Gutted I was accused of shoplifting today

[anyoneanyoneanyone]

So I went to Aldi to look for sone antihistamines for my hayfever. I couldn't find them and I was in a rush to get my daughter from her friends. I couldn't get out as I have quite a big pushchair with my toddler in. The queues were so big the only way I could get out was through the entrance. As I was wandering out in my own world a staff member ran out and said excuse me love can I check under your pram? And she did and said it was fine but I sobbed all the way home. I'm a single mum and have been since my daughter was born and life is a struggle. I feel violated and judged and despairing really that they see me like that just because I look young and have a pram. I worked in retail before I had DD so know what it's like but what the hell could I take from Aldi 😳I only went in for sone hayfever wipes ☹️

In tesco using the scan and go. I was selected for a basket check and the tub of floria wasn't scanned/didn't scan. Felt so embarrassed and ashamed when she re scanned everything. Felt like she really judged me and didn't believe it was a genuine mistake 😕

They tend to check everyone at the tills. I always make a big show of turning my bags upside down before putting them in the trolley because I’ve seen the checkout person looking.

but I sobbed all the way home.

This is a massive overreaction to what happened if you really did sob rather than feel a bit put out by it. Speak to your GP if you did.

I understand exactly how you feel. I had a security guy yell at me to stop as I’d left the exit of a supermarket (Tesco I think) and to show him my bags. I hadn’t taken anything and had my receipt. I’ve no idea why he thought I had shoplifted (I’ve never done anything illegal in my life). I just got a mumbled apology but I felt very upset and humiliated by it. Try not to dwell on it too much, you hadn’t done anything wrong.

I went for a mooch around my local branch of The Range, didn't buy anything and did that whole "excuse me , can I squeeze past ? " thing at the tills. The other shoppers let me through. I got to the door and set the alarm off. I hadn't bought anything. They went through my handbag and the cotton shopping bag I use to carry stuff including a library book for work . Apparently the security labels that libraries use inside books set them off!

OP why are you fixated on "doing everything right"?

Strikes me your reaction to this incident is a symptom of a larger issue, not the incident itself.

What's up?

I knew before I opened the thread you were shopping with a pram. I've only ever been followed about in shops when my DCs were in the pram/buggy and it made me feel rubbish too. Funnily enough DH was never followed when he had the pram, nor was I followed when I was with him 🤔. I stopped shopping in boots completely as it happened nearly every time I went in, I saved a fortune buying baby essentials elsewhere! Vote with your feet if it becomes a regular thing.

Meat. Nappies. Cheese. Alcohol. Cosmetics. Toys. Anything not nailed down.

She was nice, everything was fine - but your reaction makes me ask are you OK generally?

Still got my boat. My inlaws have a pool. It even has paddles

This makes me think about the time I was working an internship in London and got the train back to my parents to visit. Had f all money, boss was horrible. I booked a ticket with my young person rail card but must have has the card in another bag or something because it wasn’t on my person when the ticket was checked, I got a fine I couldn’t afford (rightly so as I was in the wrong) but I couldn’t help crying on the train. I was so embarrassed and was feeling rubbish about myself all week after being berated by my boss. And then I felt even more embarrassed for crying. I felt like everyone in the carriage must have thought I was trying to steal a cheap ticket which was mortifying. I’ve managed to grow a thicker skin now thank goodness.

I think it’s just the feeling of being an adult and being seen to be doing something wrong, in my case by complete accident and in your case having not done anything wrong at all, it’s the feeling of being told off when you’re just going about your business. Some people, like us I assume are just a bit more sensitive to these things and being a young mum I’m assuming you’ve got a lot going on!

Be extra nice to yourself this evening and write it off to be one of those annoying life things. Also, side note, local honey is meant to be good for hay fever ;)

Waitrose does checks on shoppers using the self-check out handsets to make sure that they have scanned everything in their trolley. (It comes up now and then as you try to check out.)

They take all the items out of your trolley and re-scan against the handset (or sometimes now they just check a few items.)

I wouldn't worry.

My eldest (now 18) used to swipe items as a young toddler and put them under the pushchair. Before I started checking before leaving shops he had nicked a value shower gel from Tescos and a pair of socks from Next...

The amount of times I've followed some dodgy looking bloke round the store, only to discover that it was a store detective. 😂

Jeez don't think anything of it! I've been stopped leaving a shop as the buzzer goes off. It's always been fine - a check out person didn't remove a tag or whatever. Sure not pleasant standing there as the security guard goes through my shopping as everyone passes by on their way out and in, but I bet it's happened to everyone at one time or another.

And you weren't 'accused of shoplifting', just a random check!

Firstly you weren't "accused" of shoplifting OP, they only checked your pram but didn't accuse you - don't exaggerate and relax.

A family member works in Aldi and apparently they have a horrendous time with shoplifters, often people don’t even try to hide it just walk out with a basket full of shopping. I’d imagine they’re told by management to keep a close eye on anyone who doesn’t leave via a till so please try not to feel like they’ve judged your appearance.
Also it’s the staff that are sent to chase after the shoplifters, they don’t have security guards. Baffling considering how big an issue it is.

The problem with the discount retailers is they think everyone is a shoplifter.

Fair enough, if it was inside the shop as a routine random check at the door, then I wouldnt bother me. But following you in the car parkseems excessive. I would avoid that particular shop again if it made you feel uncomfortable.

Some idiot security guard at tesco once followed me out onto a car park and asked if I had paid for the bananas in my hand 🤣😂. Told him to go and check his cameras and tell the police if he wants and walked off. Haven't bought anything in a tesco for 15 years since.

Your post reminds me I once went into a shop and beeped loudly. It had been happening a lot so I asked the security guy why. He went through my bag, found my makeup bag and discovered about four items with security stickers on them. I had no idea that's what they were so I hadn't removed them. I just thought they were thick barcodes. I told him I'd bought the items and he just raised his eyebrows at me. I was so embarrassed because he clearly assumed I'd just sneaked them out of another store,. He carefully peeled them all off and it took him ages. I just stood there, cringing.

it is almost definitely the fact that you went out the entrance, which 99% of people wouldn't be doing.

possibly also the fact that you have a pram (nothing to do with any judgement just obvious that it's much easier to hide something in a pram than someone walking out with no bag and hands free), it could have been absolutely anyone actually pushing the pram

very unlikely to be anything to do with your age or appearance - a) all sorts of people shoplift and b) it's aldi, most people in there aren't exactly dressed up to the nines (not being snobby, it's my most used supermarket, just saying that it's not as if you were in waitrose on a tuesday morning and were one of the only people under 60 in there so feel you were targetted for standing out, it's likely there are loads of young people with kids there)

Aww OP, you are obviously quite sensitive right now.
Honestly don't be embarrassed, it happens to all of us. I got stopped in Aldi recently for pushing my trolley through checkout and not noticing that there was a 39p packet of knitting needles in it. The checkout operator was delighted that she had found a "thief" and I had to explain myself to a supervisor. I don't know how the needles got into that trolley, I most certainly didn't put them in. 😂
In some ways I feel sorry for the staff, there was an incident near my home a while back where a young supermarket worker had a knife pulled on him for stopping a shop lifter.

Yabu, you went out the entrance so probably looked suspicious they were just doing their job.