Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

I have children and had a child free wedding. We'd have never been able to have all we had invited (adults) if we'd started inviting children too.

YABU, it’s their choice. I had family children only at my wedding. Now I have my own child I wouldn’t expect to be able to always bring her to formal events, and definitely not to a friends wedding. It’s so expensive to get married these days and it’s hard enough to narrow down the guest list. It was £120 per adult plus £55 per child at my wedding on top of the £7500 venue hire! Please don’t make difficult decisions even harder by throwing your toys out of the pram over this.

there were loads of kids because they are a valuable part of the family
Fair enough, but not inviting the kids of friends and distant relatives isn’t putting a lesser value on them in any way…
They’re not part of the b & g’s family anyway.
Don’t read so much into it 😂

We have 4 weddings this year all child free.

Our wedding was child free and the last 4 I've been to have also been child-free. I can't actually remember a wedding which wasn't child-free. I enjoy them.

One wedding is 5 hours away so we've had to get childcare for 2-3 days in total for that one due to 2 night's stay for it, but at the same time we could have just declined the invite.

I know the cost per head for child at my wedding was around £70. Not cheap! And the number of guests was a cost per head, so the more guests the higher cost. Obviously I would like those costs per head to be adults who will appreciate the meal and the occasion rather than children - especially for that cost.

Parties are for kids, weddings are for adults in my opinion.

Like I said...just different

They only cost next to nothing under the age of about 10 much beyond that your paying an adult meal for them.

Once they are 18 your paying the full drinks package for them too.

And regardless of how small they are they still count to the venue capacity.
Its not that long since there was a thread where a child was uninvited to a wedding. It's was suspected the B&G though under 5s who were free, didn't count in the capacity numbers.

I've never been invited to a child free wedding, funnily enough. We thought we had been once, because DS1 wasn't on the invitation, but as it was DH's bff he decided to check "of course DS1 is meant to come, there are going to be loads of kids!"

My mum and dad got invited to child free weddings - mostly for my dad's brothers I think. They always turned them down out of principal unless it was just for the evening. I think I'd do the same, wouldn't want to use up such a big babysitting favour on going to a wedding that must stick to the script so badly that kids aren't allowed!

Your level of entitlement to whinge about this OP is UNREAL.

I’d say of the weddings I’ve been to 70/30 have been child free with the 30 having mainly only family kids. I had a child free wedding and would do again! Each to their own and as is often said here it is an invitation not a summons! I preferred to attend weddings without my children as was often a day to be with other friends etc… not sure there is anything wrong with that but then again nor is there anything wrong with wanting your kids there. Each to their own

There’s no script. Your children just aren’t half as enchanting to other people as they are to you 🤷🏻‍♀️
Turning invitations down “on principle” indeed! 😂

I am like you and think weddings are full family affairs but I respect other's decision to have their wedding the way they want to.

What you have to remember when weddings are child-free the bride and groom have gone to themselves...with the wedding being child-free this will mean some people either won't come or just one person from the couple invited will come....and the bride and groom have decided they are OK about that. Faced with choosing all their friends to come but also come with kids or less friends to come but it being a child-free wedding...they have chosen less friends and child-free wedding. They don't want you there as much as you maybe want to be there (with your kids in toe).

To be fair - this is about their enjoyment of their wedding - and not about your enjoyment of the event with your partner and kids.

I unfortunately married into a family which does only child free wedding,including family children (even nephews and nieces, even if they're in the wedding ceremony have to leave afterwards!)

It was a new and unpleasant thing for me to find out. No such things as childfree weddings in my community or among my friends.

I've been to a couple of weddings recently which were very relaxed, informal affairs - marquee in a garden, buffet food etc. So there would be little additional cost to having chidren there, and they were very 'child friendly' environments (no long formal ceremonies, lots of space for kids to play, no obvious issues with capacity etc). And yet in both cases no children were invited at all, not even children in the immediate family. Clearly just didn't want any kids there.

Also, kids being tired is a great excuse to leave when you've had enough yourself

I wish there were more for me personally!

I had a child free wedding, as if not I would have had 6, honestly 6, babies 6 months and under there. Also MIL was particularly obsessed with her grandson and DH would have been largely ignored on his wedding day.

