AIBU and shallow for being put off him now he said this on our date?

[Nevs]

I recently went on a date with a guy I met at the gym. I’d seen him a few times over the weeks, and thought he was good looking.

Finally he approached me and we exchanged numbers, texted for a bit, then arranged the date.

I was quite interested originally, until I met up with him. We were at the bar and he said he was happy to be on a date, as apparently, when he first moved here (he’s new to the area), he said he’d joined Tinder, and made a lot of “good matches”. He then said “But when I messaged them, none of them replied, not one”.

I have never been on a dating site. Not been on a date in a while either. I instantly felt like I’d won the prize that no one else wants, and that he’s probably a bit desperate trying to talk to a lot of women. I’m completely put off now.

AIBU?

Yup. Think he's the one who needs to reconsider further dates if someone goes off him for such shallow reasons.

I wouldn’t have thought anything of it. I had a similar experience on tinder

I find that quite self-deprecating, it wouldn’t put me off at all. Don’t judge him on one comment. He might merely mean, how much easier it is to date in real life opposed to online.

Oh how super cool and superior you are OP.

This guy is better off without you.

Apprently 1:3 relationships start via online dating. I met my husband via online dating and I know many others who also met their partners that way.

If previously having online dated is a big “no-no” for you then you may be waiting some time to find your guy.

Enjoy your cats 👍

He was a lovely guy in every other way but once I’m put off there’s no going back. Meh, can’t help how I feel I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️

So what was the point of the thread? Yes, you were being unreasonable. But you've clearly already made up your mind. Which is fair enough. It's not like it's compulsory to date and if you're happy on your own, it's no big deal. I think you may just find he'll be the one who got away.

I think it depends on whether you are that bothered about a ltr

If you want the ltr don’t rely on always having so many offers. At some point they do dry up.

Took me a while to interpret what you thought was wrong with his comment tbh. I think you're over-thinking it.

It's be worse if he'd been having loads of flings. He probs didn't realise Tinder was mainly for hookups and was writing serious intros. You'd surely be a bit like wtf if a bloke you met in real life was put off by the fact you're OLD.

When I matched with my lovely DH on Tinder, the first thing he said to me was "are you real?". Apparently, he's found that lots of the accounts were bots etc and never replied to messages.

Clearly I am real, and here we are today! It's not his fault if he said hi to people and they ignore him.

All out for me 😁Got to love Mumsnet

I feel I didn’t put my point across properly. I’m not put off by the OLD, and no, I don’t think I’m above it. You all made that assumption.

The reason I have never done it is because I haven’t been single in well over a decade (he was in the forces based away most of the time so I’m use to being alone, but stuck in my ways, hence why I also said I’m not too bothered about going out and looking for a relationship)

The thing which put me off is because he almost breathed a sigh of relieve when he said, like he was saying “God FINALLY I’ve got a date someone, just anyone, was willing to come out with me”. I got the impression he wants a relationship and anyone half decent will do.

I want someone to have a genuine interest in me as a person, not just because I’m available and I’ll do.

Obviously I’m a terrible awful person for that, thank you for the contributions

But this isn't what you said in your previous posts.

You’re right I didn’t, I asked if that remark who put anyone else off.

Then I was met with a load of abuse accusing me of looking down on OLD, that I think I’m superior and too good for him. I didn’t write any of that in my original post either.

I’d take his remark more about being a comment about how tough OLD is, and a acknowledgement about how it is hard to meet people. You may be batting them off, but most single people I know are not. I think he probably expected you to agree

The thing which put me off is because he almost breathed a sigh of relieve when he said, like he was saying “God FINALLY I’ve got a date someone, just anyone, was willing to come out with me”. I got the impression he wants a relationship and anyone half decent will do.

I don't think that's necessarily the case. OLD can be quite soul destroying so there can just be a sense of 'well thank fuck I've at least got a date'. That doesn't mean you'd be prepared to accept anyone, just that you're glad things at last seem to be moving in the right direction. It's a bit like job hunting. You might be glad you've got an interview but that doesn't mean you'll accept the first job offered.

I wonder how much this is to do with your self esteem? Why not believe he might actually like you, rather than think he's only there because he's desperate.

Sounds like he's had a pretty crummy experience with old (he won't be the first there) and anyone in that situation might sound relieved to make it onto a date.
It might have been clumsily put, but I wouldn't write him off based on that!
Loads of people put their foot in it on a first date, cos, y'know, they're human and nerves can be involved.

OP, he may have phrased things badly..I know my son met such a lovely woman on sites, but told me it was brutal.

He's in Uni and socialising but still found meeting his type of woman difficult.

I definitely think you should consider another date or two.

It's cos he was complaining about other women. It would have put me off too

The thing which put me off is because he almost breathed a sigh of relieve when he said, like he was saying “God FINALLY I’ve got a date someone, just anyone, was willing to come out with me”. I got the impression he wants a relationship and anyone half decent will do

Many of my genuinely lovely female friends have said similar to me. There is nothing wrong with any of them.

I’m going against the grain here. I think it shows a lack of good judgement about the appropriate things to say on a date and it wouldn’t come across well to me either. I don’t think it’s looking down your nose to dislike OLD or to prefer that any potential future partner doesn’t go on dating sites (although I appreciate that’s not what you said.)

Don’t let people tell you you’re old fashioned / picky etc and that the ‘poor old men’ can’t win and need to be given a chance. You don’t owe anyone a date. Do what feels right for you.

I hate the whole premise of OLD and wouldn’t date anyone who did. I definitely do not look down on anyone that does, it just indicates we have different outlooks. It’s tragic that meeting someone naturally through normal interactions is now considered ‘old fashioned’ 😒