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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and shallow for being put off him now he said this on our date?

119 replies

Nevs · 04/06/2023 19:04

I recently went on a date with a guy I met at the gym. I’d seen him a few times over the weeks, and thought he was good looking.

Finally he approached me and we exchanged numbers, texted for a bit, then arranged the date.

I was quite interested originally, until I met up with him. We were at the bar and he said he was happy to be on a date, as apparently, when he first moved here (he’s new to the area), he said he’d joined Tinder, and made a lot of “good matches”. He then said “But when I messaged them, none of them replied, not one”.

I have never been on a dating site. Not been on a date in a while either. I instantly felt like I’d won the prize that no one else wants, and that he’s probably a bit desperate trying to talk to a lot of women. I’m completely put off now.

AIBU?

OP posts:
peachypudding · 05/06/2023 04:44

Lysianthus · 05/06/2023 03:42

Only read 20 or so replies but....I think he's had a lucky escape.

I was going to say the same!

Wallywobbles · 05/06/2023 04:48

So if you could put yourself in his shoes. New to the area etc No friends to meet people through. Don't or can't date people from work.

Honestly online dating is how most people date now. You need to get over yourself.

Ladybug14 · 05/06/2023 04:52

Well aren't you just lovely. Confused

Poor guy. Don't see him again. He deserves better.

SittingNextToIt · 05/06/2023 04:56

This man has just had a very lucky escape. You sound absolutely the last thing he’d want in his life .

laceydoily · 05/06/2023 05:01

No- by that rationale you could say you'd bever date anyone whose been dumped before because clealry theres something "wrong" with them if someone dated them and then left them.

MaggieBsBoat · 05/06/2023 05:04

Yup you sound like a bit of an asshole @Nevs

ShandaLear · 05/06/2023 05:26

Wow, you make a puddle look deep.

Blossomed · 05/06/2023 06:01

He’d just moved to the area and was trying to meet new people. I think that’s fair enough and wouldn’t put me off at all.

onecarrot · 05/06/2023 06:02

I hope he finds someone nice. That might not be you judging by this post.

Summerfun54321 · 05/06/2023 06:32

Don't date this guy, he deserves better than your shallow judgement, he was just being open and honest. I'd much rather that than him bragging about getting loads of women.

knittingaddict · 05/06/2023 06:33

That second post makes you sound shallow and judgemental. So much so that I'm wondering if this is a wind up.

The man, real or imaginary, sounds rather lovely and very normal.

Tourmalines · 05/06/2023 06:40

Nevs · 04/06/2023 20:08

Happy to accept I’m being unreasonable.

I guess it put me off because like I said I’ve never been on a dating site, never felt the need to and have never gone out my way to try to date. Which I guess is what he going.

This was the first date I’d been on in a while. Not from lack of offers, but because I’m quite choosey and not that bothered about meeting anyone.

He was a lovely guy in every other way but once I’m put off there’s no going back. Meh, can’t help how I feel I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️

No worries, the thought of a future with 10 cats sounds rather lovely

10 cats , yuk !!

Chispazo · 05/06/2023 06:42

It depends @Nevs was he coming across angry at ''wimmin'' in general you know what I mean. I tried OLD in my 40s (now in my 50s) and I had no luck. One user/player/pervert after the next and all of them believing they could do better! ha! So, I wouldn't judge him for having tried to find a date online, but something didn't sit right with you. Was it that he seemed angry with women for not recognising his brilliance and vented about that while on a date with a woman!?!? That would annoy me too!

Once a man I was just chatting to online was venting to me about how ''all women'' online were scammers but he never suggested meeting me. I think I'd messaged him first. He was a couple of years older than I was if he was tellnig the truth, he was bitching about having given money to a woman whose mother back in the philippines needed money for her car/an operation, I can't remember exactly but I thought fgs, you're literally messaging an honest person but you don't see the woods for the trees because you're messaging vulnerable, foreign, much younger women. But these experiences that he was creating were defining women Eugh.

AngelAurora · 05/06/2023 06:43

Non issue seriously.

FriendsStan · 05/06/2023 06:55

Do him a favour and don't see him again.

Your bar for being put off is extremely low, and if not this, then I'm sure there will soon be some other minor transgression that you just cannot overlook, thus wasting yours and his time.

For what its worth (probably not a lot judging your posts) yabu.

Zone2NorthLondon · 05/06/2023 07:00

@Nevs you are shallow, maybe he’s better off without you and your mean girl conclusion and summations

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2023 07:04

Yeah, you got that one wrong op.

That's just what OLD is like, nothing to do with the person.

But I wouldn't worry, if you are in real life how you've come across on here, (not good, your second post), he won't want another date either. (Well maybe for a shag but otherwise no). So it'll be a mutual win.

5128gap · 05/06/2023 07:13

Perhaps he had been very choosy himself and trying only for the most desirable women for whom there was a lot of competition. A lot of men do this and get no takers, or get overlooked in the rush. Its a problem if it indicates entitlement or you suspect he sees you as a compromise.

Easterchick123 · 05/06/2023 07:14

I can kind of see what you're saying. Little things always used to put me off and put doubts in my mind.

I think he was perhaps talking more about people being a little ignorant on dating sites? It's not really a reflection on him.

I met my husband on a dating site. He was telling me that nobody ever wanted to meet him!!!! It really put me off at the time. He kept getting ghosted. I gave him a chance as he seemed nice.

He is now a great husband and an amazing daddy. I realise now he was a bit insecure before.

If you like him then give him another chance. If you aren't keen then don't waste any more time.

Museya15 · 05/06/2023 07:18

AHH I'm taking it you're a millennial.

StemStem · 05/06/2023 07:30

If it puts you off it puts you off. Stop wasting his time and let other women have a shot on him.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 05/06/2023 07:47

Reminds me of that old joke about the woman who goes to a homeware shop to make some purchases, but everything she asks about has already been bought and reserved by Mrs Brown. Eventually she finds a pretty painting that she likes and says, "But I guess Mrs Brown has this as well?"

"Actually no, that's for sale. Would you like it?"

"No thank you, if it's not good enough for Mrs Brown then it's not good enough for me."

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 05/06/2023 07:52

You’re rating your enjoyment of your date on what some other girls though of him? Are you 12?

Sarahtm35 · 05/06/2023 07:57

id personally never go for a man who went on dating apps because that’s just not me, however if you’re ok with that part and he was honest about his experiences I don’t see what’s to be put off. I’d rather that then a guy who’s dated hundreds on tinder before he got round to me.

Posypointshoes · 05/06/2023 08:01

I think it’s weird that you would be put off by that, as it suggests you’re only dating him because you thought everyone else would think he was a catch. Now he’s said no one replied you’re thinking oh maybe he’s not… so you’re not basing it on him at all just perception of other people. It does sound really shallow.

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