expensive so that probably plays a huge role in the decision on inviting or not inviting kids.

FWIW, I invited kids to my wedding (11yrs ago). However, we had a very informal set up: church, then village hall (I was lucky enough to live in a semi rural village). Catering was hog roast, buffet style foods, strawberries and cream for pud (summer wedding). The village hall backed on to an enclosed children's play park, and a lovely recreation field. This set up was our cheapest option, and the one that suited us best (as it also had brilliant access for wheelchairs etc, and I had guests who were wheelchair bound or had mobility issues). Had I chosen a different venue, I would have had to cut down the number of people I invited. I think there were 150 people at my wedding. Many were flying in from overseas, so the logistics of them having to find childcare and leave kids behind would have been difficult.

My cousin married a year before me but said no to kids at her wedding. Again, that is fine and what she wanted. But it meant that I had to decline her invite as it was overseas, and my other family members were attending (so even if I did want to go without my DC, I wouldn't have had any family to leave them with).

TBH I don't care if I get a wedding invite which says no children on it. But what I wouldn't want is for the bride and groom to be shitty if I can't make it due to lack of childcare (less of an issue now, as my eldest is 16 and would be able to watch my 9yr old).

I had children at my wedding but we got married at a location a few hours from home so didn't feel that we could exclude, however I was the first of my friends to have dc, so it was really only family kids anyway (about 8). I did organise a bouncy castle, magician, party bags, a crafts table etc so it was extra organising.

If I were to get married now I wouldn't invite friends kids. There would be about 20 of them, mostly under 7 years and I can imagine they'd run wild. My friends would rather go without their kids as would I.

The ‘Instagram perfect’ trope is tired at this point. A wedding being childfree does not mean it’s perfectly choreographed or that it’s only childfree for aesthetic reasons. it doesn’t mean it’s any less of a joyous and warm event than a wedding with children.

Conversely, it’s not like there are no professional wedding shots of groomed and posed children that ever appear on social media.

I agree. Most of the perfect Instagram weddings I've seen include children.

Weddings these days are massive narcissistic affairs. As someone married 25 years with a lot of bumps under my belt, I can tell you that your wedding day means nothing. It has no bearing on anything. It’s one day. What’s more important are the relationships you are building with your own and his family. I’ve seen reg office weddings with a pizza afterwards still going strong after 20 years, and 50K carnivals go down the pan 2 weeks later.

Most guests these days can’t just rock up to the church, then enjoy the reception. No, it’s hen do’s in Marbella for 5 nights, 9 bridesmaids and expecting people to spend a fortune travelling to places and staying in hotels. They expect their guests to spend £££££, and not bring their kids!!!!

Just decline and don’t feel guilt over it.

I think maybe it depends on the circles you move in. The only childfree weddings I've been to have been registry office ceremonies or small and intimate ceremonies and receptions. All others children have been invited but more often than not unless they're closely related to the bride and groom eg niece/nephew people don't bring them.

Children were welcome at ours, mainly as I knew some people we deeply cared about and wanted to come wouldn't have been able to come otherwise. Our ceremony was quite short anyway and there's weren't any disruptions, for the meal we had a separate table for the older children with activity bags to keep them occupied and most stayed to have a dance and some fun- we had bubbles outside and some other stuff which went down well. We didn't want the wedding to be like a night out though, it was lovely.

Up to people who they invite of course, but not unreasonable to not be able to go.

The hotels near us seem to do all inc packages for so many people inc alcohol so I assume people want to maximise that and have adults there not children.
It’s probably a knock on of people marrying later so all peers have children too.
Plus people follow others do if all others are child free there’s us too.
Personally I think it’s a shame as it’s nice to see all ages.
The just get a babysitter isn’t simple or cheap. Going rate here is £10 an hour for a teen babysitter.

Said who? Tradition? Depending on the tradition in question weddings are supposed to be organised by two families negotiating an advantageous match for their eligible children. There’s supposed to be a dowry, there’s supposed to be a bedding ceremony, and there’s supposed to be evidence for the brides virginity and the consummation of the marriage - either witnesses to the act, or an inspection of the sheets for blood.

