To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

@babyproblems

Who do you think does 'childrearing' and 'caring' when women work?

Nobody but you has "rainy days"?

You have to do what others with far less income have to do - manage. If my roof falls apart I call the insurance company. When the boiler stopped working (and had to be replaced) I had to buy a new one (not the shiny most expensive one). And I don't know what your OH does for a living but I do know that if you had to stop working due to ill health your pension provider has provision for that - a pension provision much better than that of many people.

I'm sorry but you need to hear yourself. You are not hard done to. Everyone is having to suck up extra living costs. Everyone has less than they used to have. You are not unique in any way. But you are nowhere near the poverty line, and the fact that you have chosen to spend your money in certain ways is on you. Before you took out car loans did you stop to think "what if our circumstances change", or "what if we have another child" or "what if one of us can't work"?

Being a teacher is a valuable profession. Being a nurse is a valuable profession. Being a supermarket shelf filler is also a valuable profession. But that supermarket worker isn't on anywhere near the income you are, and still has bills to pay too.

You are extremely fortunate in having a fairly decent household income, a nice house, nice cars, two healthy children.... and any struggling that you are doing is about the choices you have made. You still seem to have more disposable income than many people have as their entire income.

It isn't the nursery cost now, it is the cost for 2 kids full time 3 days a week after she goes back.

Sorry you’re feeling stretched OP. I’m a teacher just returning from mat leave too and worried as our mortgage is big (only brought recently on high interest rate) and nursery payments looming. But I think looking at the figures you’re ok. If savings take the backseat for a while and you already have an emergency pot it’s not the end of the world. Can you exam mark? That always helps me massively in the summer.

I think people often expect a certain standard of living from certain jobs and that standard of living is no longer achievable on the same jobs as it used to be.

For some people family help/inheritances insulates them from this.

Others rely on "side hustles".

Most people are finding it hard OP.
As others have said once your childcare costs reduce (not long) you will be a lot better off than now.

I had four months mat leave in 1999 even though I was in a professional role. It was hard. Mat benefits have really improved since then.

It doesn't have to be like this, our government has been making very poor choices for the majority of the population.

Honestly, it’s a time when ‘treats’ are small things - eventually you will be able to buy something new/nice again and it will be a wonderful jolt back to pre baby life. Had both of mine in 2000s and most people I knew struggled through this but just about breaking even. Get relatives to buy essentials for presents - I used to take my older DNs to buy ‘birthday’ shoes before I had my own kids and picked up a trick from a friend which was to actually say I have no money for ice cream after school by showing DCs empty purse - it was true but they understood. We had juice ice pops from freezer, a picnic in the park with the toys, visited friends and relatives for holidays/days out and hosted them. I cried regularly on my way home from work - awful child unfriendly boss - but you do and will get through.

Remember how you’re feeling because the conservative party has done this to you. Make sure you vote for a better alternative!
yadnbu

My dc are pretty old. It wasn’t much easier under Labour. No 30 free hours for first at 3 for a start

Long hours overran nursery times, no flexibility.

No way was it a breeze back then.

I completely resonate with what you’re saying, it’s a really tough time with young kids/childcare costs. I’m a teacher too and I’ve managed to cut down my days by taking on some tutoring in the evenings. Means I don’t have to worry about childcare because my partner is home too. Rather than getting a Saturday job you could tag some tutoring onto your working day? It’s exhausting but worth it. The pay is very good depending on your area too- in the south east around £25-30 for primary tutoring and anywhere from £30-£50 for secondary depending on the subject.

To be fair, the Tories don't have much to do with it, the OP is just adjusting to having 2 kids and not having the disposable income she's used to.

On a positive note, you are returning to work the month before the summer holidays start so you will receive full pay and even if you spend a few weeks preparing for the new term you should have one month properly off. Do you continue to send your children to nursery in the summer holidays or will costs reduce then?

OP doesn't need a second job, they're not struggling 'to make ends meet'. OP posted their income and outgoings, they just don't have the disposal income for nicer things and savings like used to.

Because they had a second child.

Other people who are also really really underpaid!!! Those roles are worth much more than what society currently values them at and the public sector should be properly funded. Make no mistake that’s a choice our government makes.

the reality is that society should place more value on caring roles and having children. Today it doesn’t. The government choose to not fund these areas. That’s the truth.

OP needs to learn to distinguish between the nice-to-haves and the must-haves. Nobody owes her a higher standard of living just because she has a degree and works in the public sector!

I suspect if the Tories weren’t in charge, those ‘funded' nursery hours the OP is looking forward to would actually be adequately funded.

