to have the ick… FIL and DS

[Changedmymindtoday22]

Just want to see if I’m being precious….
FIL and DS were having lunch today with family.
DS had food on his finger that he wanted to be cleaned.

FIL sucked his finger to remove food.

is that ok? Weird?

He has kissed him on the lips when he was a baby too which I asked DH to tell him not to do. I personally find it ick.

Keen to know if it is, or would that be normal?

I agree.

OP why do you find it OK for a parent but not for a grandparent? Do you not expect grandparents to be that close to grandchildren?

TBH it would bother me much more that hands weren’t washed before the meal.

I wouldn't say anything but if he does it again and it makes you uncomfortable I'd maybe say something like...."oh yuk, careful grandad, these kids are full of germs"

If he’s 69 then wet wipes were around when his kids were small.

Absolutely this.

I can't even begin to understand why a grandparent licking a bit of food off a young toddler's finger would be an issue. Neither can I understand why kissing a child on the lips is taboo. A grandparent is a close family relative - it's perfectly normal to kiss young children on the lips. Absolutely no need to sexualise this, it's extremely commonplace in many cultures - it used to be commonplace in the UK too until relatively recently. I just can't see the problem at all.

No one is going to force you to lick a child's finger if you don't want to, but honestly if another close relative does it.....it's fine. And that applies to grandparents as well as parents.

A bit weird, but no drama. At first I thought you meant FIL sucked off his adult DS, your DH 🤣

Weird. Can't imagine doing that to kids.

My mil once put some of her ive cream on her finger and put it in my 1year olds daughters mouth. That was 6 years ago but I still gag whenI think about it.....her nasty long smoke stained nails....blergh

OP, I totally get what you mean. I wouldn’t like anyone else licking food off my DD’s fingers, nor would I do it! If I witnessed someone else doing this to a child I would find it really cringey.
OP - let this go just once but if you witness it again, you will have to say something if you feel this is something that is overstepping your DS’s boundaries.

I wouldn't think anything of it. He's DS's family!

Me too when they were small.

Totally gross thing to do to a little kid. I can't believe people on here think it's OK! As for the kissing on the lips. WTF.

What's wrong with kissing on the lips! He's a baby, it's his granddad not some random. People are so uptight on here sometimes

Why does it bother you? Genuine question x

We’ll knock me down with a feather!! Google? What is that witchcraft?

I just thought as you have all this knowledge about bacteria and how they are associated to age ranges, you could point us mere mortals to your studies, or other peer reviewed studies so we can share your outrage!

I think that “the ick” is a poor choice of wording (I’ve never heard that phrase in a non sexual context, so it probably accounts for some of the responses). I guess YANBU to find it gross though, but I’d put it in the no big deal category.

Eugh that's gross on multiple fronts.

Haha he'll probably get worms, 2 year olds hands are filthy, as they should be when playing! That's just gross though. I think if you wouldn't like it done to you then you're not unreasonable to not want your kid to do it. I wouldn't like it either.

I would say the poor man would be mortified if he knew about some of the OTT comments on this thread.

And as a ps with the lip kissing, some people do and some dont. I never did with my parents or grandparents, but my DH did with his family. I think it's a rule by thumb, my God children have grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips at that age (which is cute, but I swiftly have to wipe off the slobber lol)

Maybe it's a maternal instinct thing coming out, but when I had my first son my MIL put her bare finger into his mouth when he was about two weeks old to see if he was hungry (he always was, and obviously sucked it, he wasn't crying etc) and I had to leave the room as casually as I could and cried 🙈

My mum would have done the same with my children. Never thought anything of it tbh. It wouldn't bother me the grandfather doing this. You seem to be suggesting theres more to it which is odd.

My sisters dad once "play pretended" to eat her sons (he was a baby at the time ) hand. Hard to explain on here but he was making stupid monster noises whilst doing it and put the babies hand/wrist right into his in his mouth(?) I still cringe to this day thinking about it.

You can't be bloody serious! You sound unhinged!

OP, do please reduce contact, gradually fade out of the man's life. If you do have to meet, eg at family gatherings, either you or your husband be with your children or keep them in sight at all times.

He may have meant no harm but the fact that your instincts told you otherwise is significant; a mother's instincts are good ones, don't let anyone tell you different. You don't have to say anything to anyone else, if you did they'd probably say you were over-reacting, just do it. At the very least it will do your children no harm, they probably won't even notice if you play it well; alternatively, you could be protecting them from harm.

Keep a subtle eye on him too, especially if there are other children around.

I, and I'm sure you, hope it is all 'nothing' but your children's safety is paramount. He's weird.

I've never come across adults kissing children on the lips; it seems gross to me and I am extremely relaxed and naturally affectionate. Neither have I seen young children go to adults and kiss them on the lips, if I did I'd wonder from where they got that (unless they were copying adults on the telly). Natural instincts tell you that is just not done, I doubt most people would even think of it.