I pulled out of night away - did I still have to pay my share?

[Nodinnernogift]

This is quite light-hearted but I'd love to hear others opinions. The other thread about a shared hotel room reminded me but I'm potentially the bad guy here.

It happened years ago but still feel funny when I run into this now acquaintance.

I began a new hobby and made some friends, let's call them Catherine and Melanie. Catherine was in a serious relationship, Melanie was single as was I. We stayed in touch, meeting up for the occasional dinner or glass of wine. Catherine or I usually instigated these meetups.

Catherine got engaged and invited me to her wedding. I was delighted. She said "are you currently single? Melanie is so perhaps you could share a room in the hotel." I contacted Melanie and it was agreed - she booked, saying the balance was due on arrival.

I then realised I wouldn't be able to attend as I had an unavoidable and not fun family commitment. I immediately messaged the bride to be full of apologies. I was very disappointed but one of those things. It was about six weeks before the wedding. Bride was lovely about it.

Later that same day Melanie messaged asking me if it was true, I was now not going and leaving her with the hotel room. I said yes it's true, I had planned to call her later after work and explain and I would of course pay my half of the hotel charge.

A week before the wedding I got a text message from Melanie saying when did I plan to pay for the room, the wedding is this week. There were a lot of exclamation marks in the message. I said I'll transfer it today and reconfirmed she isn't being charged until arrival.

So I transferred the money, messaged her to say it's in her account (I actually walked into a branch and made a physical deposit just to ensure there were no delays), have a great time and send me photos.

The day after the wedding I contacted her asking how it was and if she had fun. She wrote back that it was brilliant and even better another singleton had contacted her during the week asking if she could share her room so she ended up getting the hotel room 'for free'. Basically I paid half and this other singleton paid half.

I was taken aback but just said I was glad she had a great time and I was gutted I'd missed it.

That was the end of the interaction but some time later I realised she had blocked me on all SM. Catherine stays in touch. When I bump into Melanie she's very friendly but it's all rushed & feels fake.

YABU - of course you had to pay, you left her on her own at a wedding and she heard it from the bride first

YANBU - she should have either let the other woman stay for free or returned the money to you. It wasn't your fault you couldn't attend and you gave lots of notice

I would think she’s realised she was a cf which is why she blocked you and feels awkward.

Yes, you should have told her as soon as you'd told the bride, she should have heard it from you directly.

You gave her 6 weeks' notice, so she could have changed the reservation to a single room, so I'd say you didn't actually need to pay your share of the twin room, but as you did pay, she definitely should have given you your money back when someone else stepped in and shared the room with her, you didn't pay half for her to get a free room for the night!

I suspect she blocked you on SM because she knows perfectly well that by taking your money and using it for a freebie, that she's been a complete CF and is possibly a bit embarrassed and worried you might still (even after all these years) ask her to reimburse you.

Try not to worry about being blocked, I am too from someone’s fb page and that came about as I took on a pet she couldn’t look after (a large one) and she got upset with my personal posts/progress with the animal, to the point she accused me to others of slandering her on our community fb page which I hadn’t. Someone else I posted up on a “pet” forum similarly and I didn’t…

so these people do this to make louder noises to cover up their own appalling conduct is my theory.

you should have been given a refund as soon as the other single popped up.

…. Said I posted up..

You should never have paid. You gave plenty of notice and she would have had to have had a room anyway.

Hi first I wouldn’t have said ‘is this true’ it’s if she thinks you’re lying. Yes you should have paid your half, but she should have refunded you the money as someone took your place. She probably got the girl to pay half of her half.

Just to clarify; I didn't mind paying my half as it's always a drag paying twice as much as most guests just because you're not one half of a couple. I doubt the hotel had single rooms, if they did we would have booked them initially.

I also was disappointed we were not going to the wedding together as it would have been lots of fun. I felt bad for leaving her without a plus one so at least getting a room to herself without being out of pocket made me feel a bit better.

I didn't however like the text message a week beforehand asking me when was I going to pay with all the exclamation marks as I knew she wouldn't be paying before arriving. I put it down to her being stressed, possibly about money and worrying I'd leave her hanging about. We had no history of financial dealings before so she could have wrongly assumed I'd behave badly.

The email then cheerfully declaring she got the room 'for free' was so surprising. I couldn't understand her telling me.

I wasn't prepared to ask for the money back or cause an issue over this one incident so I simply said that's great and glad you enjoyed.

So I don't think she's embarrassed but I do think she then decided that I was the dickhead for whatever reason and ejected me from her life.

Wait, so was she sending you messages saying, "When are you going to pay????" when she already knew she had found someone else to take your place?

You were definitely right to pay when you pulled out.
She should have either given the room for free to the other person, or refunded you the money.
Or at the very least not tell you!! What was the point in that other than to piss you off?!

No I don't think the replacement person had appeared then. I didn't understand the ott text though as nobody was going to be paying for another week. I assumed she was stressed.

Sounds like a lucky escape for you.

Some people are more uptight about money than others - often because they haven't got any.

To me it seems like she went through some trauma (for whatever reason) that you were not going to pay your share and the fact that you waited until the last minute (this was fair enough as the bill was not due until then) compounded this in her head and kept her worried right up until the final point you paid.

IMO it is OK to cancel but you should let the other party know asap and offer to pay your share. Yes if a replacement is found then I think you should get your money back.

And people like Melanie who are really uptight about money shouldn't really be loaning people they don't know very well cash or be paying upfront for stuff.