I pulled out of night away - did I still have to pay my share?

[Nodinnernogift]

This is quite light-hearted but I'd love to hear others opinions. The other thread about a shared hotel room reminded me but I'm potentially the bad guy here.

It happened years ago but still feel funny when I run into this now acquaintance.

I began a new hobby and made some friends, let's call them Catherine and Melanie. Catherine was in a serious relationship, Melanie was single as was I. We stayed in touch, meeting up for the occasional dinner or glass of wine. Catherine or I usually instigated these meetups.

Catherine got engaged and invited me to her wedding. I was delighted. She said "are you currently single? Melanie is so perhaps you could share a room in the hotel." I contacted Melanie and it was agreed - she booked, saying the balance was due on arrival.

I then realised I wouldn't be able to attend as I had an unavoidable and not fun family commitment. I immediately messaged the bride to be full of apologies. I was very disappointed but one of those things. It was about six weeks before the wedding. Bride was lovely about it.

Later that same day Melanie messaged asking me if it was true, I was now not going and leaving her with the hotel room. I said yes it's true, I had planned to call her later after work and explain and I would of course pay my half of the hotel charge.

A week before the wedding I got a text message from Melanie saying when did I plan to pay for the room, the wedding is this week. There were a lot of exclamation marks in the message. I said I'll transfer it today and reconfirmed she isn't being charged until arrival.

So I transferred the money, messaged her to say it's in her account (I actually walked into a branch and made a physical deposit just to ensure there were no delays), have a great time and send me photos.

The day after the wedding I contacted her asking how it was and if she had fun. She wrote back that it was brilliant and even better another singleton had contacted her during the week asking if she could share her room so she ended up getting the hotel room 'for free'. Basically I paid half and this other singleton paid half.

I was taken aback but just said I was glad she had a great time and I was gutted I'd missed it.

That was the end of the interaction but some time later I realised she had blocked me on all SM. Catherine stays in touch. When I bump into Melanie she's very friendly but it's all rushed & feels fake.

YABU - of course you had to pay, you left her on her own at a wedding and she heard it from the bride first

YANBU - she should have either let the other woman stay for free or returned the money to you. It wasn't your fault you couldn't attend and you gave lots of notice

If it was refundable anyway the room should have been cancelled and she should have found her own accommodation. Fact she didn’t repay you when someone else was sharing was poor

No, she was only planning to pay half the hotel room! She wouldn't have needed a twin room if not sharing and might have gone to a cheaper hotel or not at all.

"The fuck I'd have paid for a hotel room I wasn't even staying in. Most hotels I've stayed at, you pay the same for a twin or double room regardless of whether one or two people are staying. Single occupancy discount seems to be increasingly rare."

That's a shitty attitude. Single occupancy still exists as do single rooms in some places. No way should someone pay for a twin room because the other person pulled out last minute.

She may not have been able to find other accommodation at a good price last minute so I don't agree with that one.

Yep! This ^

I think you had a lucky escape not sharing a room with cf.

No doubt she expects the world to run round her and stomps like a toddler when things don't go her way. Something else was bound to happen so she would end up pissed.

You don't need people like this in your life op.

This.

She’s at fault not you

Are you serious? Wow you are a bad friend.

Basically there is fault on both sides.

YWBU to agree to go and to share a room, before checking your diary.

You did the right thing by paying your share, but YWBU to make Melanie have to ask twice for your money. I know the hotel didn’t need to be paid till arrival, but she must have been getting nervous that you wouldn’t pay at all.

Obviously Melanie was unreasonable for not refunding you, when she managed to get someone else to share. However, has this been confirmed, because I wonder if it’s actually true. She may have just said that to wind you up, because she was angry at you for cancelling.

I’m guessing she blocked you because the whole thing left a bad taste in her mouth - your flakiness, the money issue, her then cheating you etc. I imagine she wanted to detach.

This was the first thing I thought. Telling you that she got one over on you then blocking you sounds like she was trying to get at you.

Maybe she was looking forward to you sharing the hotel room and thought you were closer friends than you did, and hearing second hand that you weren't even coming upset her?

I don't understand why she blocked you when she was clearly the one in the wrong. You did nothing wrong at all. Next time you see her I would be breezy. She's taken the piss and then snubbed you. Why would you want to associate with someone like that?

