I pulled out of night away - did I still have to pay my share?

[Nodinnernogift]

This is quite light-hearted but I'd love to hear others opinions. The other thread about a shared hotel room reminded me but I'm potentially the bad guy here.

It happened years ago but still feel funny when I run into this now acquaintance.

I began a new hobby and made some friends, let's call them Catherine and Melanie. Catherine was in a serious relationship, Melanie was single as was I. We stayed in touch, meeting up for the occasional dinner or glass of wine. Catherine or I usually instigated these meetups.

Catherine got engaged and invited me to her wedding. I was delighted. She said "are you currently single? Melanie is so perhaps you could share a room in the hotel." I contacted Melanie and it was agreed - she booked, saying the balance was due on arrival.

I then realised I wouldn't be able to attend as I had an unavoidable and not fun family commitment. I immediately messaged the bride to be full of apologies. I was very disappointed but one of those things. It was about six weeks before the wedding. Bride was lovely about it.

Later that same day Melanie messaged asking me if it was true, I was now not going and leaving her with the hotel room. I said yes it's true, I had planned to call her later after work and explain and I would of course pay my half of the hotel charge.

A week before the wedding I got a text message from Melanie saying when did I plan to pay for the room, the wedding is this week. There were a lot of exclamation marks in the message. I said I'll transfer it today and reconfirmed she isn't being charged until arrival.

So I transferred the money, messaged her to say it's in her account (I actually walked into a branch and made a physical deposit just to ensure there were no delays), have a great time and send me photos.

The day after the wedding I contacted her asking how it was and if she had fun. She wrote back that it was brilliant and even better another singleton had contacted her during the week asking if she could share her room so she ended up getting the hotel room 'for free'. Basically I paid half and this other singleton paid half.

I was taken aback but just said I was glad she had a great time and I was gutted I'd missed it.

That was the end of the interaction but some time later I realised she had blocked me on all SM. Catherine stays in touch. When I bump into Melanie she's very friendly but it's all rushed & feels fake.

YABU - of course you had to pay, you left her on her own at a wedding and she heard it from the bride first

YANBU - she should have either let the other woman stay for free or returned the money to you. It wasn't your fault you couldn't attend and you gave lots of notice

‘Why has she blocked you on social media? That’s weird.’

Guilty conscience. She’s embarrassed. And so she should be. You behaved impeccably and she should’ve refunded you immediately.

Well I was expecting you to be in the wrong from your opening, but that was quite a plot twist. I think it was fair for you to pay half with six weeks to go, but once a new person was found, they should have repaid you, not Melanie.

You're assuming she told you the truth.

Maybe her story - it was fab, you missed a great night, I managed to get it for nothing was to make you feel bad for leaving her to go on her own.

It all sounds a bit like triumphant revenge to me. I'd take it with a pinch of salt.

She's a cheeky twat and knew exactly what she was doing. Nobody needs someone like that in their life. Lucky escape.

She told you as a big fuck you. She wanted to needle you to make a point. She didn't have to say anything.

I wouldn't even look her way tbh.

Of course she should have refunded you once she filled your place

Exactly this! I made this statement too as did a few others on this thread. Seems way more likely

Ah I hope not for her sake.

My take on this is that you should only have paid your half if, and only if, she didn't find anyone else to share the room.

It's how we've always worked it for conventions. It generally works well. Unsually without any awkwardness, even if the new sharer is someone we've never met before.

Smarmy bitch shame she didn’t get locked out of the room by the other person; her actions after prove she knows she behaved inappropriately but strike it down to experience & move on

You had an agreement with her that you'd share a room and pay your half at the desk. Then she heard you weren't coming at all though you hadn't told her that. She asked you direct and you confirmed but didn't offer to pay up front considering the change of plan. So she's thinking at that point you are quite possibly going to pay nothing. She wants to see if you say anything. You don't and she sends a cross(ish) message asking for payment a week before. But she's annoyed that you let her think she might be shafted and that she has to chase you. Up to this point YABU. When she does find a roommate and ends up with a "free" room she tells you and later blocks you as "punishment" because she stays annoyed. But she knows SIBU by now hence all the fake niceness in public, so she doesn't get called out by anyone else. That's my take anyway! I would have been annoyed with you too but I'd have felt secretly smug about the outcome and never have mentioned it. SIBU to pocket the money especially as she crowed about it.

Wow she’s a bitch!

YANBU

This!

Whilst I see why you paid for your half even after not being able to attend; I feel this was more a courteous thing to do rather than warranted as surely if payment was not due until you arrived at the hotel and with it being 6 weeks in advance; your friend had plenty of time to find another roommate or find another hotel.

Blocking you is strange, though it sounds like she is a very strange CF.

This 💯

That is crazy. She actually thought it was okay at first. And then instead of owning up to it, she blocks you?
You did completely right and she wasn't wrong in accepting it. But, afterwards, when she charged someone for another half, then she should have returned your money to you.
It is the part where she bragged about it to you that is just so, wow.

Obviously you should have paid if she had no one to take your place but I would have expected either they would go for free or returned what you paid. Them paying and her going for free is totally wrong.

She is way out of order to take your money and then take money from other single guest! And to announce it as a win! So rude!

Not surprised she feels awkward bumping into you.

Wow she completely took the piss. YANBU at all. In fact I'm surprised you paid in advance, I would have thought an arrangement where you say if you can't find someone else ill cover the additional costs would be more reasonable, knowing it was unlikely to happen. But maybe she had been burnt before and wanted it paid upfront. Can't believe she joked about getting it for free. She actually owes YOU that money, I'd be so tempted to ask her for it if I were you.

Melanie has issues.

First off - it seems a strange coincidence that in the week before the wedding she suddenly managed to find someone to share the room with her after you'd paid....

Personally I don't think you should ever have paid for the room after you found out you couldn't go. It was keeping the cost down that you were sharing, but had she been going on her own all along she would have had to pay the full amount.

She sounds despicable and blocking you on sm is just immature and pathetic.

People go really weird around weddings and money. I was buying bridesmaid shoes for my bridesmaids and my SIL was trying to dictate the style etc for her (17 yr old) daughter. They actually went out shopping, chose a pair of shoes (without any consultation) then asked me for the money for them! They were the wrong colour so I said I would need to get them dyed - response was no because she wants to wear them to prom! So basically I was paying for a pair of prom shoes! Ended up she couldn't even bloody walk in them as they were too big 😠

Agreed

She had 6 weeks notice so she could have cancelled the hotel room and chosen one of the other options

Surely most people book using credit cards anyway so you would only have needed to pay once the actual event had taken place and she hasn’t found anyone. Definitely not several weeks in advance.

She had plenty of notice to find someone else - which she did. She’s taken the piss

I actually don't think you needed to pay at all OP, unless the room booking couldn't be cancelled at the point you realised you couldn't make it. Six weeks in advance should give time for her to make other arrangements. If the notice was short then yes, you should have paid, but in this case, no. That’s without even considering the fact she ended up sharing with someone else anyway...