If you've been saving £500 a month regularly I assume you have a good amount of savings? There are times in your life when it's jsut not possible to save very much, or anything at all. E.g. mat leave, or when you a paying huge childcare bills. In those periods non-essential savings take a back seat.

I do think it's slightly misleading to say you literally can't afford the cost of life with two kids when you, in that calculation, including putting a hefty sum in savings each month.

@SunnyEgg I agree.

I think whatever generation you're in, there are upsides and downsides and it really annoys me when people hark back to previous generations as if it was some golden era.

In my generation when we were at the baby stage it was the 12 week maternity leave and no childcare subsidies (along with mortgage interest rates rocketing up to 15%) which were the big pressures. Nowadays for couples at this stage it's getting on the housing ladder that's the biggie; saving for a deposit is nigh on impossible. It would be easy for me to think that going back to my parents generation, they had it easier with affordable housing and families being able to afford a SAHP. But on the flip side, my mum didn't really have any choice - if she wanted to work there was barely any nursery provision at all back then, and definitely no breakfast/ after school clubs for wraparound care. My mum was clever and capable but like many women in her generation, was a SAHM for years and then eventually did a bit of very low status part time work when my sister and I were teenagers. No decent earning or pension provision in her entire adult life!

Bottom line is, every generation has its struggles, that's not to minimise what the OP is feeling because when you're going through the tough times it does feel shit.

OP doesn't need a second job, they're not struggling 'to make ends meet'. OP posted their income and outgoings, they just don't have the disposal income for nicer things and savings like used to.

Because they had a second child.

People with professional public sector jobs should be able to afford nice things as well as make ends meet while having a couple of kids- ok three or more might be expensive. They used to be able to before public sector pay failed to keep pace with the cost of living. Expect more from life.

I’m suggesting op leaves teaching for find a better paid career where she feels more comfortable and is treated better. Like many in the public sector she feels undervalued and that she’s been treated poorly. Yes if you work full time you require childcare of course - but you can also earn more than you can in teaching. I think the government should pay a far far higher proportion of childcare than they do currently. For all parents.

OP I do feel for you as you both sound hard working and just trying to do your best but…
You said you have been working for 10 years since the age of 16- so are you 26? Or have I mis understood?
You have a mortgage so are lucky enough to have your own house at least.
You have chosen to have 2 kids close together- lovely and everything but That comes with huge sacrifices- esp when they need such a lot of childcare. So yes. It means penny pinching, going to work earlier, and even taking on extra work in the evenings / weekends until they get free hours or are at school.
I know quite a few people who have had to do this and one of the parents works 2 jobs.
This is what happens when women go back to work as a standard. Obviously many good points to that but it’s meant the cost of housing etc has soared in the past 30 years and now only 2 salaries will do to survive. Never used to be like this- 1 salary was very doable for most, certainly until the kids went to school.
Sadly it’s the kids who have lost out (and mothers who would rather be able to look after their baby during the daytime but have to return earlier than they would like such as yourself)

We didn’t have the 30 hours for three year olds when Labour were in

It became cheaper when that kicked in

Are your dc young, people are just used to the extra funding now

Would tutoring around your husbands work times help keeping you home longer maybe ?

She can but it stays tougher longer as professional jobs need childcare in the long school holidays

You still have to fork out for the six weeks or whatever so take that into account

I’m suggesting op leaves teaching for find a better paid career where she feels more comfortable and is treated better. Like many in the public sector she feels undervalued and that she’s been treated poorly.

Well yes, many teachers are following a Conservative MP, Rachel MacLean's advice to "Get a better pad job" to cope with the rise in the cost of living.

Can you see any wider issues for the country with that, maybe?

I would also urge you to count your blessings.

For people who were in sectors like retail over the pandemic they had to cope with a 20% reduction in income overnight. Some lost their livelihoods and homes entirely. Their children were barred from attending school for the entirety. Everything they’d hoped and worked for gone.

Meanwhile, NHS workers, teachers, civil servants etc got to continue on full pay, saving a tonne, their kids were able to go to school if they wished as they were deemed essential and hero worshiped.

I’m sorry but you’re a bit late to the party - it’s been shit for some people for years and they just had to get on with it.

From what you’re saying about your situation, you had an unplanned pregnancy and are going to have to tighten your belt for about a year to cope with the consequences of your own actions.

After this stage your life will go back to being relatively normal. And you still have the opportunity meantime to do tuition/marking etc as a lot of teachers do to supplement their income.

Retraining for a higher earning profession is still an option, though the short term income drop to achieve this may not suit your needs.

You’re very fortunate.

Increasing wages vastly will not serve anyone as it will only increase inflation and could lead to us being back in the position of having 15% mortgage rates!

Count your blessings.