Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

What it is supposed to be is what the bride and groom want it to be.

You imagine cute children happily running around, others might imagine kids who draw all attention of the guests, tripping and falling, wanting to go home, pulling their mums' hands, moaning and whining. And the guests without children who have to pretend that they enjoy all the chaos and just smile.

I adore a child free wedding.

Nothing else to add.

🤭

I can't have children
My wedding was about two adults who love each other.
I most certainly did not miss the point

I think there’s a big difference between not allowing ANY children, even close family, and sticking rigidly to it, and not inviting the children of your friends whom you’ve barely even met.

I would be a bit upset if my kids weren’t invited at all to my brother or DH brother wedding etc as they should be invited as people in their own right (not saying I’d kick off and refuse to attend, just that I’d think it was a bit sad), but I’m quite happy not to take them to a friend’s wedding and not remotely offended if there are other children there even though mine weren’t invited.

Yeah, most people just don’t want your kids at their wedding, @Bookworm20 🤷🏻‍♀️
If you choose to see this as your children being “disrespected”, treated as 2nd class citizens (!), or just inconvenient then that’s your issue.
The happy couple will enjoy their day regardless of how enraged you are on your children’s behalf.

Your level of entitlement to whinge about this OP is UNREAL.

How on earth am I entitled? I haven't sent any of the bride and grooms complaining texts because of it. I have declined some invitations, gone where I can, faced some friends and family remaining annoyed with me because of the fact I haven't gone because of childcare being an issue. I'm not sure how inviting 2 parents to a wedding, but not their children, then holding a grudge when they can't come makes me entitled?

It just seems to be that every wedding I am invited to (including family ones!) never includes our children.

The so called "gentle parenting" trend that seems to be all the rage at the moment will make it more likely that couples will want a child free wedding.

Why does gentle parenting feed in to it?

@Caterina99 I think so too, people do need to draw a line somewhere. And sometimes it's easier to say 'no friends or cousins kids' than to invite some and not others.

It seems a lot like to be away from the children, suggests maybe they don't usually get the chance so view it as a rare opportunity to let their hair down when plenty of people do this with their partner anyway.

MN is also the only place I see so much dislike of weddings - I love a chance to celebrate friends and socialise with other friends

I got married 32 years ago and it was a child free wedding. I love children but not at weddings. I've been to two events in the last week ruined by unruly toddlers in adult environments. So it's a no from me.

No, it isn't supposed to be whatever they want it to be. It's a reasonably formalised ceremony that has the purpose of getting married and celebrating that that marriage has taken place. It's not particularly nice to cut people out of celebrations for no good reason, and I don't consider 'being young' to be a good reason.

So yes, the two people getting married can choose to exclude children, and I'll judge them for it.

Why does MN always assume the reasons for not inviting kids is to do with cost or behaviour?

@ClaudiaWankleman so someone's wedding day should be how you want it, rather than the couple getting married?

I'd agree with that. Definitely much easier to be the oldest of the cousins and the first of your friends to get married.

My DB nailed that one, oh I had ALL the kids at my wedding, Oh you did, did you ALL 2 of them, and half our cousins didn't have partners either.

Fast forward 10 years to me getting married- they'd all multiplied. But why not have ALL the kids?

I''m not enraged. Just think its a bit pathetic trotting out cost, when actually the reason is they just don't want kids there. At least own it not come up with some rubbish excuse.

My dc have not been excluded from any weddings thus far, but then family and friends we have don't have this adult only type of outlook, maybe thats why I find it so odd there seems to be so many 'child free' weddings.

Each to their own, but I'd rather welcome my family and friends children as part of my wedding, even if it means adjusting costs somewhere, because I don't view them as any less relevant than any adult I would invite.

Astounding entitlement.

The pair getting married can have their wedding day exactly as they like it.
It's their day.
If their idea of wedding perfection includes not dealing with or centring other peoples little darlings then so be it.
Adults tend to have an easier time relaxing and enjoying themselves when they aren't having to consistently keep an eye out for children. Particularly when alcohol is circulating.

Another thing is, where weddings are concerned, especially if it’s a family wedding, very often the people you would normally ask have also been invited to the wedding. So there are no other childcare options.

Think it depends on the type of wedding, the closeness of the family or friends invited & venue.
Not been to a wedding as such in about 14 years. However BF's family had two and kids were all over the place:
Reception for his aunt's send marriage was at a golf club/hotel near where she lived. Cousins five kids and BF's older nephew had great time climbing on trees outside and being made a fuss of. His younger nephew was old 13 weeks old - many relatives held him to give BF's sister a break and great auntie bride had a official wedding photo holding him! 400 professional pictures taken that day and kids feature in many that I've seen.

Marriage of his mother to her long time partner was much smaller affair and the all piled into local Italian restaurant for the reception. Italians being very family orientated had no probs with a whole long table of kids. Boyfriend was a little put out as he was seated as head of kids table to keep older DN inline (then aged six) and entertain the other kids - age range 8 to 15. He was a bit disgruntled that this was a classic passive/aggressive move by his mother & trying to label him still a 'child' in his mid 30s! Still he has fun and played games on the phones with some of the older ones when they were bored.
Only minor issue was younger nephew - three years then - at the registry office earlier refusing to leave Bf's sister's side when she had to sign the witness on the license. He made a fuss and had to sit on her knee. Older nephew was sitting with BF and giggled at youngers antics, but that was it.
That whole is incredibly close and wouldn't dream of banning kids from wedding events.

I have a feeling lots of people don't have friends but people they hate but keep in life so they can say they have friends. It really shines from any wedding or party or gifting thread on here.

It's not just the cost of one child, try the cost of 30 children, and not all those 30 will be happy with a plate of nuggets some will need a full adult meal.

Kids don't suddenly explode into adults on the eve of they 18th birthday

unbelievable you would you leave your own child out.

How can anyone claim to love their child to pieces but couldn’t be bothered to have them at their own wedding!

I think you are ridiculous. As if a child so young will even remember! PP enjoyed her wedding I hope, that is the crucial thing. I don't remember what I did from ages 1-4 lol! The thought of it being "unbelievable" that my mum and dad didn't take me everywhere is absurd.

Well said.

Besides, children even if "well-behaved" interrupt, take the focus off conversation, don't have the stamina adults do, and lower the ambience. Some of us like elegant adults-only atmosphere.

I am baffled by people who 'don't have childcare.' Everyone I know with children has made it a point to recruit and know the availability of Plan A, Plan B and Plan C, from casual neighbourhood arrangements with teens, to uni students, to hiring from professional agencies, depending on the occasion.

As a teenager myself I minded non-family children ranging from newborns to pre-teens, including overnight on few occasions. There was no problem feeding them and putting them to bed. Parents who are glued to their kids and never take adult time away from them, for socializing with adults, genuinely puzzle me.

Come on. The one-year-old would have zero awareness of what was happening.

Why shouldn't his parents enjoy their event without worrying about him for a few hours?

I find it unbelievable that some parents have so little life that they can't envision doing anything without kids in tow.