@MumblesParty and @Theprincessisblanketed good points you have raised and I suspect it could be something like this.

I mean if she was a straightforward CF she wouldn't have been phased at all, just cheerfully pocketed the money and enjoyed her night, not blocking me on SM.

She didn't have to ask me twice though for money - I offered initially and she said no, we will both pay at the desk. Then she asked once a week beforehand and I paid it directly into her account that day. She allegedly had the replacement organised before she paid anything.

But I think you're right and I hurt her feelings.

Yes I'm always breezy now when I see her as she clearly doesn't like me; a wave and hello and I keep walking.

She should've refunded you, she's a CF of the highest order!

Agree.

A similar thing happened to me at a wedding many years ago when I was single. I knew loads of people going, but they were all couples, and I wasn’t massively friendly with any of them. Luckily a single friend of mine was going too, so we booked a shared room.

A week or so before the wedding, she said she couldn’t come after all. I can’t recall the reason, and I can’t even recall if she paid, but I’m pretty sure she did.

But the main thing was it changed the whole dynamic of the wedding for me. Rather than having my single buddy with me, to get ready together and face the couples together, I was on my own, and had to work much harder at being sociable.

It wasn’t a huge drama but it definitely dented our friendship because I felt let down (I think it was a fairly tenuous reason, and I suspect she had a better offer than a coupley wedding!).

Why am I a bad friend? Leaving her 6 weeks to find a cheaper hotel or someone to share with? Are you always so dramatic 🙄

She clearly should have refunded you when it was clear that somebody else would take your place (and pay for it).

I'm really surprised that she had the cheek to actually inform you about this?? She really has no shame at all!

The only thing you did wrong was not to tell her directly. That wasn't nice. She felt like you didn't care about her being alone and potentially being stuck with your half of the bill. That's all you did wrong though. I'd forget her and move past it.

I am going to make a confession here. Once when I was single me and another single friend were invited to a wedding so we booked a twin room. The week of the wedding the other girl said she could not make it so she transferred me half the money for the room. The day before the wedding another girl contacted me and said she can only get a single room in the hotel but wanted her hubbie to come so could we swap and she would give me the price difference and i said no problem. Checked in, did not go to the room but straight to the bar, exchanged room keys. Couple hours later I go to my 'single' room which at this point with the reduction and the transfer of money from pal had only been costing me 100quid for the two nights including breakfast so I cheerily went to my 'single' room to find out it was actually a family suite I had with 2 double beds, two single beds, a sofa etc. Did i tell anyone about it? Did I fuck. I enjoyed two nights alone in that suite by myself and never said a word to anyone.

You should have told her first that you couldn’t use the room then told the bride.

It sounds like she had to chase you up for the payment which was awkward for her.

The fact someone else got the room too was unplanned however she could have either given it to them for free/asked them to split her costs/transferred to you. But it was up to her as she was the one dealing with it. Rooms can be more expensive last minute so the other person maybe got a good deal.

You did the right thing paying your share OP. I can't believe folks saying that if they pulled out 6 weeks before the wedding they would expect their friend to foot the entire room cost, and of course far too late to find a cheaper option at that point.

What she did was tacky and money grabbing. I can't believe she let you know , so she's obviously not that bright either. I wouldn't want to remain friends with someone like that.

For those saying OP should have informed the room sharer and to not do so was wrong... OP does say she'd planned to call her at the end of the same day she'd told the bride-to-be!

It’s strange to have to explain something that seems so obvious to me, but I guess everyone has different standards.

You’ll see from the thread that most people agree the OP was correct to pay her share, rather than leave her friend to take the financial hit or the hassle of finding an alternative, when it was the OP who’d changed the plans.

I was going to suggest you tried to think about it a bit more but I guess you’re just wired different.

I’m not sure you understand the word “dramatic”. There’s nothing dramatic about paying your way.

But the other perso nhad no means of knowing OP paid her half already, so they thought they were paying for themselves and Melanie was paying for herself.

That's very different though.
You didn't deliberately diddle anyone out of any money and everyone had somewhere to stay that night. In your circumstances I'd probably have kept schtum too !

Either embarrassed or doesn't want to be called out on what she did.

She knows she was wrong