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Original poster

Ask you to help with these bitchy comments?

94 replies

eyesoftheocean · 29/05/2023 10:30

It’s a friend of a friend and I’ve been out for dinner with her twice - with my friend.

The first time it was a set menu and she laughed at my food when it arrived (you had to preorder) and said “oh my god is that what you ordered”

The other time we just ordered a small snack whilst having a drink and I had nachos and she said “so you just ordered crisps and you’re only eating the sour cream” - when I was eating all the dips. For reference all she had were chips.

It’s frankly bizarre how much she focuses on what I eat. I’m out for lunch later and I know something will be said.

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 29/05/2023 11:22

I have to eat lunch once a week with someone who tried to do this. I just answered as though i ahd no idea she was trying to be rude.

'Ewww what is in the salad?'

'It's mainly roast broccoli with some beans and hummus and I'm not actually sure what this spice on top is'

'I couldn't eat something that looked so gross'

'I really enjoy pretending to be a giant while I eat broccoli. How's your meal?'

Just totally bypass the rude element. She does it far less now.

barmycatmum · 29/05/2023 11:26

My favourite answer to this kind of bs is:

why do you ask / yes, what is your point?

flip it right back on her with genuine interest in why she’s so hyper focused on every little thing you eat. Pretend you’re her therapist and smile gently.

OR laugh (depending on your relationship to her/ how you feel)

but always just flip it right back on her. “Why do you ask?”

it’s microaggressions, and she can’t hurt you with it if you feel armored and superior, and just look at her like she’s a poor little immature brat (which she is. Her behavior is extremely immature.)

forrestgreen · 29/05/2023 11:26

'Why do you insist on commenting on my food?'
Then
''You see obsessed with my food choices, do you have issues with food?'

But tbh stop going out with her

AmyDudley · 29/05/2023 11:27

I use my 'talking to a child' voice with these people 'You just concentrate on your own food, and let other people enjoy their lunch Betty'

Solongtoshort · 29/05/2023 11:31

If she comments say sorry did you want to try it, is that why you are commenting and give her a glare down (not as harsh as a stare with a smile) till she answers, hopefully she will say no and then stop commenting, l hate sharing food.

Redebs · 29/05/2023 11:32

AmyDudley · 29/05/2023 11:27

I use my 'talking to a child' voice with these people 'You just concentrate on your own food, and let other people enjoy their lunch Betty'

Oh yes, definitely this

Marchitectmummy · 29/05/2023 11:35

Just look at her with a massive smile when she does it, and say something thwt agrees with her like yes so true and keep laughing.

It's a different context but I had a mum at one of my daughters schools passing comments continually about how ridiculous it was that my daughters attended 3 different schools. What she wanted was to debate why, what school was best, had my other daughters not been offered a place blah blah. Every time she raised it I just laughed and smiled and said the same three words. She stopped, it did take a few attempts but she got the message.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 29/05/2023 11:42

I would just tell the nice friend that the nasty friend keeps sniping at you so from now on you will just be meeting up with the nice friend. The only way to win with a sniper is to turn attention onto them and what they said 'Why do you care what I eat?', 'Why do we need to know what you think of my food?' or pre-empt them 'I'm ordering this so Suzy is going to tell us how disgusting and wierd it is in 3...2....1...', but this is a socializing and it is supposed to be fun, this is not someone you have to work or volunteer with. Life is too short to spend it with wearing people.

TLDR: tell nice friend that nasty friend is annoying and you will only be eating out with nice friend going forward.

tiggerkid · 29/05/2023 11:46

“oh my god is that what you ordered”

If she says anything like that again, perhaps, respond with "Yes, I like it; what's wrong with it?" and don't say anything else until she explains herself.

FloofCloud · 29/05/2023 12:05

She sounds bizarre! What did you and she order ... not that it matters'

I'd definitely use sone answers on this thread - sone people are so rude!

TheHandmaiden · 29/05/2023 12:09

Some women are enough to make you misogynistic.

Just assume she was badly brought up - some people will comment on anything.

And find more mature dining companions. Can't imagine anything more annoying than someone acting like they are about 10 while you eat.

excelledyourself · 29/05/2023 12:21

“oh my god is that what you ordered”

Oh my god, I believe it is.

“so you just ordered crisps and you’re only eating the sour cream”

Incorrect. Your chips look fascinating, by the way.

honeylulu · 29/05/2023 12:23

I've dined with people like this and my go to response now is "who are you? The food police?" It is surprisingly effective. The most common type of repeat offenders are the super fussy eaters who can only bear the thought of bland beige food. The reaction to the stuff I order is typically eeewww/yuuuuuck/ that's disgusting/how can you eat that/I can't stand seafood etc. "It's OK I didn't order it for you" is another response I've used, with deadpan face. Mostly it's just an immature attitude issue. Though sometimes it does seem bitchy, usually if it's about the amount (I can eat quite large portions happily but am slim which seems to annoy some people) ie "I can't believe you ate all that, that's so gross". I'll cheerfully misunderstand and respond "it was delicious actually and I wasn't going to waste any if it".

2bazookas · 29/05/2023 12:25

Why do you keep going out with someone who belittles you?

