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Original poster

Will children ever be invited to weddings again

686 replies

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 11:45

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

OP posts:
Mamabear48 · 06/06/2023 13:32

I’m planning my wedding and I have a 5 and 1 year old and I’m not planning on inviting children unless guests specifically ask for them to come and even then I’ll decide if it’s a yes or no. I’ll have my sisters 3 kids and that’s it. They are expensive per head and why would anyone want to take children to a wedding is beyond me. Invitations are usually sent out a year in advance so plenty of time to arrange alternative childcare. I had 5 weddings last year and didn’t take them to any I couldn’t think of anything worse tbh I wouldn’t enjoy myself and it’s stressful

Sugarfree23 · 06/06/2023 13:40

It is a good point about weddings being expensive to attend too.

While men folk seem to get away with a new tie, women and kids it's complete outfits, women always want something new and few kids will have something suitable in their wardrobe. Not to expensive kitting out young kids but older kids and teens £££.

So that's a cost to balance of what leaving them with a babysitter costs.

SerafinasGoose · 06/06/2023 15:05

Sugarfree23 · 06/06/2023 13:40

It is a good point about weddings being expensive to attend too.

While men folk seem to get away with a new tie, women and kids it's complete outfits, women always want something new and few kids will have something suitable in their wardrobe. Not to expensive kitting out young kids but older kids and teens £££.

So that's a cost to balance of what leaving them with a babysitter costs.

So they're often prohibitively expensive to host and prohibitively expensive to attend.

That's without all the barmy expectations of a full holiday for a stag/hen event. Not least the absolute directives that a bride and groom should have exactly the day they want, down to the finer smallest detail, seemingly irrespective of whether they can afford it or not. Supposedly that's where all the requests for money come in.

I just don't compute it. At all. So glad we buggered off somewhere warm and did it on the quiet!

NattlesNat · 06/06/2023 19:48

Said as a mother of two;

Sorry but a wedding is 100% whatever the bride and groom want. If they don’t want their celebration to turn into a kiddie disco that’s absolutely fine. And if you can’t go because you can’t get childcare that’s also absolutely fine.

The idea that children, that aren’t the bride and grooms, somehow make a wedding better is also nonsense. They might like your kids, but they don’t have to have them at their party. Do children have to come to their birthday party? How about their engagement do? The dinner to celebrate their promotion? Or simply dinner at theirs on a Tuesday? Some events are allowed to be child free! Your children are not ‘entitled’ to their celebrations. And truthfully, they might like your children, but no one likes your children as much as you do. Again, said as a mother of two.

Hannahsbananas · 06/06/2023 20:08

NattlesNat · 06/06/2023 19:48

Said as a mother of two;

Sorry but a wedding is 100% whatever the bride and groom want. If they don’t want their celebration to turn into a kiddie disco that’s absolutely fine. And if you can’t go because you can’t get childcare that’s also absolutely fine.

The idea that children, that aren’t the bride and grooms, somehow make a wedding better is also nonsense. They might like your kids, but they don’t have to have them at their party. Do children have to come to their birthday party? How about their engagement do? The dinner to celebrate their promotion? Or simply dinner at theirs on a Tuesday? Some events are allowed to be child free! Your children are not ‘entitled’ to their celebrations. And truthfully, they might like your children, but no one likes your children as much as you do. Again, said as a mother of two.

Well said 👏👏👏

Fluff11 · 06/06/2023 20:12

I’ve been to maybe 30 weddings in the last few years (that age where everyone’s getting married!) and only 2 had children there, because they were abroad…
A newborn or young baby is different but you should be able to see that it’s extortionate for couples to pay for children to attend or they may just not want children there, just as couples should be able to see you may not be able to attend due to childcare issues. No biggie just apologise and send a card x

whumpthereitis · 06/06/2023 20:24

thepainteddog · 06/06/2023 12:23

Lol. Such bollocks. You may have heard someone say any of the above but they are not widely held. We don't have stereotypes for European children in British culture. The only one you listed that is accurate is believing US kids are fat on average (which they are).

And the last bit is not true either. Some nations stereotypes of British kids are they talk back to parents/rule their parents, take 'soft' subjects, have reckless sex as young as 12/slutty. Those are not stereotypes about adults.

Show quote history

ah yes, if that hasn’t been your experience, and it doesn’t suit your narrative, then its bollocks, despite any evidence to the contrary.

I’ve lived in three countries, and am from one of the countries where people stereotyped as criminal, so I am in a position where I can compare and contrast based on not just what I have seen, but been on the receiving end of. The British, children and adult, I have never found to be any more stereotyped than anyone else. What I have found in each thought is an ardent belief that they and they alone are victimised above all others. Now that is bollocks.

JenJuni · 06/06/2023 20:49

I was a bridesmaid five times as a child and I hated weddings, they felt claustrophobic and dull! Weddings ought to have crèches or something, a separate fun space with some experienced childcare staff. Guests pay a small fee like a nursery day fee.

