AIBU and if not why do I feel so guilty??

[TherapySquirrel]

We have two DC, aged 10 and 5. DH works FT and I work term-time only. I love having the holidays off with the DC and know I'm lucky, but being together 24/7 over the long summer break can be a bit draining at times!

We went abroad for 2 weeks over Easter so agreed we wouldn't do a big family holiday this summer. We've planned some nice day trips, and a long weekend visiting friends by the sea. But DH is now saying he also wants to do a trip away for 3 nights to a destination a couple of hours drive away. The trip would revolve entirely around a particular activity DH loves, and both kids also enjoy but I hate. I've done it in the past, for DH's sake, but he knows I didn't enjoy it and have no desire to do it again. So he is suggesting he takes both DC, and I stay at home and have a break.

Part of me wants to bite his hand off. Three whole nights to myself!!!...I haven't had the house to myself for more than a few hours since the kids were born!! DH is perfectly capable and relaxed about taking the kids away. I know they would have a good time. But I also feel guilty, like it's self indugent of me to stay behind and (I know this sounds daft) I'd feel really embarrassed about people knowing. I know I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks, but I feel like people will judge me for being selfish, or lazy.
I feel like Kevin's wife in Motherland!😂

Over the years I've looked after both DC alone while DH has been away for stag do's, a friends wedding abroad, festivals and golf trips with mates, not to mention several long haul business trips. So why do I feel like I'd be doing something wrong??

So WIBU to do this? If not, how do I not spend the whole time feeling guilty instead of enjoying the break??

You have nothing to feel guilty about, the kids will be having a fab time. Enjoy it, relax.

Not unusual for kids to go away with one parent for a hobby, enjoy your time off. You’ll have all the washing to do when tney get back !

I have absolutely no idea why you feel like that because it is an entirely reasonable and normal thing to do!

Good grief, talk about a massive waste of emotional energy. You have nothing to feel guilty over, end of. Send them off with a cheerful wave and enjoy having the time to yourself. You've earned it.

Sounds like the perfect solution to me. Everyone happy.
Don't feel guilty, just enjoy your 3 days off 😻

I'd be biting my DH hand off for this!

I take DC away by myself a lot - DH never reciprocates. Sounds like heaven.

Nothing to be guilty about.

They are having fun.
You should be having fun too.

Everyone's a winner!

This is a pointless waste of emotion. Pull yourself together and start planning your child free break, woman!

Do not feel guilty, this is a time for your DH and DC to have time together doing something they enjoy without having to think about you.

Who are the people saying you are unreasonable? I imagine it’s that you are unreasonable to worry about this rather than unreasonable to do it but it would be good for OP to hear that I think.

Stay home and have a lovely time. Who would judge? I would absolutely do this in your shoes. If you really wouldn’t relax, you could go on the holiday but spend the days by yourself rather than doing the activity.

Stay at home and enjoy yourself!

Let them enjoy doing their activity and bonding while you don’t have to put on a face and just tag along. You can do anything you like - BUT NOT CHORES!!!

Why are you wasting your time feeling guilty about this?! It’s a win-win for all concerned. You get time off, they get to do what they love. The end.

I know I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks, but I feel like people will judge me for being selfish, or lazy

Is this how you feel about mothers that manage to have free time to themselves? I can't think why you would believe people will judge you for this unless you yourself would judge others for it.

My parents used to send us for weeks away to summer camp and then week+ to cottage with grandparents.😂

No one with more than half a brain will judge you. Stop the martyrdom for everyone's sanity especially yours

And do not spend all that time cleaning and doing chores!!!

Absolutely do it and spend the three days doing things that you enjoy - that's what your DH and the kids will be doing, so why on earth wouldn't you? I can't imagine any parent would judge you for it (except possibly out of jealousy!!).

Sounds like it should be an annual thing! Enjoy!

(The voting will be a nonsense because it's not clear how to vote)

YANBU to do it
YABU to feel embarrassed & guilty.

why shouldn't they go & enjoy doing something you don't enjoy? It isn't your job to facilitate their relationship or their time away.

if they were still very small & it was impossible for DH to enjoy it without help, then I'd say it's a 'kindness' to go, but definitely not an obligation.

Kindly... get over being so daft & enjoy your time alone!!

Say yes!! DH and DS have shared interests in military stuff and will go to air museums or tank museums and make a short break of it so I get time to myself, and I will take DS off to do things that we have a shared interest in, and DH gets time to himself.

No clue what DH does, but I enjoy a mix of watching rom-coms, eating what I want when I want, and the opportunity to declutter and bin stuff without someone saying "I need that broken screwdriver/rusty padlock/etc"

Don't feel guilty.

Stop the silly hand wringing martyrdom OP - it sets women back. Why would you feel guilty? What man would ask such a stupid question and tie themselves in knots to "justify" a perfectly normal situation?

Quit the nonsense and enjoy your break.

Tbh I'd judge you if you didn't absolutely grab this opportunity!! 🤣

Take this as a wonderful opportunity for yourself.

Reframe it as a chance for your DH to bond with the children on his own. If truth be told he would probably prefer you not there, because if he knows you don’t enjoy the hobby then a part of him will need to check that you’re Ok. If you’re not there he won’t have that extra worry.

Also take this that there is something slightly wrong, if you feel this much guilt. This is telling you that you need to take more time for yourself, not less.

I think nearly all women know how hard it is looking after children , and most actively feel joyful when they know another woman is getting a chance to have me time.

Is there any chance you feel the judging might come from your parents or in-laws.? That was another generation and theirs views don’t have to be yours.

Or lie and just tell everybody you will be working your arse off deep cleaning/digging a septic tank/killing zombies.

God I would KILL for a three day break like this - take it, enjoy it, stop worrying

@TherapySquirrel Kindly, you are being ridiculous. What is a break for, if not to recover your energy? and what do you spend your energy on most of the time, if not taking care of your family?

Fulfilled, well rested, happy parents make better parents. Enjoy your solo time.