To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

Expressing solidarity here too!

I'm a different generation to you, but I was a teacher back in the day of crazy 15% interest rates and like you, dh and I were working the bones of our arses off and feeling like we were drowning.

When you have two kids in nursery, it's a financial nightmare. That was our situation with the added stress that paid maternity leave was 12 weeks and there were no free hours at age 3. It was really really tough leaving a 12 week old bf baby.

The only thing I would say, with the benefit of hindsight, is that it will get easier, this is the most expensive time for childcare. Once the kids are in school you'll be laughing at only having to pay wraparound care! And although your days are long (I had to drop mine at the childminder before 7:30 am and was rarely there before 6pm for pick up when my kids were school age) you'll get the school holidays off, which sort of balances it out.

I absolutely know the feeling of working your arse off and feeling like you're getting nowhere but it will pass. And once your child is in nursery, they will drink from a cup (at her age you really don't need to worry about bottles) Kids start doing all sorts of stuff at nursery that they just won't do for mum! I worried a lot about this because I was still bf and pumping as mine were 12 weeks when they started being left all day but babies adapt and they don't starve!

Keep going, there's light at the end of the tunnel

I agree, OP. No-one should. It's ridiculous.

I really can't understand your outgoings.
80k when you go back to work and 1,200 on childcare. Honestly no idea why you are going to be struggling to make ends meet!

Lots of people have to live a lot more frugally, but you've been on decent mat pay for most of your leave. Lots of people don't have that, I don't think you can really complain about the teachers mat leave deal.

When you go back and earn full time it makes absolutely no sense that you can't pay your bills.

It just doesn't stack up.

Mortgage £750
Childcare (will be) £1200
Council tax £195
Energy £90
Water £65
Loan £167
Food £350ish
Petrol £250 is v expensive due to car that DH drives which he has put for sale. Plus he commutes 50 mins each way. This includes my car too which is more economical.

He also has a loan but idk what he pays. £200 I think.

Then there's insurance, phones, union membership.. other little things that add up.

We normally aim to save £500 a month but that's not been happening for long time.

Yep, I earn the grand total of £24k after 10 years in the same industry. Private sector.

What I am reading is that OP has a DP, is a homeowner, both have professional jobs, and she has the means to tutor for additional pay.

I would recommend being grateful for what you have....

What are the 2 loans for?

It is really tough when you’re paying childcare for two, and everything is expensive. I’ve got two in school now and eldest is at secondary so it makes a real difference as soon as you get those 30 hours. I’m sure you are, but make sure you’re signed up to tax free childcare or childcare vouchers, that does make a difference.
There’s some really good threads on the money section here - make £10 a day. I regularly look at them to get ideas. I do a few of them, and I don’t make the £10 a day some of them do, but it is a little here and there and it pays for treats. A car boot sale paid for a trip out. A few surveys on Prolific in front of the TV and that’s a coffee out. If you haven’t swapped bank accounts for a while, have a look as some are offering up to £200 to swap at the moment.

£370 in loans is a lot. What are the loans.

Your mortgage seems sensible.

I think this is pretty standard for most families with 2 kids close together. Not sure what being a public sector worker has to do with it. Look at your budget properly and make sure you account for any DD’s going from your accounts etc.

Cars. I took mine out in 2019 before my kids were born. I have 1 year left on mine.

DH is car too. Again purchased before DC2. He didn't want to touch savings to buy it so took out a loan instead.

He's now selling car but idk what the cost of paying back the loan will be in full when car is sold. We'll also need another car but one that's cheaper & economical.

They aren't bloody topped up to £80k a year!

I'm sorry, because I get that childcare is expensive and I get that we are all facing the impacts of price increases, but there are people who can't heat their homes or put food on the table, so I'm not going to weep buckets for someone who is struggling on £80k a year (that's over 2 times the median household income for working households).

