To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

@ToK1 …

What are you on about, I’m not angry at people who did their jobs.

I’m angry about people - who were very well protected and prioritised by the government through the pandemic - now having massive tantrums about the CoL and their lifestyle being disrupted.

They had enormous privilege through an extremely traumatic time and now they are whinging…. About needing money to go abroad, have day trips with the kids, buy cars, have fancy haircuts…

When large numbers of other people a short time ago had problems such as how do we keep the house or pay for food, and these people are struggling even more now….

I just don’t think the complaints are appropriate. OP is well off, but had an unplanned pregnancy and is mismanaging her money. There are a multitude of options open to her to resolve the situation.

That is different to someone who is genuinely struggling.

@drusillabee

As pp have said check out moneysavingexpert for the budget planner.

Get a joint account, if you don’t already, for paying bills/mortgage, any joint costs.

Have a separate account for the children where the child benefit goes and where you and DH equally contribute to their costs (following working out your budget). Costs to include clothing/shoes, toiletries, haircuts, Xmas, Bday presents/parties, days out etc (everything you can think of).

We worked out per DC under 5, excluding nursery fees, it was about £250 - £300 a month, so decided to contribute £100 per child per month each (now £120-150 with inflation and includes school clubs etc). This completely avoided arguments over who payed for what and ensured our personal money was not unfairly utilised.

It seems strange if you are paying equal for all costs when your DH is higher earner. Perhaps look at him contributing in proportion to his wage. Ie if his wage is 2/3 total income then he pays 2/3 bills.

Would suggest keeping the amount paid for kids equal though as this gives you autonomy over what it’s spent on without complaint.

Just looked up Teacher's maternity pay and I'm surprised it's so poor - is that for real?
*4 weeks at full pay, offset against payments made by way of SMP
• 2 weeks at 90% of salary, offset against payments made by way of SMP
• 12 weeks at 50% of salary (OMP) plus lower rate SMP
• 21 weeks at lower rate SMP

We are a small business and we are more generous than that - I had assumed teachers as give employees got at least 6 months on full pay!

Anyway op - your post leaves me feeling conflicted. I do remember when our twins were born - I couldn't go back to work - childcare costs in our London area were obscene and paying twice was totally unaffordable - but we are not the types to sit around and moan, dh earned a good salary but we certainly weren't flush with cash, you make choices - if we'd chosen nursery 2 mornings a week we'd have to make sacrifices elsewhere, we had no support from anyone, no relatives living close by - that's life and for quite a few years saving £500 a month was not going to be possible, it's frustrating but it's been said here countless times - increased salaries don't present the luxurious lifestyles people imagine, eating out is incredibly expensive. I know a Professor at a prestigious London Uni - her full-time job did not cover her childcare costs for her two kids - this is not a new problem caused by the cost of living crisis, families have been struggling with this for years.

You sound like someone who had imagined what life be like and it's not quite what you expected, you have two small kids and are only working 4 days a week in a Government job - that's the reality. I think your maternity pay is poor and I do think the Government need to subsidize childcare in some way but I think you need to be a bit more realistic about your situation. I'd suggest babysitting through a professional network if you need to make extra cash at the weekends.

Stop the whole separate accounts nonsense. At the moment, by your own admission, your husband has an unknown amount going onto his account and he tops up your account “if it goes into overdraft”. Are you paying fees on that? Ridiculous. One account and it’ll never go into overdraft and you’ll have the added bonus of knowing what your husband’s mystery salary is and how much his mystery loan payments are.

You can’t go online starting a thread about how tough it is and can’t afford this and that if you don’t even know what your husband earns or spends. You have no way of being able to budget.

No point having money in the savings account but paying high interest rates on loans. Pay them off. You will soon build the savings up again.

No point having money in the savings but only 6 quid to last till Tuesday in the current account. And telling your child they can’t have an ice cream. That’s cruel. You have plenty of money for ice cream. You just don’t want to spend it on your children, for some bizarre reason.

You haven’t been working for 10 years since you were 16. If you’re a teacher you didn’t leave school at 16. You left at 18 and then had some years of university. You may have worked weekends/evenings/holidays then but it wasn’t a full-time 40-hour a week job for 52 weeks of the year so don’t pretend it was. You’ve also had two rounds of maternity leave in that time so that’s at least another 18 months of not working. With 2 NHS pregnancies/births behind you, you’ve probably cost the taxpayer more than you’ve contributed so far.

The “free” nursery hours are not free. They are paid for by the taxpayer, many of whom are making less than you and are really struggling. Count your blessings.

And you teach maths? Good grief.

@Robinni

1 person (the op) is complaining. Which I'm not sure even has anything to do with the pandemic.

And I'm not sure how you've decided that people who weren't furloghed because their jobs were considered essential were 'well protected and prioritised'

They weren't protected at all. Quite the opposite.

Same^

@ToK1

It is not just one person complaining.

There are countless strikes on pay at the moment predominantly from people who suffered no financial issue over the course of the pandemic.

And from knowing quite a few people in this situation, they are saying they need "money to live" and by this they do not mean to pay for their home, food, utilities... but to pay for their second car, holidays and other such things - to maintain a very good lifestyle, that they are unwilling to compromise over.

