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Original poster

“Your kid is really annoying us” - soft play rant

262 replies

HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 15:05

Took my DC (4,2 & 20m) to soft play today.

I go in with my children and supervise. Oldest goes off and plays for a little bit in the “bigger” area but is within eyesight/earshot.
Comes into the baby area (designated 0-4 years) to play with his siblings.

a group of about 7 slightly older children come and play in the baby area… would say they ranged from about 5/6 to 9ish.

they are playing roughly - climbing on things they shouldn’t, throwing things around. All while their parents (5 of them) are on a table the other end of the room, chatting and eating a picnic, completely ignoring their kids. The only babies in the baby area are mine so just keep them away and kind of hope their parents will see in a second and address it.

My oldest is going to school in September so I’m trying not to smother… they want to play with these older children so I hover within earshot and tell DC not to do xyz. DC asks “can I play with you” and one of the older children happy and being quite sweet telling DC what game they are playing.

DC being quite chatty telling older child what they like doing - other children start saying “get lost/you’re so annoying/shut up/why are you here” and mocking my DC copying what they say etc..

in the end one of the girls in the group marches right up to me and says “you’re kid is really annoying us” right in front of DC. I was shocked and just said that this was the baby area and they can always play in the bit for older children if they don’t want to be near little ones

Now, with DC going to a big school in September I have been trying to explain that not everyone will want to play with you all the time… but at the same time, I think their parents should have at least had an eye/ear on them!? If I heard my child saying that I would have had a word with them

In the end my DC was so upset they just asked to leave so we did.

would love some thoughts, my DC honestly can be quite annoying but on this occasion I really don’t think they deserved to be spoken to like that. I do also appreciate that many older children won’t want to play with younger ones and would never force it

but I appreciate it’s something they might experience more at school. DC gets on fine at nursery and has some really good friendships

thoughts on how to discuss this with them? They are nearly 5 and quite good at understanding things so not worried about having a bit of a serious conversation

also WHY tf do people just ignore their kids at soft play? Does my head in

OP posts:
Original poster
HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 16:04

So why did you deliberately conceal it, as if knowing if your child is a boy or a girl would make a difference to the responses?

because I’m allowed to? I’m not the only person who does it

OP posts:
SophieinParis · 29/05/2023 16:05

Wildflowersinthemeadow · 29/05/2023 16:00

Sure @SophieinParis but the whole point of Lord of the Flies is that when away from adults, children can become somewhat savage. It isn’t necessarily linked to upbringing either (although it can be) but a bit of a non mentality can take over.

But they aren’t away from
adults?! Soft play isn’t an uninhabited island. The adults are literally within 20 meters of them. They don’t go “savage” at break time. Or in the garden at home
with their friends. Or at parties.

Basically most children at soft play are normal, polite children who will be fairly nice. But they are a few absolute tools who will be spiteful and rough, and I think they should be called out on that.

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 16:07

@Mummyoflittledragon

You can tell them the rules and to be careful of the 'littlies' and not supervise them

If your kid (with no additional needs) can't play nicely without being supervised by 4 then you probably shouldn't be going to soft play and have bigger problems

Telling another kid they're being annoying is hardly the end of the world

Or are we suggesting kids should always play with every other kid even if they don't want to?

Iwasafool · 29/05/2023 16:07

Does he have a friend you could take to soft play with him? If he's nervous of going but you want to be able to take the little ones it would be good if he can put this behind him and a friend going with him might help. I hope he's OK.

Tanith · 29/05/2023 16:08

HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 15:58

because my child being a boy or girl is irrelevant

Show quote history

It's confusing to read "they" for your own child when you're also talking about a group of children.
Maybe using a singular pronoun for your own child - he, she or it - would make it easier to understand.

MumblesParty · 29/05/2023 16:08

HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 16:04

So why did you deliberately conceal it, as if knowing if your child is a boy or a girl would make a difference to the responses?

because I’m allowed to? I’m not the only person who does it

OK, fair enough. But people notice it, and it can detract from the point of the thread. But obviously it’s your choice.

