Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

I agree OP I think it's a real shame that children are not invited to weddings anymore I think a wedding is about the joining of two families and children are a part of that. It also means people with children have to turn down many invitations

I had a child free wedding 30+ years ago. WC families both sides. Many of my friends did too, so to me it's not unusual, trendy or a MC thing.
If I had to theorise why its on the increase (assuming it is) I'd say that the more children are centred in everything as they are today, the more likely adults are going to want to preserve some occasions for themselves.
In the past the presence of children was far less intrusive than it is today, as generally they werent expected to be the focus of adult attention. Now it's seems that if a child is present everything is tailored to their needs, pleasure and entertainment, which not everyone wants all the time.

I had a child free wedding and still feel the same now that I have a baby myself.

I prefer to be invited to child free weddings too, nice excuse to dress up and have some adult time.

Some people don’t want squalling infants disrupting proceedings and that is entirely their choice, no matter how many guests cry “but it’s famileee, innit?”
Why not just accept someone else’s wedding won’t have been arranged with your convenience in mind? 🤷🏻‍♀️
It’s clearly a huge issue for you when you resort to calling people with differing opinions idiots.

I really bloody hope not. Weddings are few and far between in my age group now, but on the very odd occasion someone is getting married I love a day without my children - celebrating, getting dressed up, and enjoying myself without having to parent at the same time.

Well, at the weekend, my friend was complaining about being invited to a childfree wedding abroad and how inconvenient and rude it is, and how awkward it's making it because they won't be able to attend.

But get it, this same friend had a childfree wedding abroad that I couldn't attend about 2 years ago (dh was in the wedding party so couldn't even leave him at the hotel for childcare)! 😂

Absolutely not appropriate for the b & g to get arsey when people decline on the grounds of lack of childcare.
Not sure many do, though.
All the angst seems to be in one direction only.

The only time I've known a bride and groom get arsey was when the parent emailed them an absolute tirade of abuse including such gems as you will understand when you have children, you don't understand what it's like...all the cliches.

It was my sisters wedding and she couldn't have children and yes it upset her.

Many marriages were (and some still are) more a contract, not to create a family but to transfer property (both person and actual property). Not really a celebratory event especially if one partner in the marriage doesn’t have a choice @ClaudiaWankleman

Weddings have changed over the years.
Back in the day they were big affairs with lots of guests. Anything under 100 guests for the sit down day do was considered small. Now most weddings cater for under 100 guests. I suppose that in itself means less children can be invited. I have been to many weddings ( through work) and trust me, children can and do spoil them. On many occasions I have thought ‘Thank God this is not my wedding,’ due entirely to the awful behaviour of children and their parents. Maybe in the past we were far stricter. It was not the done thing to allow children to sit screaming in a church. Also amongst a much bigger group it was easier to slip away and leave the church with a fractious child.

Bar food? Where is this? Wetherspoons?? Most wedding food is prepared and served by specialists caterers and coats around £100 per guest. No ‘bar food’.

Why is this same reply always touted on MN? 🙄 I was just waiting for it.

I'm well aware people have different preferences, I'm just saying personally I don't understand why people choose not to include children, surely weddings are a family event?

Yes, I thought that was odd too.
What wedding venue serves food at the bar and allows half the guests to partake of this instead of the catered food?

That’s because things that require it as a response are always touted on MN.

No, a wedding is an event that is about whatever the couple marrying want it to be about.

My sister had a child free second wedding in their large garden. She wanted her dogs near her, and I was in charge of holding their leads; unfortunately the larger one took off and dragged me across the lawn, so I missed the crucial part of the vows. Still would rather have dogs than kids at any wedding.

We saw our wedding as a family event, so that includes all the little ones - ceremony and party. All were ages 2-8. We arranged children's meals, but no additional childcare or entertainment for them. Our party had traditional dancing so they participated, and judging by the photos (and their tantrums when it was time for them to go bed) they had a lovely time.

I can understand that when people spend so much money and energy on planning the perfect day that they don't want disruptions, or can't manage to cater for little ones. I'm not sure that's conducive to actually having a good time... but each to their own!

and their tantrums when it was time for them to go bed) they had a lovely time.
Nice that you see this as a positive thing.

Same here.

I'm with you. Been invited to so many and it's incredibly difficult and expensive especially when the weddings are on a weekday, the kids are at school and wedding half way across the country. If it was a Saturday and we could all go would be possible. We don't have anyone near us for overnight childcare so my mum has been down for some weddings, the logistics cost a fortune and the weddings without kids have been by far less fun.

I should add, we allowed "kids" at our wedding but only because that consisted of my eldest siblings 2 kids, who were taken off to bed with a paid sitter at 7pm, and 3 "babes in arms" all parented by good friends whom we knew would sit at the back and retreat if the baby so much as whimpered.

Everyone we knew got married before having children, in early 30s, and children were never included. The later few weddings when a few couples did have an odd baby or toddler, it was the norm to allow bf babies but most people opted to have family staying on site/nearby and pop back and forth rather than have a baby or toddler actually attending.

As the parent of a 3 & a 6 year old wedding invites have largely dried up now but tbh if we got one I'd have zero intention of bringing the children, they'd be bored stiff and would 100% prevent me enjoying it.

This.

I've been to 2 bbqs this weekend and didn't really get to chat to anyone properly because I was focused on making sure my kid was entertained and not disrupting anyone etc

Any time I'm mid conversation being interrupted to see what game they've just invented.

If I was doing my wedding again I wouldn't want that to be the same for my guests and I'd accept that people may not be able to come.

Same way i bbqs this weekend we're kid friendly but I'd expect people to show up child free for a dinner party or not attend

I totally agree op I don't get it either.

It seems really sad to exclude them tbh.

I would rather not take my children to a wedding to be honest. When they’re very young it just makes it stressful!

we aren’t having children at our wedding other than our own. It’s a second wedding for both of us, our children will be late teens. It’s a very laid back wedding in a venue which isn’t very child friendly and with limited numbers. And tbh I don’t want to limit my friends because of children. Neither of us are very child orientated, and we want our day our way tbh.

children were a big part of my first wedding 20 years ago. But that was a different style of wedding tbh. And no longer having small children myself I admit I have very little tolerance for children whinging and whining and running around.

Not being invited is not quite the same as “excluded”.
Slightly dramatic wording.

Haven't RTFT OP but weddings have become ridiculously expensive. Even if you manage to find the mythical 'cheap village hall' no caterer will take you on for normal prices even if you are the least fussy bride! They all insist on wedding menus.
I work long hours and have no time to run around self catering I got quotes for both a party and wedding the difference was stark.
The entire thing costs loads which would be better put towards paying off the mortgage.