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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an ignorant comment

119 replies

sahayaway · 01/06/2023 18:42

We were talking about typical mundane office talk and I sajd “oh I don’t really like to cook”, mainly because I’m not good at it.

Colleague said “yeah it’s no fun cooking for one”. This is a woman in her 30s that’s been with her now husband since 16, so I highly doubt she’s ever lived alone.

I’m probably sensitive but I just find it a bit ignorant to comment things that like assuming the reason is because I’m single.

OP posts:
SixKeys · 01/06/2023 20:57

portugalq · 01/06/2023 20:51

I’m surprised at the number of people who don’t like cooking just for themselves. Do you not appreciate the chance to have a glass of something, stick music/a podcast on and cook dinner EXACTLY how you like it - spicier, creamier, more garlicky, whatever. Then all the food is just for you and if there are leftovers it’s like a kind person made you food earlier - and that kind person was you. It was the favourite part of my day when I lived alone.

I'm like this but I think this probably only applies to people who love cooking. My mum hates cooking for herself but loves throwing a dinner party.

Workawayxx · 01/06/2023 20:59

Missing the point but I love cooking just for myself! Otherwise I end up making stuff I know the others will like/can be served up at the right time etc. When cooking just for me I make it how I like it and not worry about timing etc so much.

I think you should have just said “no, I just don’t like cooking whether for 1 or 2 or 22 🤷🏻‍♀️” . Does she mention you being single a lot and has sensitised you to it a bit?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/06/2023 21:00

portugalq · 01/06/2023 20:51

I’m surprised at the number of people who don’t like cooking just for themselves. Do you not appreciate the chance to have a glass of something, stick music/a podcast on and cook dinner EXACTLY how you like it - spicier, creamier, more garlicky, whatever. Then all the food is just for you and if there are leftovers it’s like a kind person made you food earlier - and that kind person was you. It was the favourite part of my day when I lived alone.

What a lovely take on it! I agree and always say, Life's too short for a bad meal. 🥂

CharlottenBurger · 01/06/2023 21:02

When I was single, I found 'cooking for one' a lot of fun. I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted it. I can see that remark coming across as patronising.

Ponoka7 · 01/06/2023 21:03

Stupid comment since many people batch cook/freeze. As said, you don't have to compromise. I cook for one, because me and my partner eat different things. I do at least two portions at a time.

Podgedodge · 01/06/2023 21:15

Cooking for one can be fun, you can eat what you want.
When you are single, cooking for one is just cooking. It’s different from saying you can’t be bothered when DP or DCs are not there, so you just have… or treat yourself with… Everyday you have to plan menus and shop like everyone else because it’s not a one-off.
I doubt colleague meant any harm OP, but some people find it hard to think outside their own experience and I’m sure they thought they were being empathetic. Try not to rethink it too much.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 01/06/2023 21:17

portugalq · 01/06/2023 20:51

I’m surprised at the number of people who don’t like cooking just for themselves. Do you not appreciate the chance to have a glass of something, stick music/a podcast on and cook dinner EXACTLY how you like it - spicier, creamier, more garlicky, whatever. Then all the food is just for you and if there are leftovers it’s like a kind person made you food earlier - and that kind person was you. It was the favourite part of my day when I lived alone.

This is how I cook every night for the family! Always accompanied by a G&T and a podcast or show on my phone.

If I’m cooking, I cook it the way I like it! The only thing I might dampen is the chilli, but chilli flakes are a standing condiment alongside salt and paper on our table every night anyway, so I just up the spice ante then.

If people want food cooked they way they like, they’re welcome to cook.

So, no, cooking for one doesn’t really hold any special appeal.

thespy · 01/06/2023 21:28

No - of course not, that's not what I meant. I meant maybe she didn't understand that you don't like cooking and was saying what she said in an attempt to be empathetic not in an attempt to say you are worthless because you are single.

Also - who said anything about not eating? I thought we were talking about cooking and that you don't like it?!?! You could eat in a restaurant every night or eat a ready meal every night. You don't have to like cooking.

Grumpy67i8 · 01/06/2023 21:37

She was trying to relate and empathise. I'm in a long term relationship too and yet I do have to sometimes cook dinner just for me and it's not as good as when you get to share it etc. Don't be so offended.

Room102 · 01/06/2023 23:36

How nice. Should single people just starve then?

This is a very odd reaction OP. I am not sure why you have got so riled up by such an innocent comment. Do you have issues about being single and you are projecting?

