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Original poster

Will children ever be invited to weddings again

686 replies

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 11:45

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

OP posts:
Icannoteven · 05/06/2023 16:12

I don’t understand the idea of a child free wedding. I don’t actually a single person who has ever had one in real life and wonder if it is something that is limited to a particular social strata? A sort of lower middle class, trendy thing possibly? Or just people who are part of a social scene where the children aren’t disciplined?

Weddings are literally about family. Joining together to become family. It’s really bizarre to exclude a whole generation from that.

Pipsquiggle · 05/06/2023 16:13

Bookworm20 · 05/06/2023 14:59

Alot of posters who had child free weddings are basically saying its down to cost alot of the time.

Understandable, but I don't think I could insult half of my family and friends just to save a few quid. I'd adjust things accordingly so my family (and yes children are part of that!) would be included in what is a union of 2 people and families.

I bet those same couples, excluding dc for the reason of cost, expected the parents to cough up money for hotel overnight stays, gifts, outfits, babysitting/nanny and everything else that goes with attending a wedding though. Whilst giving a very clear message their dc are not worthy of the same respect. It rubs me up the wrong way that people see children as less then first class citizens. as though they are pets or something that are inconvenient. I find it odd. But then all the dc I know, of both family and friends don't behave like little shits, so maybe thats why I can't understand when people excluse dc.

Giving reasons of cost, in case one cries at an important part are just shitty excuses for not wanting kids there full stop. You can't be bothered with them, you don't want them there, and they will cost you a little bit more and you'd rather not spend an extra couple of hundred quid on kids of all things, on top of the £10,000 you are forking out for everything else.

Just be honest, you just don't want kids there. If you did, you would absolutely make sure they can be accommodated.

Its when people say, "oh the cost", or "the venue isn't really suited to children", or "we don't want cousin alberts kids there so we have to exclude ALL of them" that is just pathetic. Just be bloody honest, instead of giving shit excuses you could absolutely get around.

I'd have far more respect for someone who would actually admit they didn't invite the children because they simply don't like and don't want any children there, than someone who came up with some tripe about cost, venue, in case one misbehaves bollocks.

I think loads of people on this thread have said they don't want DC at their wedding. They've also said they would prefer more friends there than friends' DC. Friends usurp DC.

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 16:14

I had my toddler sitting on my hip as I said my vows (wouldn't settle and nobody to take him out).

That's a bit extreme I know but excluding your kids is wierd.

ClaudiaWankleman · 05/06/2023 16:14

Verv · 05/06/2023 15:56

Astounding entitlement.

The pair getting married can have their wedding day exactly as they like it.
It's their day.
If their idea of wedding perfection includes not dealing with or centring other peoples little darlings then so be it.
Adults tend to have an easier time relaxing and enjoying themselves when they aren't having to consistently keep an eye out for children. Particularly when alcohol is circulating.

Show quote history

Entitled to what? I don't have kids that I want to be invited. I'm not entitled, I'm judgemental. Don't throw words around if you don't know their meaning.

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 16:17

"Some of us like elegant adults-only atmosphere."

Code for rat-arsed.

OutsideLookingOut · 05/06/2023 16:18

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 16:14

I had my toddler sitting on my hip as I said my vows (wouldn't settle and nobody to take him out).

That's a bit extreme I know but excluding your kids is wierd.

um not to me and others especially when so young!

Jadeywithababy · 05/06/2023 16:19

When we got married 4 years ago our preference was to not have children there because they added to the expense and planning (having a kids menu, suitable activities, crèche available etc) and we worried they may be disruptive, but we changed our minds because we had family and friends travelling down who couldn’t have attended if they hadn’t been able to bring their children. Looking back, I’m so glad we invited the kids because we have some adorable photos in our album and some of my favourite memories from the day were dancing with the little ones after dinner. I can understand the reluctance to have them because it is more money and more effort, but for us it was totally worth it :)

beeskipa · 05/06/2023 16:23

Icannoteven · 05/06/2023 16:12

I don’t understand the idea of a child free wedding. I don’t actually a single person who has ever had one in real life and wonder if it is something that is limited to a particular social strata? A sort of lower middle class, trendy thing possibly? Or just people who are part of a social scene where the children aren’t disciplined?

