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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Your kid is really annoying us” - soft play rant

262 replies

HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 15:05

Took my DC (4,2 & 20m) to soft play today.

I go in with my children and supervise. Oldest goes off and plays for a little bit in the “bigger” area but is within eyesight/earshot.
Comes into the baby area (designated 0-4 years) to play with his siblings.

a group of about 7 slightly older children come and play in the baby area… would say they ranged from about 5/6 to 9ish.

they are playing roughly - climbing on things they shouldn’t, throwing things around. All while their parents (5 of them) are on a table the other end of the room, chatting and eating a picnic, completely ignoring their kids. The only babies in the baby area are mine so just keep them away and kind of hope their parents will see in a second and address it.

My oldest is going to school in September so I’m trying not to smother… they want to play with these older children so I hover within earshot and tell DC not to do xyz. DC asks “can I play with you” and one of the older children happy and being quite sweet telling DC what game they are playing.

DC being quite chatty telling older child what they like doing - other children start saying “get lost/you’re so annoying/shut up/why are you here” and mocking my DC copying what they say etc..

in the end one of the girls in the group marches right up to me and says “you’re kid is really annoying us” right in front of DC. I was shocked and just said that this was the baby area and they can always play in the bit for older children if they don’t want to be near little ones

Now, with DC going to a big school in September I have been trying to explain that not everyone will want to play with you all the time… but at the same time, I think their parents should have at least had an eye/ear on them!? If I heard my child saying that I would have had a word with them

In the end my DC was so upset they just asked to leave so we did.

would love some thoughts, my DC honestly can be quite annoying but on this occasion I really don’t think they deserved to be spoken to like that. I do also appreciate that many older children won’t want to play with younger ones and would never force it

but I appreciate it’s something they might experience more at school. DC gets on fine at nursery and has some really good friendships

thoughts on how to discuss this with them? They are nearly 5 and quite good at understanding things so not worried about having a bit of a serious conversation

also WHY tf do people just ignore their kids at soft play? Does my head in

OP posts:
ThomasinaLivesHere · 29/05/2023 17:37

Some parents even when they hear are so clueless. At the last softplay I was at a grandmother counted down her older grandchildren so they could race through the baby/toddler area which had a number of babies and toddlers in it.

Tandora · 29/05/2023 17:42

SophieinParis · 29/05/2023 15:58

I’d have called them out on it! I’d have said “what a spiteful thing to say, what on earth is the matter with you? You’re too old for soft play, and certainly too old for this bit. You should be embarrassed”. Then I’d have spoken to the parents. I have no qualms about telling other peoples children off in order to defend my own.
Something similar happened once, a couple of 9 year olds were loudly complaining my little 3yo was too slow in a tunnel. I basically said the above, and they got out the soft play looking actually quite ashamed.

There is no reason for soft play to be “lord of the flies”. Just raise your children to be kind polite people ffs. And always
be nice to younger ones.

im not sure shaming them for being in the soft play is the way to go! Lord above, they are also young children. No need to be so mean and heavy handed. A simple ‘that was rude / unkind, and this area is for babies, why don’t you play somewhere else’, would be perfectly sufficient.

MrsCarson · 29/05/2023 17:47

I have ended up saying something quietly to the offending children in the past, not just in soft play either. They are quite shocked when an adult tells them that they are not nice/being horrible/nasty and their parents are ignoring them. It usually results in them slinking off to be near their parent or going to play on age appropriate toys. I told one of my boys loudly that some kids are very rude and not worth playing with, one time when they were making fun of him on a climbing frame. Kids just looked horrified, parents heard and looked blank.

Wildflowersinthemeadow · 29/05/2023 17:53

The thing is that I really don’t want to defend behaviour that is unkind and cruel, and the children were. However, it is extremely difficult to find a ‘soft’ way of expressing to someone that they have outstayed their welcome, so to speak. If you think of the threads on here where hints have gone ignored and people end up being a bit blunter than they might like - or putting up with it and being accused of being a doormat.

The children should not have been in the baby area but it’s made harder by the fact it was a big group, no one child wants to be the one to say ‘we should not be here’ and that’s why ideally an adult should nicely shoo them out.

To be honest, while the little girl was rude, her way was preferable than name calling and being unkind. It was direct, certainly, but kids don’t always have the social skills to say ‘excuse me we would rather play alone.’ And if the name calling and meanness had gone unremarked on, it gives a certain amount of courage and confidence.

Children don’t always get it right. It does make me smile wryly when MNetters insist not their child, no. They don’t have to supervise them because that’s bad for children’s development but they just KNOW they wouldn’t be rude to an adult or break rules. Except these children belong to someone!

