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AIBU?

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Original poster

to have the ick… FIL and DS

127 replies

Changedmymindtoday22 · 02/06/2023 20:02

Just want to see if I’m being precious….
FIL and DS were having lunch today with family.
DS had food on his finger that he wanted to be cleaned.

FIL sucked his finger to remove food.

is that ok? Weird?

He has kissed him on the lips when he was a baby too which I asked DH to tell him not to do. I personally find it ick.

Keen to know if it is, or would that be normal?

OP posts:
Queeniewag · 02/06/2023 21:02

I’d find this grim thankfully neither my father or FIL would do this yuck feel
sick thinking about it.

SweetStrawberrie · 02/06/2023 21:02

Look, if you're uncomfortable with it, say something.

Although if you don't think anything untoward is going on then i would probably chalk it up to one of grandads quirks.

My nan has several bless her that I think are barmy but she thinks are perfectly reasonable. She has also always kissed us all on the lips - sometimes still does!

NortieTortie · 02/06/2023 21:13

Did your child seem bothered?

SoShallINever · 02/06/2023 21:18

You can rest happy in the knowledge that FIL probably has threadworms now.

Fingeronthebutton · 02/06/2023 21:19

If you want to cause a massive family rift, go ahead and tell the grandfather how you feel. You’ll regret it, and upset an old/ older man who obviously loves his grandson.

SeeingSpots · 02/06/2023 21:21

Fingeronthebutton · 02/06/2023 21:19

If you want to cause a massive family rift, go ahead and tell the grandfather how you feel. You’ll regret it, and upset an old/ older man who obviously loves his grandson.

Why would asking her FIL not to lick her child's fingers cause a huge family rift. It's hardly an unreasonable request.

SoShallINever · 02/06/2023 21:21

Coffeetree · 02/06/2023 20:25

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS

If it were just weird, you would feel weird. You felt Ick. You were there and we weren't. You got a creepy feeling for a reason. Read The Gift of Fear.

You'll get some gaslighting here for sure but if I were you I'd reduce contact. You asked him to stop the lip-kissing and he did no introspection and/or doesn't give a fuck. Reduce contact or even don't see him. He's adding nothing worthwhile to your sons life.

Nah don't bother with "The gift of fear". I bought it and read it and it really is the crappest most useless book I've ever read.
I'm sure it's advertised on here as a marketing ploy. I can't see anyone who has actually read it, recommending it.

itsmylife7 · 02/06/2023 21:22

I imagine he sees his grandson as an extension of himself, and possibly done the same to his own son (your husband/partner) when he was small.

35965a · 02/06/2023 21:24

That is fucking disgusting. Adult saliva is absolutely full of germs, I wouldn’t want that on my dcs fingers. They then put their own fingers in their mouths and get manky bacteria on their teeth and gums. I would have said something because there’s no excuse for that.

Zarataralara · 02/06/2023 21:28

Uuuuggghh no, I’m a granny, would never ever enter my head to do this. Totally odd and gross.

Willmafrockfit · 02/06/2023 21:35

Changedmymindtoday22 · 02/06/2023 20:18

A parent is one thing sucking their child’s finger.
A 69 year old grandfather another…..

what a mean attitude

WafflesAndChocolate · 02/06/2023 21:38

Well he probably feels he's ingested enough germs throughout his life that he's robust enough to take his chances with a child's finger. Personally I wouldn't risk it even with my own children and I wouldn't like to guess where their finger has been!

My response to a child's food covered finger would be to hand my child a wipe/napkin or tell them to lick it off themselves!

Pteryl · 02/06/2023 21:38

35965a · 02/06/2023 21:24

That is fucking disgusting. Adult saliva is absolutely full of germs, I wouldn’t want that on my dcs fingers. They then put their own fingers in their mouths and get manky bacteria on their teeth and gums. I would have said something because there’s no excuse for that.

What exact bacteria are you talking about? Can you give us a breakdown on the bacteria in saliva through ages please. Also can you plot it against the bacteria on fingers through the ages. Thanks.

35965a · 02/06/2023 21:41

There’s this thing called google

35965a · 02/06/2023 21:42

35965a · 02/06/2023 21:41

There’s this thing called google

That was to @Pteryl

LBFseBrom · 02/06/2023 21:44

Changedmymindtoday22 · 02/06/2023 20:18

A parent is one thing sucking their child’s finger.
A 69 year old grandfather another…..

Quite. It is odd, especially as you said he wanted to kiss the child on the lips at one point. That is just not done with children.

If you were there when he was doing the finger licking, op, why did you not just say, "Don't do that! Use a tissue", or something?

What is the matter with the man, I wonder if he has lacked affection throughout his life.

Moveoverdarlin · 02/06/2023 21:55

Perfectly normal thing to do, providing they’re reasonably close and loving with each other. If my Dad did this to my 2 year old it wouldn’t bother me. If my FIL did it, it would give the ick just because he’s quite a cold, distant man who we don’t have a lot to do with.

Cerealkillerontheloose · 02/06/2023 21:56

All my grandmothers and grandfathers did this. Went back to the fact that it was just something they did. Wouldn’t worry me. Might think yuck depending what it was. But that’s it.

Overthinkingnotdrinking · 02/06/2023 21:57

I think you’re being overly precious unless there a huge peodo backstory

Cerealkillerontheloose · 02/06/2023 21:58

Changedmymindtoday22 · 02/06/2023 20:21

Hands not washed just before.

Tomato sauce.

This is a grandfather / grand son question, not a parent child scenario, which in my opinion is different.

Grandparents were also parents

remember that. Cos I’d you don’t find it strange for a parents to do. Then by this logic grandparents are so parents…

newmumtotwo24 · 02/06/2023 22:00

My dad regularly does this with my toddler I don't find it weird. So wouldn't be something I'd personally be making a fuss of.

StarDolphins · 02/06/2023 22:01

I wouldn’t do it because kids fingers are gross but if they were clean and/or my FIL wanted to do it then it wouldn’t be bothered!

TheLoupGarou · 02/06/2023 22:02

Sounds like a one-way ticket to threadworms - rather him than me 🤣

BusyCaz · 02/06/2023 22:03

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, I may say ewww you wanna watch where his fingers have been and laughed.

ThreeImaginaryBoys · 02/06/2023 22:08

Honestly? I think you're being absolutely ridiculous.

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