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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an ignorant comment

119 replies

sahayaway · 01/06/2023 18:42

We were talking about typical mundane office talk and I sajd “oh I don’t really like to cook”, mainly because I’m not good at it.

Colleague said “yeah it’s no fun cooking for one”. This is a woman in her 30s that’s been with her now husband since 16, so I highly doubt she’s ever lived alone.

I’m probably sensitive but I just find it a bit ignorant to comment things that like assuming the reason is because I’m single.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/06/2023 18:44

Yes you are being sensitive. This is a perfectly normal comment. It does suck to cook for one (said by a person who is married and cooks for myself only a large percentage of the time)

Milkand2sugarsplease · 01/06/2023 18:53

I don't think she meant anything by it to be honest. It is a bit crap cooking for one. I know I never go to much effort if it's just for me whereas I go to far more effort when I'm cooking for DH and the kids. It's just one of those comments people make, nothing sinister in there.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 01/06/2023 18:54

You’re being over-sensitive with this one.

ISeeMisledPeople · 01/06/2023 18:57

Just because she might not have lived alone, doesn't mean she hasn't had to cook for just herself.

I don't think it's something someone that has never had to cook for themselves would even think to say, tbh.

Definitely being oversensitive.

Bargellobitch · 01/06/2023 18:57

That's not what ignorant means. I'd imagine she has ever in her life cooked a meal for herself only.

I'd she normally mean about you being single? If not it was probably just something to say.

Medmumofone · 01/06/2023 19:00

It is annoying to cook for one because you tend to waste ingredients unless you like to eat the same thing for multiple consecutive meals. It’s also more expensive if you are particularly careful not to buy too much. Then there’s the whole motivation aspect.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 01/06/2023 19:00

Is she type of person who makes jabs like that?
Some people have to make sure single people women, feel like shit about themselves, not sure why….
I don’t think yabu.
Also the comment doesn’t even make sense.
What’s wrong with cooking for one, I do that always and it’s nothing but good news for me - all the delicious food is for me ☺️😋

IAmAnIdiot123 · 01/06/2023 19:02

Presumably she knows you're single though, and it isn't any fun cooking for one. I have been with my partner since I was 19 (now 34) but he often works away or works late nights. I never cook a full meal for myself in those circumstances.

Also, surely her assuming that is the reason you don't like to cook is better than her just thinking you're incompetent.

feathermucker · 01/06/2023 19:02

Yes, YABU.

RunningFromInsanity · 01/06/2023 19:03

I’m single and I would probably be a bit 🤨 at that comment too.

ProfessorXtra · 01/06/2023 19:04

I agree with her.

Just because she is married doesn’t mean she has never just cooked for one person.

If I am cooking for just me I can’t be arsed. Feels like a lot of fuss for not much really. I usually stop and get a boxed salad on the way home.

You reaction is because of how you feel about being single. You have read far too much into it her comment.

tigger1001 · 01/06/2023 19:07

Yes think you are being a bit sensitive.

Just because someone is married/lives with a partner doesn't mean they never have to cook for just one. I do at times and I dislike it.

Surely better than them coming out and saying you must be a bad cook??

Justmyviews · 01/06/2023 19:08

When my partner was deployed oversees with the military, I would just snack in the evening!

Cooking for 1 is awful.

Op you need to get a grip

Schooldinners1 · 01/06/2023 19:08

Well cooking for one isn’t very motivating, that’s how I felt when I was a singleton and would be focused on my work so much I would always be home late and never really made an effort in the kitchen. What’s the point if you’ll just be sat there alone?

It’s the same way you feel demotivated to cook when DC turn their noses up to anything you serve that isn’t chicken nuggets.

She probably didn’t think without speaking but if it makes you feel better just let her know you do have an active social/family life where you have nice dinner parties etc or start actually doing it and make it your reality so you don’t feel bothered by others comments.

If you aren’t happy you can change it!

thespy · 01/06/2023 19:11

She may have been trying to show empathy. I don't cook anything exciting for one if DH isn't here. It's boring and a faff and doesn't seem worth it.

Toottooot · 01/06/2023 19:12

I’m married, live with my husband and very regularly I have to cook for one. I don’t really like just cooking for me - nae ignorance here.

RollinRollinRollinRawhide · 01/06/2023 19:13

If DH is away I often just eat sandwiches because cooking for 1 is a PITA so I think you probably are possibly being over sensitive about thinking it’s a dig at being single, unless she’s usually one for making PA remarks of course.
I am now following a TickTocker who is single though. She so hates the extra work involved in cooking for one, she has developed a load of one pot dishes for one.

Kedece2410 · 01/06/2023 19:15

Honestly it seems more & more these days that people actually go out their way to be offended.

And she's right - cooking for one isn't much fun

Blossomtoes · 01/06/2023 19:16

Cooking for one is rubbish. Massive overthinking.

HappyCatty · 01/06/2023 19:17

I'm married but my husband works away. I don't enjoy cooking at the best of times and it certainly isn't any fun cooking for one.

Just because she is married doesn't mean she doesn't cook for one either. That's an ignorant assumption on your part, don't you think? Assuming she's never cooked just for herself just because she's married? That's more ignorant in my view than what she said.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 01/06/2023 19:18

YABU, oversensitive and don’t understand the meaning of the word “ignorant”.

She’s right.

continentallentil · 01/06/2023 19:21

Unless she has previous I wouldn’t assume it’s meant as a dig, however it’s a tactless thing to say given that single women are often treated as less-than, as everyone knows.

It’s also daft to assume you dislike cooking for one rather than cooking in general - given plenty of people love cooking for one.

So should it crop up again just say no I don’t like cooking full stop.

For now let it go.

continentallentil · 01/06/2023 19:22

I think the OP means ignorant as in rude, which is how it’s colloquially used in some parts of Ireland. (Do you OP?!)

Topseyt123 · 01/06/2023 19:28

I can't see the issue with this. It either wouldn't have registered on my radar at all or I might have agreed with her.

I see nothing to be offended about and wouldn't regard it as ignorant.

dapsnotplimsolls · 01/06/2023 19:35

I think it very much depends how it was said - straightforward or snarky?