To ask if mothers ever consider giving up work?

[mrlistersgelfbride]

Today was my only day in this week due to half term. Put DD (5) in holiday club. I was on pick up and drop off. It was meant to be an easy day.

Work was fine. Set off home for DD in plenty of time. Was less than 10 miles from home when traffic came to complete standstill. I was stuck in that traffic for 1.5 hours. My parents and MIL are both away. Partner was in pub with a friend. He has his own business and WFH and things are quiet on a Friday.
I had to ask him to go to get DD. He was totally unimpressed. I felt so guilty to ruin his afternoon and not be able to pick DD up.

This is not sustainable is it? I have a 60 mile round commute. My job is not possible to do from home (biology lab). It's pretty niche and not possible to get anything the same but closer to home. I've hung onto this job for 10 years and I love it but it's just too far away. Can't be doing with the driving any more. I miss so much, can't pick DD up from school, can't be around for school pick up or even pick up from after school/holiday club.

I've never WFH...what could I do? Where would I start? Truly had enough of long commutes, as a parent it sucks. Can anyone relate?

And he always earned significantly more than he. He just works for a company that has a reasonable attitude towards childcare.

Just to add

It’s been a while, but if any of the kids were sick, we shared the load too. So neither workplace suffered more through our absence.

This. And tbh the worse the partner the more you need to job. I’d keep the job and ditch the partner.

It’s your partner not the job that’s the problem. When you’re a parent nothing is set in stone. If the roles were reversed and you were in the pub would you be ‘not impressed’ because your dh was stuck in a traffic jam he had no control over. Your husband needs to realise he’s a parent not a baby sitter.

You seem convinced that your partner had a right to be annoyed at being asked to pick up his own child? Even though he wasn’t working and being late was completely out of your control.

Seriously OP, why do you think this? Do you actually believe men/fathers have more rights than women/mothers? Where does this come from?? Are you passing these views onto your own child?

And for the record I actually am hoping to take a career break to spend more time at home with my kids (need to save more money first though). But it’s a totally different situation to yours as I don’t love my job and my partner shares all the childcare 50/50.

Yes my son had loads of behavioural related sen issues and I was constantly called to pick him up from nursery and school waiting for ehcp and his one on one now work from home for our family business but honestly I reallllly wouldn’t be able to work out if the house now because my 2nd son currently 4 is going through this and I’ve had to constantly go to the nursery. Waiting on his ehcp…they’ve cut his hours at nursery in half!

Please don't quit the job you love!!

Get your partner to share responsibility - if he knows that he doese every pick up Monday-Friday for example. Than thats his responsiblity and he knows what he's doing.

Start it today, make sure it's 50/50.

That way you're have a more relaxing commute and your partner and DD get 1-1 time.

I'm sure that if you were the higher earner and WFH you would be doing all the running around without question because he couldn't possibly commute 4 days a week and be expected to do any of it.
I can't imagine dp even considering not picking dc up if I was commuting and he was local.

Oh wow, he's her dad?!

He's allowed to be a bit pissed off that he had to cancel his plans but that's part of being a parent.

If your job is important to you and can't be done from somewhere nearer then your options are

• considering moving somewhere closer to reduce the commute
• having robust back up plans for if you get held up

Giving up a career in case of traffic doesn't sound sensible.

To be clear - the "robust back up plams" should largely be "her dad picks her up"

If your DP requires notice to pick up his own child then I'd assign him daily pick ups so he has notice

Why are you rushing back when he has a quieter Friday?

Definitely don't give up your career because your DP isn't pulling his weight. Not only so you're financially independent but pension/personal savings etc can't be underestimated.

Definitely your partner who needs to step up and not sulk if he has to pick up HIS child last minute because you’re stuck in traffic on your way home from work.

In terms of giving up work, I’m working only one day a week for now as spending time with my 1 year old is the most important thing for me at the moment. However, when he starts school I’ll work more and it will be between both me and his dad to deal with pick ups and drop offs.
It doesn’t have to be on the mum. I’ve chosen that for now. It doesn’t mean it’s the way it has to be.

This is exactly what I was thinking! If I was working one day of half term and DH was finishing early he would 100% WANT to be collecting or would arrange to take the whole day off.

As it is I'm a teacher so I can't do any drop offs or pick ups in term time. DH earns double my salary but he WFH or locally so he does all the drop offs and one pick up per week. He also arranges to attend all daytime school events and takes AL for Inset days. I then do the holidays. Childcare is a team effort!

Wow thank you for the replies and advice! I've only just logged into mumsnet today and didn't expect more replies!
To answer some:
Secondary school lab work is an option for me, although it was actually my first proper job aged 23 and now would be a quite a big pay cut. Although I'm weighting up if it's worth it...maybe a good option.

@Marshmallow87 That sounds interesting. Can I ask what websites you found you job on or how you find vacancies?

@Clymene Yes partner was fine about putting DD in holiday club. I never really thought it was due to his laziness, DD likes holiday club and has friends who attend.