Things change.

Our venue was not large. If we had added children to the wedding breakfast we would have had to exclude some family and friends and so we did exclude children. No other reason we were just very tight on space. We couldn’t afford a different venue.

And I'd never understand the mindset of people who wants kids at their wedding - that's the great thing about opinions, we all have one 😊

In my mind it's an adult only celebration with lots of drinking, a few people who get into a bit of a state and generally isn't suitable for kids.

The line has to be drawn somewhere. If dh and I had of invited all our guests children it would have been another 50 kids. That’s just ridiculous

been to about 50 weddings. (irish big families both sides so have been invited to alot ) can count on one hand how many had children at them and even at that they were close families. no children at my wedding either. my sister had two toddlers asked her does she want them there she flatly refused and said I want to enjoy the day. they came to tye bbq the next day all right. Was at a wedding 2 weeks ago and met a sister of the bride yesterday - her children were page boy and flower girl- she said she not a moments peace to enjoy the wedding at all. one wouldn't settle to sleep either and by the time she came back down everyone nearly gone home or hammered. she siad she really regretted not getting them collected after the church was done. I was never brought to a wedding when i was a child so don't think it's a new trend. plus i don't see weddings as a child appropriate thing to go. that said I wouldn't be offended either if you couldn't go to my wedding due to childcare.

I think it depends.

There seems to be a trend for wedding packages with a non religious ceremony in pretty grounds followed by a sit down meal at the same location with wedding industry bells and Whistles. Charged on a cost per head basis. I can understand if a couple have three children and the price per head is £90, it is not unreasonable for the dc to be excluded. Sometimes, probably because they sort of venue doesn't have facilities for children's tables, entertainer, etc.

When dh and I got married better off friends tended to have a marquee and at weddings where there were lots of children there was often a children's table, bouncy castle, entertainer, etc. Similarly that is easier to facilitate in a church hall.

I have never been to a wedding where the couple have excluded a nursing baby and neither would I want to buy such selfish people a wedding present.

DS got married last year and there were no children but that's because they were the first of their peers to get married so their friends don't yet have children and there are none on either side of the family. DS and DIL both the eldest of two and the eldest grandchild on both sides. There were about 10 octogenarians though

Hmmm. I haven’t any badly behaved children in my life but I do see plenty out in public and at school during my teaching career.

No, babies under two are generally no charge, but overs two’s are charged out per meal, some wedding venues will do a children’s meal ( most won’t) but you are still talking minimum of £40 per head for children's meals. Do the math, it can’t get very expensive very quickly, and then where do you draw the line ?

In my mind it's an adult only celebration with lots of drinking, a few people who get into a bit of a state and generally isn't suitable for kids.

This is the crux I think, depends what you want from a wedding. This to me sounds horrific, I used to love a night out and my hen wasn't exactly a subued affair but the thought of loads of adults getting into a state at a wedding is so unappealing to me. My wedding ideal as a celebration with the people you both care about will probably sound just as horrific to you mind.

I do think from reading a lot of the posts on here that for lots of Brits a wedding is another excuse for a boozy day out sans children as opposed to a family event.

Up to the bride and groom of course.

And the cost of weddings is astronomical so there’s that too.

Yes it’s great to have some child free time, I love going out with my friends or hubby and having time off but I personally don’t think weddings are those times. I think it’s sad that children are seen as being annoying and badly behaved as a whole. My DC have been to weddings and have behaved fine. Kids will never learn to behave in these situations if they don’t get chance to be in them.

I still think we’re relatively hostile to children in social situations in the UK. It’s still very much seen as an adults only realm. If you go to Spain for example, kids are out in bars, restaurants, fiestas at all hours of the day. They’re noisy at times, they run about having fun but you don’t see adults tut-tutting at them. They’re just accepted as children, as part of the community. We are the opposite here.