I’ve only read the first few pages. But can you take a mortgage holiday. I know they’re not ideal but this sounds like the time to do it. 2 nursery fees are the worst. When you are only paying for wraparound (and assume you might have some help) you will be so much better off.

If you are a secondary school teacher then tutoring is the way to go.
Where I worked previously we would pay a teacher to tutor on their day off if your MIL/DM would babysit for that short time. Tutoring pays well.
I would look at doing it in your own time if you have an appropriate subject.

That accounts for about £3200, so you have quite a way to go before you run out of money.

You need to have a really good review of your finances to see where your money is going. Question every expense. If you knock a few quid off a few expenses, you'll start to notice a difference, and if your DH swaps his car for a less thirsty one, that should really help. Have a look at:

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

From the numbers you've posted so far, if you are on water rates, see if you can swap to a meter, it should be cheaper unless you're incredibly wasteful with water.

Also, how much are your phones? An easy swap is to make sure you're on SIM only instead of getting a new contract every 2 years. Could save £50 pm or more between you.

What were the loans for? That's not going to help. Will you be able to stay out of debt when they're paid off? If they were for cars, you need to really try to buy cars with savings, not finance, it makes a huge difference to your outgoings.

But are you really only spending £90 pm on utilities? That's low for a family home. Likewise, how much are you spending on food and drink, including lunches, takeaways, coffee, meals out etc? A lot of people leak a lot of money that way without realising. Try and reduce the amount of food/drink out you buy by taking packed lunch, picnics etc as the cost savings can be significant.

Oh and make sure you are getting your tax free childcare vouchers in work. Are your phones tied in still - I got mine down from £60 to £12 last year.

Do you think you could have your toddler around the extra two mornings, maybe saving 50 ish pounds a week, that would free up enough to buy her soft play and hot chocolate.
Having them close is tough, I’ve been there with no support.
maybe on those mornings where she would go to nursery you could do soft play then so you get at least some kind of a break?

@drusillabee do you still have the savings or have they been used up? If you still have them I'd use them to pay off both cars.

What savings do you have and what is the interest rate on the loans? No point having more than minimal savings (eg a £1000 emergency fund) when you are in debt.

Unless the interest rate on the loans is ultra low (under 3%) ask for a settlement fee and pay off/down the loans with your savings. Then you can build your savings back up because you're not making loan repayments.

I still don't see how that us unaffordable.

Presumably you haven't been saving £500 a month because you've been on maternity leave and chose to still use some nursery.

On top of your salaries you will be receiving £170 a month in CB.

Your take home should be around £5k joint considering your salary split so 5,170.

"Then there's insurance, phones, union membership.. other little things that add up." After your expenses you've listed you still have £1,900 a month for the 'little things that add up'
Really doesn't seem to be on the bones of your arse needing a night job at all.

But that leaves you almost £2000 a month unaccounted for doesn't it? You earn more than us and your outgoings are around the same as ours and we are not struggling anywhere near the same. We have plenty for soft play trips, ice creams, etc. I am just returning from maternity leave where I earned SMP the whole time and it was right, but now I'm getting back to work we will be fine.

I agree that it's crap to need a second job but I don't understand why you need one? Even with other little things, where is £2000 a month going? That's a huge amount unaccounted for.

It was tight* that should have read!

But most families earn less than 80K.

@BarbaraofSeville yeah energy is low because DH tied us into a contract last year. I can't remember the exact details but it's meant that we haven't been impacted by the huge rises.

Yeah it's probably all the extra things which we've cut back on and stopped completely now.

The cars aren't paid for by finance. We took out bank loans for them as interest was cheaper and we wouldn't have to pay the lump sum at the end.

Have you considered online tutoring and exam marking? The tutoring would mean that your partner would have to child mind ( evenings). I do both and earn pre tax c. £1000 a month.

Perhaps it's budgeting that's the issue, not the actual money? Have you done a proper budget on Money Saving Expert or similar? Comb through your bank accounts and work out where all the money is going.