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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ask you to help with these bitchy comments?

94 replies

eyesoftheocean · 29/05/2023 10:30

It’s a friend of a friend and I’ve been out for dinner with her twice - with my friend.

The first time it was a set menu and she laughed at my food when it arrived (you had to preorder) and said “oh my god is that what you ordered”

The other time we just ordered a small snack whilst having a drink and I had nachos and she said “so you just ordered crisps and you’re only eating the sour cream” - when I was eating all the dips. For reference all she had were chips.

It’s frankly bizarre how much she focuses on what I eat. I’m out for lunch later and I know something will be said.

OP posts:
ZaZathecat · 29/05/2023 10:36

"Why are you so concerned about what I'm eating?" Would be my response

Evaka · 29/05/2023 10:38

I'd just very calmly lock eyes, and ask with faux concern "You OK love? You seem a bit obsessed with what I eat."

Is she one of those assholes whose always gangs up on one in a group of three? If yes I'd make today the last outing, if you're arsed going at all.

BrutusMcDogface · 29/05/2023 10:38

Is she fat and you thin? Or the other way round? She sounds like she has a really unhealthy relationship with food for it to even register/comment on what you’re eating (other than to ask if you’re enjoying what you ordered).

HouseIsOnFire · 29/05/2023 10:38

Just play the why game and make her explain herself, but channel your inner toddler and do not give up!

I.e on the nachos when she said that "why is that odd?" then whatever the response "why is that/why do you say that/why"

It's been very effective for me, I find I only get to play it once or twice with someone until they get the gist 😅

JupiterFortified · 29/05/2023 10:39

she sounds a total bore. Is there any reason she could be jealous of you OP?

I would say “why are you so obsessed with what I’m eating”?

Saucemonkey · 29/05/2023 10:39

Call it out! “You are way too invested in my food, that is so weird”

JupiterFortified · 29/05/2023 10:40

Evaka · 29/05/2023 10:38

I'd just very calmly lock eyes, and ask with faux concern "You OK love? You seem a bit obsessed with what I eat."

Is she one of those assholes whose always gangs up on one in a group of three? If yes I'd make today the last outing, if you're arsed going at all.

This is so true about groups of three!

Chamomileteaplease · 29/05/2023 10:41

Love the why response. Very effective.

Is there a reason why you can't just meet up with the nice friend?!

Delatron · 29/05/2023 10:42

Yeah groups of 3 can be funny. Sounds like she has issues about food and is taking it out on you - singling you out in the group.

What did you say? I would just say ‘how weird that you’re always obsessed with what I am eating. Is there something wrong?’

AP5Diva · 29/05/2023 10:42

Were these the first meetings with friend of a friend? If so, she may be socially awkward and laugh as a defence mechanism. Perhaps suggest to friend that you all do something that is less pressure than going out to eat. Some activity that will have things to comment on, something to discuss.

EvilElsa · 29/05/2023 10:45

Well, an easy solve would be to just never go out with her. She's not your friend, she's your friends friend. Just meet your actual friend alone.

Original poster
eyesoftheocean · 29/05/2023 10:46

Answer some of the questions .. she’s not thin and I think she’s a little self conscious about it but I am definitely bigger.

I don’t have a great relationship with food, certain textures and smells make it difficult but I’ve never let it stop me from eating out. To have attention brought to it constantly makes me feel anxious.

OP posts:
BillyNoM8s · 29/05/2023 10:48

AP5Diva · 29/05/2023 10:42

Were these the first meetings with friend of a friend? If so, she may be socially awkward and laugh as a defence mechanism. Perhaps suggest to friend that you all do something that is less pressure than going out to eat. Some activity that will have things to comment on, something to discuss.

I wouldn't want to hang around with someone who thought eating was a high pressure activity Confused

Call her out on it. Whatever her reasons, she should know her rudeness has been noted.