Fandabedodgy · 29/05/2023 17:53

I would have told the older kids to move away from the younger kids area.

It's what you have to do when your kids are little.

In a few years you will get to sit and relax and enjoy your coffee and cake

BungleandGeorge · 29/05/2023 17:53

Soft play is feral

yes their parents should have been watching more but why did you allow your child to remain with them when he was annoying them, until eventually one of them approached you? And was your child also above the age limit for the area?

SophieinParis · 29/05/2023 17:56

Magazinenotliving · 29/05/2023 17:09

But you were not kind or polite in the response you gave in your anecdote. You were actually spiteful and quite bullying in tone, using the fact that you are bigger and ‘untouchable’ as the adult to be calculatedly hurtful and cutting in your words. A child saying someone is too slow in the tunnel is not deliberately intending to emotionally wound the slower child, they are merely being descriptive, and , as children, are developmentally and empathetically less able to understand their words might hurt another and are, appropriately for their age, focused on the impact of another’s behaviour on themselves.

A kind and polite response would have been to calmly point out this is an area for the littler children and little children are slower. That’s a response a child can listen to and learn from. That’s a sentence a child can develop empathy from.

All you did is model that it’s ok to be shame and be mean to someone you are pissed at, especially if you are bigger than them.

Show quote history

Im not sure if you know any nine year olds. Maybe you have younger children. But I have had two of them. And I’ve taught them at school. They are pretty savvy. They are 💯aware of the effect their words have on other people. And they are 💯aware that loudly describing and commenting negatively on other children’s performance is rude and unkind. If for example, all the children were reading out loud at school they would be in a lot of trouble if they commented “x is really slow at reading” or “y can’t read that many words”. Because they know fine well that would be rude and hurtful. Not one adult would believe that they were merely being “descriptive” because they don’t know any better. Telling them this is an area for little children and little children are slower is patronising and basically like telling them the sky is blue.

As for modelling behaviour, actually, I was merely telling them off. I wasn’t personally attacking them. If my 9 year old was mucking around in a soft play and commenting that toddlers were being too slow, I would be so embarrassed for her. In fact the only time my 9 year old would be seen dead in a soft play would be to look
after her 2 younger siblings, and to help them out. Children of that age should learn some self awareness and realise that their role as an older child is to help.

KarmaStar · 29/05/2023 17:57

Yanbu at all and the 18% who say yabu are probably of the same mentality of the lazy gossiping parents from the play centre....

EllaPaella · 29/05/2023 17:59

The kids are nasty and spiteful because they are attention seeking, probably because they are ignored by their parents for most of their day.

Banjojo · 29/05/2023 18:02

YANBU. Those kids had no business being in the baby area - and no right to be so horrible to your DC. Their parents should have been keeping an eye on them instead of letting them run wild. Why the heck did they want to play in the baby area when it’s not for them? That area is there to keep younger kids safe from bigger rough-and-tumble kids. It’s very sad that your child was upset by these selfish entitled brats spoiling an area set aside for younger children.

VOnMyNose · 29/05/2023 18:05

Feckless parents with feckless children. Don't worry, they won't amount to much and your dc will out earn them when he's big. They'll become nuisance teens and then useless gobby adults who don't contribute to society.

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 18:08

Fuck me.

Character assignation of a small child because she spoke her mind
🤣

SingleMumStruggling · 29/05/2023 18:09

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 15:42

The whole point of softplay is to ignore your kids

Independent play and being able to navigate social situations without parental supervision is essential

Above toddler age I never supervised mine.

They weren't allowed in the baby bit though and weren't rude or cheeky to adults

The whole point of softplay is to ignore your kids.

Shite parenting. Mine is a 13 months and the amount of times I've had to fend off older kids from hurting her and other little ones at soft play is unreal. Watch your kids.

Hubblebubble · 29/05/2023 18:09

It's so annoying when older children rampage through the babies and toddlers area. Sometimes it goes the other way though. My toddler was merrily throwing balls in the ball pit and the mother of an older child (6 or 7) came up to me saying her son was scared of mine because he'd been throwing balls. I remember thinking, well if he's scared of toddlers being toddlers he shouldn't be in the toddler zone! (And what a wet towel).

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/05/2023 18:10

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 18:08

Fuck me.

Character assignation of a small child because she spoke her mind
🤣

I was going to say.

If anything, I'd expect her to go far in life with her confidence and assertiveness.

and you know, growing up.

Bbqshowdownusa · 29/05/2023 18:10

The kids shouldn’t of been in the baby section but your child was annoying them and she had the confidence to tell you and to stop him annoying them.

