AIBU and if not why do I feel so guilty??

[TherapySquirrel]

We have two DC, aged 10 and 5. DH works FT and I work term-time only. I love having the holidays off with the DC and know I'm lucky, but being together 24/7 over the long summer break can be a bit draining at times!

We went abroad for 2 weeks over Easter so agreed we wouldn't do a big family holiday this summer. We've planned some nice day trips, and a long weekend visiting friends by the sea. But DH is now saying he also wants to do a trip away for 3 nights to a destination a couple of hours drive away. The trip would revolve entirely around a particular activity DH loves, and both kids also enjoy but I hate. I've done it in the past, for DH's sake, but he knows I didn't enjoy it and have no desire to do it again. So he is suggesting he takes both DC, and I stay at home and have a break.

Part of me wants to bite his hand off. Three whole nights to myself!!!...I haven't had the house to myself for more than a few hours since the kids were born!! DH is perfectly capable and relaxed about taking the kids away. I know they would have a good time. But I also feel guilty, like it's self indugent of me to stay behind and (I know this sounds daft) I'd feel really embarrassed about people knowing. I know I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks, but I feel like people will judge me for being selfish, or lazy.
I feel like Kevin's wife in Motherland!😂

Over the years I've looked after both DC alone while DH has been away for stag do's, a friends wedding abroad, festivals and golf trips with mates, not to mention several long haul business trips. So why do I feel like I'd be doing something wrong??

So WIBU to do this? If not, how do I not spend the whole time feeling guilty instead of enjoying the break??

You love your kids and are used to be there for them at any point they need you. Not being with them means you can’t do that and that makes you feel uncomfortable and guilty. You’re clearly a great mum who puts other people in front of herself all the time.

That's not being a great mum. It's being dysfunctionally codependent. Putting other people in front of yourself all the time is damaging for all concerned. Plus the myth that what makes a good mother is painting "WELCOME" on yourself and lying down is one of the most toxic legacies of patriarchy.

The voice in your head is the voice of your mum, right? Time to tell her to do one, and bog off.

Your DH has come up with a great idea and you would be daft not to make the most of it.

YABU to feel guilty, enjoy your time

I'd wave them off then go to the supermarket for a few bottles of wine and loads of my favourite food

Just enjoy the house to yourself! Play loud music! Dance! What’s not to like x

I've no idea why you keep listing reasons to justify this. It's perfectly normal and fine and I know of no one who would judge you. Just do it . I suppose the other alternative if you really can't bear it is going and doing your own thing in the day if the area/accommodation allows for that.

Your daughter watching you constantly sacrificing yourself over some ridiculous, misplaced mum guilt is a horrible, horrible example for her.

Why on earth would you feel guilty about your husband and children all having a lovely time together?! This way, everyone gets to do what they want. Just because you're their mother doesn't make you joined at the hip, and it will be so good for them to spend time away from you - good for you too!

Sure 👍🏻

Is it more that you’d feel so odd, rather than guilty?

Apart from an unplanned absence of 1 night after a MC I wasn’t away from DC for 7 years although DP was away every now and then for work.

The first times I was away from them overnight was doing courses away from home and that worked fine. I would have found it much harder if they’d gone away and I was home, even though I loved being at home and was used to breaks of a few hours at a time when DP took them out

God I wish I had had the opportunity to spend more time with just my dad when we were kids , he worked so much even summer holidays as a family were very rare. Encourage them to go without you , it will strengthen bonds

Guilty because you don't want to spend every single second of your life with your DH and DC? I think it's a extremely healthy and normal. Enjoy it. They will all be having a great time by the sounds of it - absolutely no need to feel guilt whatsoever. Anyway, if you went you'd feel guilty for not enjoying it or joining in so if you insist on feeling bad, just do that at home. No one will give you a medal for going on a trip you won't get any enjoyment out of or it putting a downer on your family's fun. Relax. Recharge. Enjoy doing whatever you like. Guilt free.

OP please update with your decision when you have made one. I have once again over invested in a thread. 😀

I would agree to this suggestion immediately and without an ounce of guilt! Enjoy!

It sounds just wonderful, what a lovely family dynamic!

Sounds ideal! Remember, it's an important lesson for your kids to learn as well. You can care a lot about a person (friendship or relationship) but you also need to know when to step back and give that person the space to enjoy things that are outside your own areas interest from time to time. It's not healthy to be joined to another (non newborn baby) human 24/7.

Of course YANBU.

It’s a gift from your DH. Don’t throw it back at him.

Take it and express appreciation. That is the result he will want from being nice to you. Say thank you, be warm and happy. He gets to know that he can do things that make you happy, which is good. Don’t take that away from him by refusing.

At 10 and 5 they may not be all that much hard work for him. Often men carry on as normal when kids are around and expect kids to fit in. Kids then step up and behave.