But if you must; buckle on a backbone and reply

"Didn't your mother teach you its rude to talk like that?"
" Your self esteem must be really low today. "
"Fuck you, I'm leaving now".

Itcouldhappenabishop · 29/05/2023 12:26

I'm old and don't give a fuck any more so I tend to say something like, 'ok that's rude' in a surprised/annoyed tone. Usually gets a muttered, ' haha sorry'. Otherwise a 'why do you say that?' (no smile). She's being fucking rude she can take it!

Original poster
eyesoftheocean · 29/05/2023 12:36

TeaParty4Me · 29/05/2023 10:59

she said “so you just ordered crisps and you’re only eating the sour cream” - when I was eating all the dips.

Were you actually eating just the dips or the nachos too?

If you were just eating the dip then I would have commented too.

In my friendship group we do often comment on what people are eating.
My friend had a side order of picked onion and I said something like eww how can you eat that. And someone else said similar about my lasagna.
None of us take offence as it’s not done in a bitchy way and I’m wondering if it’s the same with your friend.

If you do take offence then perhaps just tell her to mind her business and concentrate on her own food in a jokey way.

No .. I was eating the chips with the sour cream. And all the other dips.

I couldn’t imagine saying something like “eww how can you eat that” because I’m an adult that doesn’t tend to focus on what others eat and can understand the concept that people like different things.

OP posts:
Littlethingsmeanalot · 29/05/2023 12:38

TeaParty4Me · 29/05/2023 10:59

she said “so you just ordered crisps and you’re only eating the sour cream” - when I was eating all the dips.

Were you actually eating just the dips or the nachos too?

If you were just eating the dip then I would have commented too.

In my friendship group we do often comment on what people are eating.
My friend had a side order of picked onion and I said something like eww how can you eat that. And someone else said similar about my lasagna.
None of us take offence as it’s not done in a bitchy way and I’m wondering if it’s the same with your friend.

If you do take offence then perhaps just tell her to mind her business and concentrate on her own food in a jokey way.

I’d also have commented if someone was doing that,

were you just eating the dips op?

Original poster
eyesoftheocean · 29/05/2023 12:38

Right, I’m off out for lunch and I’ll update when I’m back if anything was said.

OP posts:
UnctuousUnicorns · 29/05/2023 12:43

It's worrying that so many people seem not to know that the only appropriate comments to make about others' food, are along the lines of "Mmm that looks nice/good/tasty etc.", with maybe a request for the recipe if it's something homemade. Otherwise stfu and concentrate on your own food!

Thelnebriati · 29/05/2023 12:43

Why does your friend tolerate her behaviour?

excelledyourself · 29/05/2023 12:44

I took it to mean only eating one type of dip...

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 29/05/2023 12:45

She definitely has some sort of issue with either you or food. Maybe both!
Maybe she’s just very outspoken or miffed off that you are there (wants mutual friend to herself.)
She is very rude anyway. Next time have a response ready. ‘Do you a have a problem with food?’ ‘Just focus on your own meal!’ ‘Piss off’ etc

Cornettoninja · 29/05/2023 12:47

honeylulu · 29/05/2023 12:23

I've dined with people like this and my go to response now is "who are you? The food police?" It is surprisingly effective. The most common type of repeat offenders are the super fussy eaters who can only bear the thought of bland beige food. The reaction to the stuff I order is typically eeewww/yuuuuuck/ that's disgusting/how can you eat that/I can't stand seafood etc. "It's OK I didn't order it for you" is another response I've used, with deadpan face. Mostly it's just an immature attitude issue. Though sometimes it does seem bitchy, usually if it's about the amount (I can eat quite large portions happily but am slim which seems to annoy some people) ie "I can't believe you ate all that, that's so gross". I'll cheerfully misunderstand and respond "it was delicious actually and I wasn't going to waste any if it".

I think this is the way to go. I wouldn’t be inviting a further opinion by asking a question. She just needs cutting off.

Fwiw people who think that commenting negatively on others food choices is ok are twats. ‘OMG that looks horrible/shit/weird’ - who cares, it’s not in front of you so wind your neck in.

Food is like clothes, unless you’ve got a nice compliment or positive interest just keep out of it and let others enjoy things.

TeaParty4Me · 29/05/2023 12:48

eyesoftheocean · 29/05/2023 12:36

No .. I was eating the chips with the sour cream. And all the other dips.

I couldn’t imagine saying something like “eww how can you eat that” because I’m an adult that doesn’t tend to focus on what others eat and can understand the concept that people like different things.

Show quote history

I guess some friends just have different relationships to others.

I’ve never been offended when my friend tells me that I’m a grub for ordering lasagne.
I just tell her to fuck off and carry on eating her whole plate of pickled onion like the absolute weirdo she is.

But our friendship group is very close and we would never be bitchy or two faced to each other. So when we joke it is never taken as being offensive.

Cornettoninja · 29/05/2023 12:54

Good for you @TeaParty4Me, but that won’t apply to every friendship you have surely?

I have friends where offence is near impossible to cause and others which need handling more sensitively. I completely understand that there are things I would say to some that I wouldn’t to others unless I was absolutely certain it would be taken well.