I have 2 weddinga abroad next year and both are inviting kids, one are having my boys as part of the wedding. So I cant leave them home. It is horrifically expensive and means I cant really relax, enjoy, have a drink etc.

One child free wedding I declined to attend due to childcare issues (no family to pick up the slack and venue too far to do in a day) the bride (my friend) never spoke to me again after🤷🏼‍♀️….I thought that really was rather unreasonable and weird!! Another friend was miffed I wouldn’t travel to her child free wedding abroad(!) 6 weeks after I’d given birth when neither baby not toddler were allowed. She ‘forgave’ me in the end though🤦🏼‍♀️🙄🤣…..

If for every one friend you want to invite, you have to also invite their partner and two children, the guest list becomes out of control quite quickly. It’s easy getting married younger before everyone has children as you only have the plus ones to deal with. So now if I want to invite 20 friends it’s roughly 80 guests. Surely you can do the maths and see that’s not viable by the time you add in family members and the obligatory family children.

I agree. A wedding shouldn't be a curated event, it's supposed to be a family celebration. Excluding children from celebrating just because they are young doesn't sit easily with me.

We invited children to ours (6 years ago) but just asked that they were well behaved 😂

In my view weddings are family events, and it’s mean to exclude children. Each to their own, of course, but I’m glad we had them at ours.

Alot of posters who had child free weddings are basically saying its down to cost alot of the time.

Understandable, but I don't think I could insult half of my family and friends just to save a few quid. I'd adjust things accordingly so my family (and yes children are part of that!) would be included in what is a union of 2 people and families.

I bet those same couples, excluding dc for the reason of cost, expected the parents to cough up money for hotel overnight stays, gifts, outfits, babysitting/nanny and everything else that goes with attending a wedding though. Whilst giving a very clear message their dc are not worthy of the same respect. It rubs me up the wrong way that people see children as less then first class citizens. as though they are pets or something that are inconvenient. I find it odd. But then all the dc I know, of both family and friends don't behave like little shits, so maybe thats why I can't understand when people excluse dc.

Giving reasons of cost, in case one cries at an important part are just shitty excuses for not wanting kids there full stop. You can't be bothered with them, you don't want them there, and they will cost you a little bit more and you'd rather not spend an extra couple of hundred quid on kids of all things, on top of the £10,000 you are forking out for everything else.

Just be honest, you just don't want kids there. If you did, you would absolutely make sure they can be accommodated.

Its when people say, "oh the cost", or "the venue isn't really suited to children", or "we don't want cousin alberts kids there so we have to exclude ALL of them" that is just pathetic. Just be bloody honest, instead of giving shit excuses you could absolutely get around.

I'd have far more respect for someone who would actually admit they didn't invite the children because they simply don't like and don't want any children there, than someone who came up with some tripe about cost, venue, in case one misbehaves bollocks.

Really dislike childfree weddings - especially as the bulk of them happen when people within the same peer group are also having babies, so have to faff around organising childcare, which isn't always easy with babies/toddlers and long-distance weddings. I actually couldn't go to my own half-brother's wedding as he chose to do it on a school night and have it childfree; he lives in a different part of the country, and I didn't have any childcare available who could have babysat overnight and taken the kids to school the next day. So that was a shame and I still feel bad about it, even though it couldn't be helped. Obviously people can do what they want on their day, and I get that costs are an important factor, but I still think childfree weddings are a bit joyless and generally a bit crap.

Now my kids are older, though, and don't need babysitting, I wouldn't be offended if they weren't invited to weddings of friends of mine they don't actually know.

How many children do you have in your family?

Surely you can see that for some people that's relevant.

I have 6 kids. I can totally understand why for some family members paying £50 a head for 6 kids is too much. Especially when you consider that my BIL has 3 and he and DH come from a large family so cousin's children number 30+

Mumsnet: where a wedding is supposed to about anything other than what the couple getting married actually want.

I think it shows people who have a village and who don’t. We can’t attend any weddings as we have no childcare options if they are child free.

People who have a reliable childcare option wont ever think a child free wedding is an issue.

The so called "gentle parenting" trend that seems to be all the rage at the moment will make it more likely that couples will want a child free wedding.