Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

We married in the early 2000s and had very few friends with children. We had about 8 nephews and nieces and they were invited.
If we were getting married now (or one of our younger siblings was), we have a HUGE family. Dh is the oldest of 8 and I'm one of the oldest of 5. We have over 25 nephews and nieces ranging from married adults with their own children to babies. Our cousins have also now had children (we have at least 10 cousins between us). Our friends also now have children and we have a wide circle of friends and quite a few godchildren.
If we invited all children to our wedding, there would probably be in excess of 50! We simply wouldn't find a suitable venue big enough!
I realise we are older so more likely to have larger numbers of children in our circle but just siblings' and cousins' children alone make up a huge majority and for our younger family members, they've had to do child free or immediate family only children (still a massive number) just to be able to fit everyone in.

Our wedding was £130 per head for food/ seat the table. No way were we having kids there!!! Babies in arms were welcome.
our own toddler spent the day with a paid nanny

Weddings these days are massive narcissistic affairs. As someone married 25 years with a lot of bumps under my belt, I can tell you that your wedding day means nothing. It has no bearing on anything.

Bit narcissistic to think that because you married and didn't divorce (like many of us....) you are the voice of rude wisdom there😂

@ThePlasticScouser couldn't agree more. There are an awful lot of 'look at us' weddings out there. We've got one to go to later this year- will need to stay over x 2 nights and it's not cheap - plus their wedding list has an awful lot of very very pricey stuff on it. Will basically cost us £500 just to attend.

If the couple getting married doesn't want to have children, what's wrong with not inviting children to their wedding? It reflects the life they plan to live together.

It's like how you'd expect the catering to be vegetarian if neither spouse-to-be ate meat.

Why even reply to me if you think I'm snide?

Having had my vows and speeches (both filmed) interrupted by a tantrum from two different toddlers, I totally respect child free weddings, even since - especially since! - having my own kids now.

However, they do mean we sometimes have to decline, especially if abroad/with young kids who we are certainly not leaving at home in the UK. Which is a risk couples take, I guess, and that I feel they can hardly complain about when they inevitably get some declined invitations.

@georgianwindow I am in a strangely similar position to you! Also had seven wedding invites this year - all child free! Of course it's up to the bride and groom - I'm not offended by it but, like you, it's definitely been a bit stressful. I also keep trying to work out if I was invited to this many child free weddings in the past and was just oblivious because I didn't have kids, or if they ARE getting more popular, or if we are just having a strange year - no idea!

I agree, I think it's sad. We had kids at ours and I think it makes it lovely having all generations from granny to toddlers partying together.

My 12 year old has never been to a wedding and the last time my 17 year old went she was 5. My girls especially would have loved a wedding when they were 6-10 years old.

I do get that venues charge per head but then I just think maybe people shouldn't choose super pricey venues like that. We hired a (nice and fancy looking) hall and a caterer who did a buffet and charged less for kids.

I do think it's partly down to people getting married later in life when they and all their friends already have kids. In some situations you could end up with more kids than adults and then you have to put on some entertainment or get a bouncy castle or whatever! When I got married only one of my friends had a child, then there were 7 family kids. So basically one kids table, all kids between 3 and 12 which was perfect.

Wow, you sound like fun!

There were none of the other things you mention at our wedding.

Weddings represent 2 families coming together. To me it would have felt weird to exclude my nephews and cousins’ kids.

No drama was caused by any of the kids, several of my favourite photos feature one or more if them and the impromptu kids’ dance during the meal was another highlight

You didn't have your own child at your wedding, wow.

Not just children though I’ve been invited to a few weddings ( family ) and my dc who are late teens early 20s not invited the reason to keep the costs down .
tbh I can’t be arsed making the effort if they don’t want to invite us all . If it’s a weekday / miles away etc then I politely decline .
I agree it’s their wedding to invite who they want and weddings are a costly event but if it’s too much to find childcare for your dc then you can’t go and they need to understand that .

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one shocked to read it

Never had an invite to a child free wedding but then my friends aren’t the type who care more about posing on Instagram than maintaining good friendships. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Most children weren’t at their parents weddings.
Lol at all the 😱

People are generally more selfish and weddings of today generally reflect the all about "me" society that we live in today.

Yes it is thoughtless of people, but maybe their attitudes will change once they have their own children. Most cultures around the world would never think to do this. It is mostly a British phenomenon.

We have 4 weddings this year and 3 are no children. We have 2 3 year olds and a baby. Took baby to one wedding (bf and close friend who suggested he come), the other 2 child free weddings (including DH’s sister…..) I won’t be able to go to. I totally get that children change the vibe of a wedding but I’m sad to not be able to go!

Nope and it was the best decision ever!!

Love my son to pieces (I’m a SAHM) but I didn’t want a toddler on my lap while I tried to eat lunch. I wanted a glass of champagne without it being knocked over! I wanted to listen to the speeches rather than be singing the wheels on the bus.

A one year old isn’t going to remember his parents wedding and isn’t really going to enjoy it either, what’s there to gain?!?

For most people there are 2 reasons:

1. Numbers
2. Wanting a childfree atmosphere / wanting their friends to have an evening off

Numbers - we could only have 70 people at our venue. If we had invited everyone's DC it would have been around 20 DC. That means 20 of our dearest friends would not be invited. TBH good friends usurp DC who we hardly knew.

Evening off - most parents are with their DC an awful lot and it's really nice to go out as a couple. Have adult conversation. When DC are there it gives a totally different vibe - not bad, just different.

I do agree that not having your own children at your own wedding is bizarre though.

I agree, OP. I know it’s not a popular opinion on here but I find blanket no-child policies at weddings a bit depressing. Children seem to be viewed as an irritant, and while I can understand not wanting the ceremony interrupted by a screaming baby, surely this can be resolved without banning them altogether? My DH is having to attend two weddings by himself this summer (both of which I would also have liked to attend) because our seven-year-old DD is not invited to either.

I was 24 when I got married and barely any of my friends had kids and just a few older cousins with little ones and one set of younger cousins that we had as bridesmaids etc (youngest was 6).

We invited pretty much everyone’s kids as there weren’t many, but in the end we had a single toddler and the above mentioned bridesmaids.

Fast forward to now, ahem 15 years later, and there’s probably at least 40 additional people as everyone has had multiple kids in that time. Including myself. That’s a lot of children to accommodate and if I did it again I’d just have close family children.

To be honest I have no desire to take my kids to a wedding. I know we’re lucky in that we can get grandparents to babysit, but we’re going to a wedding in august of DH school friend and I assume it’s child free (they weren’t on invitation and I never asked) and I can’t wait to have a night away from my children! They came to my DB wedding, but we got a babysitter for the meal onwards.

A close friend is getting married next year and has asked about kids and I’ve told her don’t worry I have no intention of bringing them (I’m actually going on my own without DH) and I think that was the response from the majority of the friendship group. I’m not sure if she’s inviting kids or not, but mine are definitely staying at home.

I don’t see a wedding as a “family event” outside of my immediate family. I didn’t invite aunts, uncles or cousins either. I have no idea if anyone was offended or not. I didn’t ask. Not a single invited guest declined and most had kids. They seemed pretty pleased to have a rare kid free night out.

If you don’t want to pay for a babysitter just decline. No need to get stressed about it.

Yeah, because they are not born yet. What’s the point of having children then of you don’t want your own child to be a part of your special day? Its not like you’re popping down to the pub to have a date night…

Oh God that is just absolutely awful. You must be very hard faced to be able to do such a thing?How utterly cruel, cold and selfish of you both. Wow just Wow, if this is even true?