Anyway as I said, the only aspect of the event that would have led me to take action is the older kids in the toddler area. I used to regularly tell them to move. The nastiness is sadly par for the course at soft play. I tended to only intervene if it got physical.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/05/2023 16:09

SophieinParis · 29/05/2023 15:58

I’d have called them out on it! I’d have said “what a spiteful thing to say, what on earth is the matter with you? You’re too old for soft play, and certainly too old for this bit. You should be embarrassed”. Then I’d have spoken to the parents. I have no qualms about telling other peoples children off in order to defend my own.
Something similar happened once, a couple of 9 year olds were loudly complaining my little 3yo was too slow in a tunnel. I basically said the above, and they got out the soft play looking actually quite ashamed.

There is no reason for soft play to be “lord of the flies”. Just raise your children to be kind polite people ffs. And always
be nice to younger ones.

Is that a soft play aimed at just very young children? The ones I go to are all up to age 12.

Wildflowersinthemeadow · 29/05/2023 16:10

It’s a bit different in those environments though @SophieinParis . I think how children play in a home, even if an adult is downstairs and they are upstairs or in the garden is very different to how they might play somewhere like soft play or the street, for instance.

It isn’t something we like to talk much about as a society but childhood play can quickly become very dark without supervising adults - regardless of upbringing.

I don’t disagree with you, by the way. I do think parents should supervise but I also recognise this is hard if juggling more than one child. I know there have been times where my irritation with a child has turned to sympathy (admittedly of the exasperated sort!) when I see an already harangued mother trying to feed a baby.

PatAndMat · 29/05/2023 16:13

Think I would have told my dc the other children were doing mean and to just ignore them.
The girl walking up to you was quite brazen wasn’t she! Actually very rude ! Not sure how I would have dealt with that but probably pointed out, as you did, that the area they were in was for younger children.

Their parents should have dealt with it tbh, but so many go there for a break, a chat and take no notice of their kids.

Next time tell the management that older children shouldn’t be in the baby area. They won’t want to be sued if a baby gets hurt.

LakeTiticaca · 29/05/2023 16:24

Go to the staff and tell them.that they should monitoring who goes in the baby area, and telling those who are older to get out

gotmychristmasmiracle · 29/05/2023 16:25

My kid who is 4 likes the baby soft play and if baby's go in that area I tell her she needs to go in the big soft play area as she's too big. I probably would have asked the older children to leave if parents weren't parenting tbh.

Rightnowstraightaway · 29/05/2023 16:29

Tanith · 29/05/2023 16:08

It's confusing to read "they" for your own child when you're also talking about a group of children.
Maybe using a singular pronoun for your own child - he, she or it - would make it easier to understand.

Show quote history

Not really the point of the thread.
I use "they" for my dc too on here. Because a) their sex is usually irrelevant to my comment, and b) it's an extra layer of anonymity if anyone on here knows me or my dc irl. No one uses "it" for their child 🙄

OP - I would be angry too. I'd probably have said to dc that what the girl said was mean, and got staff to remove them from the baby area.

I was at a park the other day where a boy twice the size of my dc shoved them over and made them sob. I was furious, and no parents in sight. I shouted "Don't you shove them!" at them and glared and they ran off. Tbh I wish I'd said more but it's hard to do and say the right thing in the heat of the moment.

MummyJ36 · 29/05/2023 16:29

Children unfortunately often lack the capabilities to be anything but unbearably blunt sometimes. Coupled with the fact that being a part of a bigger group probably gave them all a bit of bravado to say whatever they liked.

I don’t agree with what the child said, it’s very hurtful, but it does happen sometimes and one day your DC may say something similar to another child (not based on their good/bad behaviour just because it’s something kids do).

As a parent I know it’s heartbreaking to hear your child being ostracised from a group. It’s the last thing you want for them and it cuts to the core but just remember children are resilient and they will shake things like this off much quicker than any adult can. At that age they’re learning how to socialise and sometimes they get it right, sometimes wrong, sometimes they get their feelings hurt and sometimes they hurt other kids feelings. Just give lots of reassurance, remind them of all the people who do love playing with them and try to move on ❤️

Polari · 29/05/2023 16:31

If a child said that to me I would have glared at them really hard.
Thry can’t say you’ve been mean but they know that you really want to be.

Cornchip · 29/05/2023 16:31

This is exactly why I don’t take the kids to soft play anymore unless both me and DP are there (so can supervise one child each) and we go at quieter times. Our children are younger than 4.