Weddings are literally about family. Joining together to become family. It’s really bizarre to exclude a whole generation from that.

My wedding was 'about' celebrating my husband and I with the people we're close to. The youngest person in our family is 31, no children. So we weren't excluding a whole generation of our family, we were excluding the children of our friends so that we could use our limited guest list to invite people who would want to be there and we know, and not toddlers we see three times a year...

Bunbuns3 · 05/06/2023 16:23

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 15:22

Your level of entitlement to whinge about this OP is UNREAL.

How on earth am I entitled? I haven't sent any of the bride and grooms complaining texts because of it. I have declined some invitations, gone where I can, faced some friends and family remaining annoyed with me because of the fact I haven't gone because of childcare being an issue. I'm not sure how inviting 2 parents to a wedding, but not their children, then holding a grudge when they can't come makes me entitled?

It just seems to be that every wedding I am invited to (including family ones!) never includes our children.

The so called "gentle parenting" trend that seems to be all the rage at the moment will make it more likely that couples will want a child free wedding.

Why does gentle parenting feed in to it?

Don't worry, Mumsnet thinks anyone with any sort of feelings is "entitled". Your perfectly entitled to feel the way you do, because the wedding party or parties are utterly selfish and deep down you know this. It is just that Mumsnet advocates for selfishness almost on a cult like level. That's all!

Verv · 05/06/2023 16:23

ClaudiaWankleman · 05/06/2023 16:14

Entitled to what? I don't have kids that I want to be invited. I'm not entitled, I'm judgemental. Don't throw words around if you don't know their meaning.

Show quote history

"A wedding shouldn't be a curated event, it's supposed to be a family celebration. Excluding children from celebrating just because they are young doesn't sit easily with me."

The above comes from somebody with a robust enough sense of entitlement to define what a wedding should be on behalf of other people.

Just because you didn't get it first time doesn't mean there wasn't evidence for saying it.

Freepo · 05/06/2023 16:24

Icannoteven · 05/06/2023 16:12

I don’t understand the idea of a child free wedding. I don’t actually a single person who has ever had one in real life and wonder if it is something that is limited to a particular social strata? A sort of lower middle class, trendy thing possibly? Or just people who are part of a social scene where the children aren’t disciplined?

Weddings are literally about family. Joining together to become family. It’s really bizarre to exclude a whole generation from that.

Weddings are “literally” about 2 people getting married, but even if they are about joining together to become family, I don’t understand why that would make it bizarre not to want to invite the children of friends, who on any view are not family and with whom the bride and groom may have little relationship.

Hannahsbananas · 05/06/2023 16:27

Bunbuns3 · 05/06/2023 16:23

Don't worry, Mumsnet thinks anyone with any sort of feelings is "entitled". Your perfectly entitled to feel the way you do, because the wedding party or parties are utterly selfish and deep down you know this. It is just that Mumsnet advocates for selfishness almost on a cult like level. That's all!

Show quote history

What on earth are you on about, claiming people are selfish for not inviting your kids to their wedding?
I thought this was a joke post initially, but you’re actually serious, aren’t you?!
Bloody hell 😂

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 16:34

People Chuck the word entitled around to the point it's meaningless

whumpthereitis · 05/06/2023 16:38

Bunbuns3 · 05/06/2023 16:23

Don't worry, Mumsnet thinks anyone with any sort of feelings is "entitled". Your perfectly entitled to feel the way you do, because the wedding party or parties are utterly selfish and deep down you know this. It is just that Mumsnet advocates for selfishness almost on a cult like level. That's all!

Show quote history

‘Deep down’? People have the weddings they want and like. For some, that’s a childfree wedding, for others that includes children. Personal, ‘selfish’, preference is hardly some concealed source of shame that no one must ever acknowledge.

The irony of bleating about selfishness whilst simultaneously dismissing a type of wedding that you don’t personally approve of though. ‘Don’t marry according to what you want, you should be doing it according to what I want!’

Thirdtrimester · 05/06/2023 16:43

Sugarfree23 · 05/06/2023 16:02

It's not just the cost of one child, try the cost of 30 children, and not all those 30 will be happy with a plate of nuggets some will need a full adult meal.