Ordinarily I would be behind it, but considering the discriminatory prioritisation of these people financially during the pandemic, 20% off discounts that continue (as if they are students!), hero worship etc a matter of months ago.... and the impact increased wages will have in driving inflation much further upward, digging us all further into a cesspit of financial misery....

I really can't abide the timing of all this complaining.

Shit happens, suck it up and get on with it. Just like all those who lost 20% of their income, or their entire income, their business, their home etc. There was little to no public outcry over that.

As for me deciding that people who were essential were "well protected and prioritised" - I made perfectly clear in previous post that I was referring to FINANCIAL CIRCUMSTANCES.

Besides which - how many civil servants etc sat at home on Teams meetings, getting full pay, plus tax rebates on their home working needs, able to move to cheaper area whilst retaining the pay packet of a more expensive area.
The gov looked after its own.

Clearly illness/fatality was the bigger issue, but that is not what this thread is about. It's about money, and a very well off teacher and NHS worker who have sailed through the last few years unscathed moaning about not having money for ice cream.....

The reality is they have plenty of money, but have made a cock up over budgeting/prioritisation of funds.

@Robinni

So you think that people who continued to work through the pandemic and faced the risk the govt told other people they had to avoid, should be punished for that 3 years later because they got paid their wage for continuing to work?

Would you rather they were docked 20% as well?

How long should public sector workers have to wait before they can complain about the impact of austerity on their wages?

@ToK1

It’s two years ago that the second lockdown ended - March 2021 - and for those who are vulnerable/critically vulnerable it was quite a while after that normality returned.

Believe me the impact is still being felt by a lot of people, compacted by CoL increases.

I think it is fair public sector workers got full pay as they were working under stressful conditions and as per their contracts they should have been paid.

My issue is not with that - but with specific sectors not deemed essential being closed down, massive financial impacts on these people and their children being denied the opportunity of an education when essential workers kids were allowed to go to school.

As for timing of strikes, I think it would be more appropriate to wait until the economy stabilised and inflation calmed down. If all demands are met then you risk run away inflation and genuinely the situation will be a million times worse if this is allowed to happen.

Straight after a pandemic it’s in poor taste, and with a high inflation backdrop it’s likely to be detrimental in the long term.

@Robinni

None of these things are the fault of workers who weren't furloghed

People deserve a fair wage for their skill set and that is true regardless of how well the economy is functioning

Public sector workers striking for fair waged will not cause inflation to spiral

@ToK1

I agree it is not the fault of the workers in either case.

But I find it unfair the gov treats one group of people like shit and the other like royalty.

I just don’t have time to listen to complainants like OP who fail to see or acknowledge how much they have already had.

Only time will tell if an inflationary spiral occurs as it has done before due to strikes.

The op has done ok going by age and against parents in many cases

House and two dc after a few years as a teacher is pretty good

@Robinni

You think the govt treat public sector workers like royalty?

🤣🤣🤣

If there is an inflation spiral it will be caused by the govt mishandling the economy and very high earners

Not public sector workers

I have no time for the likes of the op either but it has nothing to do with the pandemic

OP (and OH) has savings, low outgoings, high income, owns a house and two cars - they don't have £6 until Tuesday - they have chosen to spend their money / save their money in a particular way that means that they may only have £6 in their purse, but they are far from broke.

@ToK1 by contrast to how people in retail, entertainment etc and the self employed were treated during the pandemic. Yes I do think essential workers and their families had the royal treatment in financial terms.

My point about OP is that she has had no financial insult over the last few years - by contrast to many people. She’s in a really good situation actually - if she managed her finances properly - and yet feels she has the right to moan. I find it repugnant.

Exactly. It's an insult to actual broke people for op to pretend she is broke

If OP has been earning since she was 16, maybe part of the issue is that she's never really had to budget?

Plenty of Band 8a roles are clinical: lead nurse, perfusion, physio, advanced nurse practitioners etc.
I’m one & get paid 8a bank if I worked beyond my hours.

OP - it will get better. There is a pay rise, back dated pay & a bonus coming to all on Agenda for Change contracts. Maybe together you can use this as a bit of a buffer going forwards

Yes I do think essential workers and their families had the royal treatment in financial terms

Royal treatment? To be paid their normal wages to go out to work and…work everyday? Like normal? When it was anything but normal?

@Robinni

You think being paid your normal wage for doing your job is being treated like royalty?

Jeezo

your husband been NHS clinical - could he use flexible working to request long shifts at night/ weekends

I work in the NHS and work a night shift mid week - i look after my children the following day after night shift with no sleep which is hard but that's how it is. I pre prepare meals and make it TV day (which i try not to feel bad about as it's once per week)

i also work 2-3 long shifts at the weekend e.g. Sat long day and sun long day

or fri - sun nights at the weekend. your husband may also get better enhancements for weekend work

This would leave you to do your teaching job mon - Fri 9-5

we don't use nurseries/ childcare. and we both work full time. we have no family help

We don't have much time together apart however that's the compromise we make and it's not forever

I do feel it's depressing and that motherhood is not valued. It will pay off though.

Why do people keep saying motherhood isn't valued?

What does that have to do with the op?

financial circumstances forcing a breastfeeding mother to be separated from her infant.

@Jadeyspade

I'm not sure how that links into valuing mother hood?

Can you only value motherhood if the mother breastfeeds?

The op could go back to work and keep bf.

I'm also not sure she is being forced back to work by finances either