So many shit parents letting their little brats wreck the place while they’re glued to their phones. 9 year olds in the baby area throwing shit around while literal babies are getting to grips with crawling.

It’s absolute chaos. You can’t let your children explore because they’ll be wiped out by children running amok. So you have to helicopter over them which completely ruins the purpose of going in the first place.

We once made the mistake of going at 2pm on a Saturday once. Probably lasted 20 mins before we packed up and left. Wasn’t worth the stress or risk of someone getting injured.

Newuserusee · 29/05/2023 16:34

FairAcre · 29/05/2023 15:37

You should have said ‘well I find you very annoying.’

I would have said this and told them to get out of the baby bit because they’re too old and horrible to be in there!!

ASimpleLampoon · 29/05/2023 16:36

I'd have found A member of staff and explained about the bullying. Most soft play at my area don't allow over 5s in baby area

Saniflo · 29/05/2023 16:38

Not everyone is a helicopter parent.

Didiplanthis · 29/05/2023 16:40

My usually very shy autistic DS is a stickler for the rules... when he was 4 some kids maybe 10 ish were playing in the under 5 soft play and pushed him, he marched over and said very loudly 'this sign says this is for little people, I am a little person.... you are not... GO AWAY' it was remarkably effective !

3AndStopping · 29/05/2023 16:46

I just tell mine that some people are just not kind, and maybe they’re really angry/sad and that’s why they’re acting like that. ‘You know when you feel sad or angry about something sometimes you can say things you don’t mean?’ But it has nothing to do with who you are, or what you’re doing. Just ignore them. But yes the parents are dicks.

Magazinenotliving · 29/05/2023 16:57

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 15:42

The whole point of softplay is to ignore your kids

Independent play and being able to navigate social situations without parental supervision is essential

Above toddler age I never supervised mine.

They weren't allowed in the baby bit though and weren't rude or cheeky to adults

Absolutely this. It be whole point of soft play is that it’s safe and you can let your kids do their thing without risk of being hurt meaning parents don’t have to supervise them. That’s literally the only benefit of soft play.

I also agree that kids need to learn to navigate social interactions without adults. That’s what kids used to do until recently, it’s a very recent cultural trend that parent need to constantly be ‘keeping an ear or eye’ on their kids. And it actually stifles kids from being able to develop resilience and develop their own social skills.

And those kids weren’t being mean. They just didn’t want to play with your kid. That’s ok. They didn’t hit him, or call him names. They brought the issue to you as an adult to handle on their behalf, as they didn’t know how to deal with it without being mean. They were kids and probably not really aware they were not allowed in the baby area.

You gave them the correct response.

Museya15 · 29/05/2023 16:58

Even though your child might be annoying, the kid that said this has one fucking brass neck on it!

Bunbuns3 · 29/05/2023 17:02

Unfortunately soft play does attract your rougher lower class types. You just need to be grateful your not one of them, even though it is pretty unpleasant at the time.

defineme · 29/05/2023 17:02

DemonicCaveMaggot · 29/05/2023 15:27

YANBU. If the older children were so annoyed by your DC then the solution was for them to go back into the older children's section where your DC wasn't allowed to go. They want to play in the young child section, guess what? they have to deal with young children, which I would have told them in polite yet terse terms.

The problem is that children get to an age where they can play safely on their own, but they aren't old enough to always play nicely on their own.

I remember a bunch of 9-10 year olds running around a movie theatre during the film, standing in the middle of an aisle and talking loudly. When 'Where are your parents?' just got me blank looks I firmly told them 'Either you sit down and be quiet or I will get someone to remove you'. They did sit down too. Perfectly nice children, just didn't realize that rules when their parents are around apply when their parents aren't around.

This puts it perfectly. I would always point out politely but firmly to a child when they're being inappropriate and explain to my dc that it wasn't their fault. I would also remind them of all the lovely times they've had at soft play, shame to let o e incident stop you returning.

NewPinkJacket · 29/05/2023 17:03

OP, honestly that's a hell of a lot of typing about something mildly annoying.

"Your kid is really annoying us".

"Well he's young enough to be here but you're not, so off you go".

The end. Honestly, how can you teach your child not to be bothered about mean kids when you're this bothered yourself as an adult??