Kids don't suddenly explode into adults on the eve of they 18th birthday

Show quote history

Kids don't suddenly explode into adults on the eve of they 18th birthday

Ooh, another good point. My 18yo cousin was the most pissed at our wedding. Wouldn’t have gone down well with my teetotal in-laws…

Thirdtrimester · 05/06/2023 16:44

And yes, @Sugarfree23 any kid 10 and above had the full adult cost at our wedding. It added up…

whycantmenfindstuff · 05/06/2023 16:47

Back in the good old days, weddings weren't as posh

Ive been to loads of posh weddings of totally normal people. They couldn't afford kids snd so cut them out

LuvSmallDogs · 05/06/2023 16:51

@Hannahsbananas , my children are all perfectly average in enchantment level I'm sure. I actually enjoyed weddings with cute little kids in suits and dresses before I had kids, weird I know.

Yes, why not on principle? If my sibling invited myself and my husband to their wedding but not their young nephews I wouldn't bloody go!

TheGoogleMum · 05/06/2023 16:51

Had kids at our wedding but that was 7years ago now! Most our friends didn't have kids yet though so it wasn't many kids. I think child free ones are a bit miserably anti children?

toomuchlaundry · 05/06/2023 17:01

So if I invited a work colleague to my wedding, who I get on really well with at work, but don't socialise as a family outside work, should I have invited her children to my wedding too? Do you think those children would have had fun surrounded by people they didn't know? Do you think they would have enjoyed an event where they have to sit quietly and watch two people they don't know say a few words to each other and then wait an hour when a whole load of photos are taken, where they may be included in a couple of the photos, and then sit down at a meal, and listen to people they don't know making speeches about people they don't know. Whilst all around them other guests are partaking of the free booze. Also, at our wedding, we didn't have an evening do, so no music to dance to and run round the dance floor. Somehow, I feel those kids would have been pretty happy I had a child free wedding!

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/06/2023 17:07

Bunbuns3 · 05/06/2023 13:19

People are generally more selfish and weddings of today generally reflect the all about "me" society that we live in today.

Yes it is thoughtless of people, but maybe their attitudes will change once they have their own children. Most cultures around the world would never think to do this. It is mostly a British phenomenon.

You’ve never been to a wedding in France then. ( or in an Italian cathedral)

kistanbul · 05/06/2023 17:07

Didn’t invite kids to my wedding because if I had invited them there would have been more children than adults. I didn’t want my wedding reception to be a kids party.

There’s loads of good reasons why people might not want to cater for kids.

Sugarfree23 · 05/06/2023 17:20

Verv · 05/06/2023 16:23

"A wedding shouldn't be a curated event, it's supposed to be a family celebration. Excluding children from celebrating just because they are young doesn't sit easily with me."

The above comes from somebody with a robust enough sense of entitlement to define what a wedding should be on behalf of other people.

Just because you didn't get it first time doesn't mean there wasn't evidence for saying it.

Show quote history

Not all children are young, if we'd invited friends kids we'd have ended up with 19yo twins and their 17yo sibling.

Thats verging on adult territory and potential plus ones

Respberrypachouli · 05/06/2023 17:23

Completely agree with @Bunbuns3 about this being a cultural thing!
In my culture wedding is a union of two families therefore everyone from those families are invited. Older generation tends to look after the younger ones so that they don’t get too mischievous or kiddos have their own space like marquee with toys. Then the said older generation can’t stay up too late so they take kids to bed whilst adults can have more fun and celebratory time.
but then again, in my culture of you invite a guest to your wedding you also pay for everything like all their drinks and their food. When I first attended a wedding here I was in shock. Got over it by now of course but still. Guests are expected to pay for travel, accommodation, their own drinks and extra food sometimes and on top of that, often the ceremony is in the middle of the week so you have to take time off work.

Womencanlift · 05/06/2023 17:28

JenniferBooth · 05/06/2023 15:06

The so called "gentle parenting" trend that seems to be all the rage at the moment will make it more likely that couples will want a child free wedding.

This is definitely a factor that has been built into a few child free weddings I have been to recently and going to this year

Cannot guarantee that children won’t play up, because you know they are kids. But the sticking point is that the parents cannot be guaranteed to do something about their behaviour

And with regards to childcare, one wedding is my DP’s best friend. Several friends have family travelling down to London (where we all are) to do childcare. Parents get nice break away, grandparents get time with grandchildren. Everyone happy.

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