Dear mumsnet!
Long time reader, first time poster so go easy on me please. I need some advice help or guidance im not sure what, with my current relationship. I have no friends or family support so mumsnet I'm asking for your support.
I've been in a relationship with my partner for 6 years now, i have three beautiful children (eldest from previous relationship) other two from current relationship youngest being 4 months old, so as you can imagine at the moment I'm exhuasted physically and mentally.
A little about me before I let you know about my relationship issues. Im being 100% honest and I know some of these are not pleasant traits to have. I'm a very shy person I'm described as an introvert I have low confidence and self esteem I have jealous and needy tendencies I will always go out of my way to help people even if it damages my mental health ive also in the past suffered with anxiety and depression.
Since the beginning of my relationship my partners sleeping habits have been difficult to handle but understandable due to the hours he worked (10am-1am) his finishing time was 11pm but more often than not had to stay on late to get jobs done pleasures of being a retail manager. We had no alone couple time as I was always asleep by the time he came home. Every night he will spend two hours in the bath even to this day and wouldn't come to bed before 6am due to needing down time then woke up 30minutes before work got ready and left, the bedtime hours were the same on days off but wouldnt get out of bed untill around 3pm. This was fine I got grumpy with it due to lack of time together but I understood (pre kids) this has since improved only because a change in jobs the spending time together has not changed!.
He works two jobs which I appreciate whole heartedly I have to work around him so I work late evenings/nights (on maternity leave atm) we cannot change this dynamic due to financial reasons. So as a result of this our together time is limited. When we do spend time together I have to wait for him to come down from his bath usually around 10:30pm ish he'll pick the film/programme (if I pick he'll spend the evening on his phone) he made comments in the past that I use my phone two much around him so I have made a habit of not using it during our time I also mentioned he's on his phone too much to which he full on denies and hasn't done anything about. I usually fall asleep on the sofa no more than 10 minutes into watching something as I'm exhusted of doing 100% of the child care everyday. I wake up to YouTube on the telly and him on his phone scrolling through sm (if i am able to stay awake he doesnt talk and picks up and puts down his phone constantly its also forever going off. He tells me I'm controlling (because I ask him to put his phone down) just like his brother girlfriend she psychotic and refuses help this comment made me cry as I'm nothing like that he saw how upset it made me but never apologised) i then wake up and go to bed ( around midnight) and he continues to stay down stairs until 4-5am on his phone this makes me extremely upset I've expressed to him multiple times that I'd like us to start going to bed together but he refuses to see it as a problem only says "it's a you problem"
Am I in the wrong for wanting him to come to bed with me or to leave his phone alone? I dont ask for much in my relationship but the things I do ask for its always met with refusal or done a few times then back to normal.
I have several other issues in my relationship-
Phone use
Intimacy
Emotional support
No help the the children
Him doubting my opinion/knowledge to name a few
I am besotted with this man I've never felt love towards him like it. I dont want to leave him so that's out of the question.
I need advise on how to help/manage these issues and see what is normal or not in my relationship. I fell very lonely at the moment.
I'm sorry for the long winded post.