You should of told him to leave them alone.

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 18:12

@SingleMumStruggling

Why?

You're watching yours. I don't (didnt)need to watch mine

Out of interest how would you constantly supervise multiple children of difffering ages?

Skinthin · 29/05/2023 18:15

SophieinParis · 29/05/2023 17:56

Im not sure if you know any nine year olds. Maybe you have younger children. But I have had two of them. And I’ve taught them at school. They are pretty savvy. They are 💯aware of the effect their words have on other people. And they are 💯aware that loudly describing and commenting negatively on other children’s performance is rude and unkind. If for example, all the children were reading out loud at school they would be in a lot of trouble if they commented “x is really slow at reading” or “y can’t read that many words”. Because they know fine well that would be rude and hurtful. Not one adult would believe that they were merely being “descriptive” because they don’t know any better. Telling them this is an area for little children and little children are slower is patronising and basically like telling them the sky is blue.

As for modelling behaviour, actually, I was merely telling them off. I wasn’t personally attacking them. If my 9 year old was mucking around in a soft play and commenting that toddlers were being too slow, I would be so embarrassed for her. In fact the only time my 9 year old would be seen dead in a soft play would be to look
after her 2 younger siblings, and to help them out. Children of that age should learn some self awareness and realise that their role as an older child is to help.

Show quote history

If a 9 year old knows then so do you! You were verbally abusive and shaming in your words - “what is wrong with you”, “you are too old for soft play”. That’s not ok- that’s a verbal attack, designed to denigrate/ humiliate.

SingleMumStruggling · 29/05/2023 18:20

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 18:12

@SingleMumStruggling

Why?

You're watching yours. I don't (didnt)need to watch mine

Out of interest how would you constantly supervise multiple children of difffering ages?

I'm watching mine but decent parenting would be to watch your own so that they aren't hurting other children, either deliberately or inadvertently.

In reagrds to watching children of different ages - no one is saying watch them like a hawk or to follow them with your eyes every second of the soft play session. But you should be keeping an eye on them and knowing their whereabouts and that they aren't getting into bother. Not just not allowing them to run off and do whatever with no supervision whatsoever.

WonderingWanda · 29/05/2023 18:23

The other child was rude but they are young too and probably don't have the skills and diplomacy to communicate that a younger child was cramping their style. They probably seem really old compared to your dc. I think what you said about getting out of the baby area was great. I think I would have added, 'That's not very kind, you could have just said we're going to go and play our own game now'.

frockhopper · 29/05/2023 18:25

Absolutely would have gone up to the parents and asked them to remove their older children from the baby area at the time. I’d have also told them they’d upset my kid and if they started to get arsey I’d have taken it up with the staff. Parents who ignore their kids at soft play at the worst.

JudgeRudy · 29/05/2023 18:32

I think the fact that older kids were in the little ones' area is the issue here. I guess your son was annoying them. They were a bit mean to mock him but actually I think the girl that approached you probably felt she was doing the right thing. She wanted you to remove your child so he didn't annoy them further but probably also for his sake. At least she had the nerve to approach sn adult and offer a 'solution'...thing is, as you pointed out it was them that was in the wrong place.
The parents should have supervised them better.
I think though you sound like you're trying to get a good balance between looking out for your son but encouraging independence and resillience.

JMSA · 29/05/2023 18:32

Some of these 'I would have said ...' replies are absolutely batshit!

JMSA · 29/05/2023 18:33

VOnMyNose · 29/05/2023 18:05

Feckless parents with feckless children. Don't worry, they won't amount to much and your dc will out earn them when he's big. They'll become nuisance teens and then useless gobby adults who don't contribute to society.

This had better be a joke. Otherwise I worry for you.

Qazwsxefv · 29/05/2023 18:34

I’m guessing the baby area is titchy and so if a group of big kids turn up then there wouldn’t be much space for the 4yr old to play without being in their way. I bet a 4 yr old is annoying when you’re 9 but that’s why they have an area for big kids. I would have told the young lady that if the don’t want to play with preschoolers then then need needed to clear out the baby section. However if your little kid had been in the big section and following them around I would have been on the older kids side because they shouldn’t have to play with kids they don’t want.

Big kids in the baby/toddler section is unsafe but equally it’s very frustrating when some entitled parent puts their not yet walking baby on the big kids bit and get upset when they get knocked down - the whole point of soft play is to be able charge all over the place without having to worry about the usual safety constraints in the real world. The best soft plays have staff on the entrances to the separate zones and keep kids and babies separate