Lovesacake · 06/06/2023 21:06

I have 8 close friends from school/uni. They are all married with two kids apart from one couple has one child. We invited their partners but if we had invited their kids too that would’ve meant my 8 friends took up 31 places at our wedding! That’s a big chunk of the budget!

MrsMikeDrop · 06/06/2023 21:28

MichelleScarn · 06/06/2023 11:55

but now things have just gone completely bonkers by some people redefining childfree to mean family children as well, which I think is pretty disgusting, I mean you wouldn't cut out your grandparents because they're too old to party like you do because that would be ageism, so why is cutting out nieces and nephews any different?

Are grandparents likely to shout throughout the vows, run up and down the aisle, or like a wedding I was at, climb on the altar and loudly rendition "let it go" while their parents indulgently video it for the 'gram "aww she thinks it's a stage"...

This. The faux outrage by some entitled parents here is hilarious 😜

BeeDavis · 06/06/2023 21:49

I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what the B&G choose to do, it’s their day. We only had our own child, our nephew, goddaughter and cousin’s baby at our wedding because they were in the wedding party. It would have cost us far too much money to have other children there (£50 for a child!) and we were stuck with venue numbers and children would have taken us over our allocation! We have 3 weddings this year, my little boy is only going to one of them because it’s my brothers.. the other two I wouldn’t take him regardless of whether he was invited or not! Weddings are a long day and tbh we just want to enjoy the occasion with our friends without having to worry about him!

HauntedPencil · 06/06/2023 22:00

If I invited all my friends kids the kids would outnumber the adults. It would be carnage

cormorant5 · 07/06/2023 06:35

Family weddings are part of the 'belonging' to a family for both the new husband and wife and the existing families. Children are equal parts of that new family. Therefore should be included.
Taking part in larger events, the ceremony and the reception is an important part of socialising children. It is part of their growing up. It also introduces the adults to those children so they learn as well.

ferntwist · 07/06/2023 06:37

Totally agree with you OP. Children are beautiful, joyful wedding guests. We had loads at ours. I’m flabbergasted by the lack of generosity of many brides and grooms

ferntwist · 07/06/2023 06:38

Family weddings are some of my happiest childhood memories and places I got to meet all my extended family and learn about our culture. It’s so sad that modern English kids are missing out on that

Sugarfree23 · 07/06/2023 06:42

Taking part in larger events, the ceremony and the reception is an important part of socialising children.

Nonsense children do not need to be socialising at weddings. The ceremony is for the most part a religious service - parents can take their kids to a church service on any Sunday they want.
They can learn social skills at kids parties.

cormorant5 · 07/06/2023 06:46

@ferntwist , agree many memories of milestones in family lives.
My Aunt's was at the Parish Church and the room over the Co-op in St Leonards Road. Just as memorable and as important as the Cathedral and marquee one.

PeloMom · 07/06/2023 06:48

We had a child free weeding although still and 3 ‘children’ present (youngest was around 10) as close family. The wedding was small and if we added everyone’s kids the numbers would have increase by 50% and we wouldn’t fit in the venue. Otherwise wouldn’t have been opposed to have kids present.

Idkmanbutgonnatattoo · 07/06/2023 07:03

Also a lot of children might not even know any other children or even many guests

cormorant5 · 07/06/2023 07:03

Why was the Venue choice more important than including family members?

ferntwist · 07/06/2023 07:12

Idkmanbutgonnatattoo · 07/06/2023 07:03

Also a lot of children might not even know any other children or even many guests

Children don’t need to know each other to play and have fun!

ferntwist · 07/06/2023 07:13

cormorant5 · 07/06/2023 06:46

@ferntwist , agree many memories of milestones in family lives.
My Aunt's was at the Parish Church and the room over the Co-op in St Leonards Road. Just as memorable and as important as the Cathedral and marquee one.

This! People have lost their priorities. Are we really becoming so materialistic? A building/setting is worth more than family, people, children being with us?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 07/06/2023 07:14

cormorant5 · 07/06/2023 07:03

Why was the Venue choice more important than including family members?

Because it’s the bride and groom’s day, not ‘The Family’s day

It’s not the bride and grooms job to socialise other people’s children.

Do some people really have no identity beyond their children, that they can’t spend one occasion apart?

cormorant5 · 07/06/2023 07:31

@DrMarciaFieldstone It is not a performance day for the Happy Couple. It most definitely is the coming together of two families. That is what is important.
The socialising of the children occurs as a by-product of these events. They should be taught to conduct themselves correctly so that they know in future when they are adult.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 07/06/2023 07:35

@cormorant5 respectfully disagree; it’s two people choosing to marry and officially register themselves as together, that can happen whether families attend or not. Families attend at the invitation of the bride and groom