to have the ick… FIL and DS

[Changedmymindtoday22]

Just want to see if I’m being precious….
FIL and DS were having lunch today with family.
DS had food on his finger that he wanted to be cleaned.

FIL sucked his finger to remove food.

is that ok? Weird?

He has kissed him on the lips when he was a baby too which I asked DH to tell him not to do. I personally find it ick.

Keen to know if it is, or would that be normal?

Oh no not at all.

It’s more that my son had to eat from his saliva fingers. Nothing sinister at all beyond yucky saliva on my kids fingers.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS

If it were just weird, you would feel weird. You felt Ick. You were there and we weren't. You got a creepy feeling for a reason. Read The Gift of Fear.

You'll get some gaslighting here for sure but if I were you I'd reduce contact. You asked him to stop the lip-kissing and he did no introspection and/or doesn't give a fuck. Reduce contact or even don't see him. He's adding nothing worthwhile to your sons life.

Oh this would get my back up too OP. But I find the whole "using spit to clean children" thing really grim and disrespectful. MIL used to be forever licking her finger and using the spit to clean little smudges of food off of DS's face at mealtimes until I asked her how she could possibly think her spit was cleaner than the food. Like, better to just have the food there than someone else's spit, surely?! We don't clean anything else with spit, so why children's hands and faces??

Just as you seem particularly bothered about him giving him a kiss … I don’t think any saliva is exchanged when giving a peck, and if the most “Ick” thing your child has on their fingers is a tiny bit of grandparent saliva, you must have done an amazing job keeping him germ free.

Please tell me this is a parody.

I have no concerns with the relationship at all. I want to be very clear.

I just want to know should I say something should it happen again or would I look a little crazy. I didn’t like it, DH said nothing and I have not raised it with him just yet.

Yup, I knew it.

OP has no idea whether he's a paedophile and there's no obligation for her to prove paedophilia before she recognises creepy behaviour and takes steps to keep her son away from someone who has no respect for Body autonomy.

Wouldn't bother me

You're not " crazy" for not wanting someone to literally suck your child.

Yuck. Saliva should be kept to oneself, in my opinion.

I'm not a fan of kissing children on the lips, either. Pecks on the cheek are better. I know some families think nothing of lip-kisses, but it would give me the creeps. Kissing on the lips is strictly for romantic partners.

YANBU......I remember feeling like this when my BIL "clipped" his 2 year olds nails with his teeth......Ick.ick.ick 🤮

Same! It’s easier, especially if the food is tasty!

I’d be grossed out if anyone did this. Kids have dirty hands and people have dirty saliva mouths (and if they’ve just eaten then they’re putting saliva AND food particles on the kids fingers 🤢 ). Just no. Use a babywipe.

I think it’s grim, I wouldn’t like it either and relatives should respect your wishes.

I think it’s clear that people just have different views. It doesn’t make someone weird or odd to want or not want to do it. It wouldn’t be odd in my family, but I can appreciate it is in others. But, to immediately go to something sordid I do find odd, unless someone has had a history of abuse. Let’s not shame either side. My father isn’t a paedophille because my child stuck his chocolatey fingers up his nose and in his mouth, whilst laughing his head off. My mother isn’t a paedophille because my child kissed her on her lips goodbye and then grabbed her around the legs shouting ‘bye bye Nana’.

Perhaps they didn't have wet wipes in his day!

🤮

I couldn’t get excited about this. Babies pick up all sorts of germs.

Nothing sordid.
No concerns.
Please don’t keep bringing that up it’s not necessary. It’s a very simple Q over a very simple event…

I’m trying to determine whether I would ask for that to not happen again if it does.

I don’t care if he picks up a bug from my DS. His problem!!

Not sure this situation is exactly the right use for the term "the ick"... 🤔

For me this wouldn't be worth upsetting anyone over.

Have you seen a two year old's hands at the best of times?.. I daren't hold my hand out to my DD(2) when she brings me something anymore, the last time I did that she put of clump of dog shit in my hand.

My mother in law always worries at the petting farm that the animals would give my DD germs if she was to fed them.. I said to stop worrying, as it's more likely that the animals would drop dead.

I'd be more worried about your FIL, I hope his immune system is okay!

Of course you can. You can ask them anything to do with your child if it upsets you (don’t give them bananas/sweets/celery, don’t swing them high on the swings, don’t read a certain book, don’t let them on a bouncy castle). Your child, your shout.

But the way you worded it made it sound like there was something else you were worried about.

Rather him than me 🤢