Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

I don't understand why people do this. Even if they don't want to pay for the children to eat they could get them food from the bar. I had lots of kids at my wedding but I made them little activity packs with sweets etc and paid for bar food for them.

Culturally, it varies dramatically. I’ve been to a few childfree weddings in European countries where they are indeed not uncommon there either. So what if some other cultures do it different though? In some cultures marriages are arranged with no input from the bride and/or groom at all. That something is normal in another culture, does not mean that it is inherently better.

You don’t understand that other people have preferences that aren’t the same as yours? That’s a lack of imagination on your part then. However, your understanding isn’t required for someone else to have the wedding they want 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well I'll have children at mine if we actually get around to it, I'll also allow dogs (well behaved on leads) and partners etc etc because I'll choose a venue I can afford (actually already thought local football club in off season as they let you camp too, saving people money)

What?
You'd get teens to get bar food while their parents get a sit down meal? And really how much does that shave of the cost?

But it's not always the cost it's the numbers.

Missing the point a bit, but I don't enjoy weddings so it's a relief when they're child-free and I can happily decline.

Not everywhere has the option to buy food from the bar @Mamai90

Some people want to spend thousands of their (or their parents) money and have vast numbers of people at their wedding of all ages. We wanted a small, informal wedding, where most importantly we could spend time and talk to all our guests, not just 5 minutes in a line up. So we chose a small intimate venue, which was in a location we love and spend a lot of time, close to where we live. We were limited to 40 guests by the size of the venue. So made sense having a child free wedding. We didn't have bridesmaids, top table, cars, evening do. Just a simple ceremony and a meal.

For people who had over 100 guests, how much time did you actually spend with each guest? How much time did you spend with the children you invited?

And nor are weddings half as enchanting to everyone else as to the bride and groom, or perhaps their parents.

Invitations which cause a major headache to potential attendees are sometimes apt to be declined. Which is fine - invitations can be issued and declined as the hosts and the guests see fit. What isn't fine is when they throw a strop (on either side) when things are not exactly to their liking. Guests want to negotiate the terms of their attendance when these have been clearly set out, or the B&G have a hissy fit because a would-be guest has dared to decline.

There seems to be abject FEAR in some threads posted to the tune of 'how on earth do I decline this invitation without causing offence' - and threads where an OP has done precisely this and her bride friend/sister has been apoplectic with rage, or even worse, a massive family schism has happened as a result.

Worth it? Not to me. I don't compute the angst over weddings at all. Just like the recent coronation, they're an awful lot of fanfare about really very little. Note, this isn't an indictment of marriage (I am married) but a comment on weddings specifically.

Dogs 😵‍💫

Absolutely not appropriate for the b & g to get arsey when people decline on the grounds of lack of childcare.
Not sure many do, though.
All the angst seems to be in one direction only.

We went to several friends weddings that were childfree when ours were young and a couple family ones too.
My second wedding was childfree apart from my own and their best friends - but they were teens/pre teens then. We didn't want lots of young children running around or babies screeching. We were a bit older by then and wanted a wedding that had a more adult vibe - No that doesn't mean getting pissed up and whatever bollocks some people think happen at weddings where there are no children...just a grown up meal and celebration of us as a couple.
My kids stayed for the ceremony and meal, but legged it to their room to watch some films in the evening.

As we never took them to weddings, even when they were invited, my second wedding was the first one they attended. It didn't seem to affect them, it wasn't like they didn't know what a wedding was, and they certainly knew how to behave.

We are all gojng to our first wedding as a family in a couple of weeks time. My niece is having a childfree wedding and we are all looking forward to catching up with relatives without having to bat away annoying kids 🤣

It's the Instagram generation. It seems more important to get a certain "look" for photos to post on social media than it is to have a happy celebration where guests feel welcome and comfortable.

Perhaps one day in the future, parenting styles will change and once again it will be possible for a child guest to sit quietly on a pew all through the wedding, behave nicely sitting at the table throughout the reception meal, and not run around screaming or having a melt down during the toasts.

Then I suppose people will be happy to invite children to a wedding again, like they used to.

My first wedding was long before Instagram and still childfree, simply because I wanted it to be.

If there are behavioural issues such as a baby crying or a toddler making a huge amount of noise in the service, I would expect a parent to remove them from the service not sit there and do nothing like a PP described.

Utter bollocks.

I and all my school and uni friends got married in the late 90s and early 00's and we all had child free weddings, it's nothing new.

We had children at ours it was lovely, added a great atmosphere to the afternoon especially. So hopefully people do start having them again its a shame when they're excluded from what I see as family events

Well, yes, would expect this to happen, but not all people would actually do it.
Not all adults know how to behave in public either 🤷🏻‍♀️

To be fair it isn't just the OP, it is every single person who thinks that their child attending a wedding is more important than the wishes of the people who are actually getting married.

Childfree all the way here 😁

This is true. My friend recently went to the wedding of her sibling with her toddler and sat in the back row for a speedy exit. On the other hand, I was surprised by how many of our guests with babies and toddlers (about twelve at this age alone, we had! 😵‍💫) had gone to the front and were sitting in the middle of rows - not family btw! I wouldn’t take the risk…

I don't give a shit about instagram.

I have no strong feelings about kids at weddings in general.

I just had to deal with the guest list I had.

48 Children isn't a wedding it's a crèche

Would you really, truly invite nearly 50 kids to an event of 110 people? Can you not see how that might have an impact on a lot of elements of the day?

I think its quite unusual to have no childcare options at all for a 5 year old. Most people can arrange to have a grandparent or aunt/uncle have a child that age, or even have them stay with a school friend.

I do think babies under 6m or even 1 year are much more challenging, especially allowing for breastfeeding. Lots of breastfed babies simply won't take a bottle unless starved into it.

We also had a lot of well-meaning shushing parents in our ceremony which can be heard on our ceremony film. I know it was our own fault for inviting so many babies and toddlers but when you have the “family friendly” wedding many are calling for here, it can cause a bit of disruption. We seem to come from families and have close friends who all decided to have loads of kids - many from abroad too so could hardly leave them at home to travel so we invited them. The line has to be drawn somewhere but when you have family/close friends who have lots of children between them, it is easier to have blanket child-free weddings arguably, or stricter rules like only children in the wedding party invited, or babies under a certain age.

I agree, OP. It's a bloody headache being invited to a child free wedding, and my first thought is how miserable the B&G are to exclude them.

I don't even consider it when we are invited to a child free wedding, I have too many kids (won't say how much as I'll just get shit for it and I can't be arsed) to try to sort childcare for, and I don't particularly want people watching them for me anyway, I trust very few people with my children.

It's an automatic decline for me, no matter who it is.
We didn't go to my father in law's wedding because of this rule.