Or maybe because you don't like cooking anyway you just don't really get what she means? People who like cooking like to spend time and effort making things and experimenting with new ideas and part of the enjoyment of it is other people enjoying what you've created. Single people do not have a choice between starving or making an effort with cooking interesting dishes. If eating alone people generally eat simple and quick to prepare food, rather than opting to starve to death. Confused

I've lived alone, lived with friends and lived with boyfriends/ husband and now live with two fussy kids as a lone parent. Cooking was only really enjoyable when there were people around who appreciated food and wanted to eat it! I still love to cook for friends but don't enjoy cooking for the kids so much with a few exceptions of decent dishes they like (hoping this changes when they're older). It has nothing to do with whether you are single, it's about the pleasure of cooking being to enjoy the results of those efforts with other people, whoever they are.

SarahAndQuack · 01/06/2023 23:59

I quite like cooking for just myself, but I can't see why anyone would be offended by the response in the OP. Now, if the OP had said she loved cooking at someone replied 'no, cooking for one is boring,' then that would sound rude. Not if they politely agreed.

BreviloquentBastard · 02/06/2023 00:08

sahayaway · 01/06/2023 20:01

How nice. Should single people just starve then?

Show quote history

But... You're literally the one who said you don't like to cook? She was agreeing with you?

Can't imagine why you're single 🙄

Coolhwip · 02/06/2023 00:55

YANBU, I love cooking just for myself. She was a twat.

Coolhwip · 02/06/2023 00:57

BreviloquentBastard · 02/06/2023 00:08

But... You're literally the one who said you don't like to cook? She was agreeing with you?

Can't imagine why you're single 🙄

Show quote history

To be fair, telling a single person that you don’t think think it’s worth cooking for one is shitty.

SemperIdem · 02/06/2023 01:00

You’re being massively oversensitive

ilovesooty · 02/06/2023 01:08

I'm single and unless she's habitually unpleasant I don't think I'd have read too much into it.

blueigloo · 02/06/2023 01:09

As a pattern of behaviour, it could be a dig. As a one-off, it could be unintentionally causing you offence. People that live alone have visitors including potential dates anyway so you could have just said you have people over. I live alone but my boyfriend and friends are always over. They prefer coming to mine as some still live with family so can properly unwind here.

anyone who likes to cook can imagine it can be a faff when you live alone. ingredients go out of date quickly, you can’t have lots of fresh produce in for different recipes as you might not get through it all before it expires. It’s not like her comment doesn’t have a bit of merit.

ultimately her comment isn’t a reflection of you’re entire being so you don’t have to get it define you or make you feel down

WouldYouLikeACrabPuff · 02/06/2023 02:32

I have a household of 7. I fucking hate cooking for 7 and I fucking hate cooking for 1 aswell. If I ever get to cook something just for me i get a ready meal or have snacks. But that's like a treat to me.

are you thinking she's assuming you never have people over or cook for others, ever? Cooking full stop is a pain, but her husband and her could easily not eat dinner together every night. I don't think she meant anything by it.

Topseyt123 · 02/06/2023 02:50

sahayaway · 01/06/2023 20:01

How nice. Should single people just starve then?

Show quote history

What an utterly bizarre response, and a big stretch of the imagination too because nobody has said that.

You are being oversensitive, and determined to find offence where few others would.

EmeraldFox · 02/06/2023 02:55

I love cooking for one, I have to do it half as often so can just cook at the weekend and enjoy it, not after work! Or even when DS was a toddler the food would last so much longer. It's demotivating when you know it will be gone in no time with a teen.

JandalsAlways · 02/06/2023 02:56

You're being overly sensitive, it is annoying cooking for one. Just like it's annoying if you have fussy kids and you have to cook separate meals.

JandalsAlways · 02/06/2023 02:57

EmeraldFox · 02/06/2023 02:55

I love cooking for one, I have to do it half as often so can just cook at the weekend and enjoy it, not after work! Or even when DS was a toddler the food would last so much longer. It's demotivating when you know it will be gone in no time with a teen.

Worse with a toddler who throws it on the floor!! 😑

Catsmere · 02/06/2023 03:38

I’d be annoyed too, but my response would be “Nothing to do with numbers, I don’t like cooking at all.”

BaiesRosesAmbre · 02/06/2023 03:49

I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it at all.

PonyPals · 02/06/2023 03:58

Wow people do get offended at anything these days