I get the same bollocks when I order vegetarian food. Oh, are you vegetarian? Is it for ethical or health reasons? It's none of your business, that's what it is. I don't question other people on why they eat what they eat - leave me alone.

towriteyoumustlive · 29/05/2023 10:53

I think I'd just respond with "yes, that's what people do in restaurants - they order and eat food they like... Would you like some?"

MintyCedric · 29/05/2023 10:54

eyesoftheocean · 29/05/2023 10:46

Answer some of the questions .. she’s not thin and I think she’s a little self conscious about it but I am definitely bigger.

I don’t have a great relationship with food, certain textures and smells make it difficult but I’ve never let it stop me from eating out. To have attention brought to it constantly makes me feel anxious.

Does she know about your anxiety around certain foods?

First thing that sprung to my mind if so is that she’s purposely winding you up so you’ll drop out of these lunch dates and she’ll get your mural friend to herself.

Which would make me very determined not to, but I’m a bitch like that 😄

TeaParty4Me · 29/05/2023 10:59

she said “so you just ordered crisps and you’re only eating the sour cream” - when I was eating all the dips.

Were you actually eating just the dips or the nachos too?

If you were just eating the dip then I would have commented too.

In my friendship group we do often comment on what people are eating.
My friend had a side order of picked onion and I said something like eww how can you eat that. And someone else said similar about my lasagna.
None of us take offence as it’s not done in a bitchy way and I’m wondering if it’s the same with your friend.

If you do take offence then perhaps just tell her to mind her business and concentrate on her own food in a jokey way.

Hottoffeesauce · 29/05/2023 11:07

What does the mutual friend say/do when her friend is rude like this to you? Is there the possibility that the mutual friend has mentioned your picky eating to her friend and her friend is then using this to have a 'secret laugh' with the mutual friend? I would either only see your friend alone (without the bitchy one tagging along) or if the bitchy one says anything then just give her a silent stare and then dismiss her comment by moving on. Treat her with contempt.

Shinyandnew1 · 29/05/2023 11:11

The first time it was a set menu and she laughed at my food when it arrived (you had to preorder) and said “oh my god is that what you ordered”

Bizarre. What had you ordered?

TeaYarn · 29/05/2023 11:14

I’ve been in almost the same situation. The first time you should have told her to fuck off. When your friend suggested inviting her along for the 2nd meal you should have told your friend to fuck off.

BrutusMcDogface · 29/05/2023 11:15

TeaParty4Me · 29/05/2023 10:59

she said “so you just ordered crisps and you’re only eating the sour cream” - when I was eating all the dips.

Were you actually eating just the dips or the nachos too?

If you were just eating the dip then I would have commented too.

In my friendship group we do often comment on what people are eating.
My friend had a side order of picked onion and I said something like eww how can you eat that. And someone else said similar about my lasagna.
None of us take offence as it’s not done in a bitchy way and I’m wondering if it’s the same with your friend.

If you do take offence then perhaps just tell her to mind her business and concentrate on her own food in a jokey way.

I’m glad I’m not your friend.

BrutusMcDogface · 29/05/2023 11:15

TeaYarn · 29/05/2023 11:14

I’ve been in almost the same situation. The first time you should have told her to fuck off. When your friend suggested inviting her along for the 2nd meal you should have told your friend to fuck off.

😂 👏

chaosmaker · 29/05/2023 11:17

@eyesoftheocean I would tell my friend that I don't want to go out with them if she's there. You don't have to be around her. Either that or just laugh at her every time she comments. Or say why? Honestly I'd probably just tell her to shut up but then I'm known for not putting up with pointlessness.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 29/05/2023 11:19

Start calling her mam..
Tell her she reminds you of your dm when she used to nag you about food.. Even if your dm never did!
Use mam a lot in your conversations with her..

BronwenFrideswide · 29/05/2023 11:21

Be direct and ask her why she feels the need to comment on your food/food choices and tell her you'd appreciate it if she kept her comments to herself.

BronwenFrideswide · 29/05/2023 11:22

And do it at the start of the lunch, before you order.