To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

Firstly, £1200 per month for 2 children in nursery 3 days while expensive is pretty good. We spend 1k per month for 1 child 3.5days a week. If you DH is earning 50k he would be taking home 3k per month not £2.5k. You need to tutor privately to earn some extra money.

That sounds very difficult you should not have to get a second job

My dh earns 55 and is just shy of 3k so that’s not necessarily true. Although it’s definitely not a take home of 2.5 that’s more 45

@Quveas I didn’t once say the OP was near the bottom. She has recognised how lucky she is compared to many and has already said she was having a low moment. I just don’t understand why people have to pounce on her and claim they all had it much worse so how dare she worry. The “Oh I could only dream of a joint income of £80k back in my day” is such a ridiculous argument. Maybe back in their day they had no student loan, no ongoing costs of study, much lower childcare costs, could afford a house for a fraction of the cost we need to pay today (my parents bought a small 4-bed for £16k when they were our age!!) and public transport was more affordable…just to give some examples! If someone’s worrying about finances, even if you think it’s unwarranted, why are you so desperate to jump on a thread and make her feel even worse?

Also 80,000k today is the equivalent of about £35,000 in 2000. Which is mad.

I earn £49.5k and my take home is almost exactly £3k with a public sector pension but no student loan repayments.

For someone on £55k to be taking home under £3k they're either paying extra into a pension or paying for benefits like a company car. Or maybe your DH is like the OPs and keeping a bit extra aside for himself?

@drusillabee I feel for you! its so hard. I remember those early years, gosh ((

have you tried tutoring? I pay £30/ lesson for my kid's maths and English.

So yeah student loan here, plan 1, seen his payslip and he’s not squirrelling anything away. Student loan is £250, then there pension deductions, and tiered up health cover and protection. For the most part he takes home around 3 (maybe a few £ short)
OPs hubby could be doing something similar to mine.
i earn 40k and I get around 2.3/4.

@Nordicrain Really? Wow! That’s crazy!!

Also on the take-home salary part, both my husband and I have things come out of our pay which reduce our take home pay (excluding the obvious tax, NI, student loan etc we have things like payments for a car park badge, some professional registrations that are paid by our employers then we have to pay back etc). It may be that OP’s partner isn’t being honest about his take home pay, but it’s also possible there are additional payments that come out of his pay before landing in his account!

It definitely wasn’t in 1979, we had it really tough. Never had any expectations that there would be grandparents helping out let alone child care.

Science & Maths I’d definitely switch to tutoring. Your skills will be in demand. I know when dc didn’t have a physics teacher they wanted about £70 an hour.
I’d be at home in day no childcare and then tutor evenings and weekends.
In a few years you’ll be able to go back to school teaching if you want as it’s such in demand subject career break won’t be sn issue.

Really? This is her second child, nursery waiting lists are 18 months, a decent childminder 6. If you drop your days, you lose your place & you are back of the queue again. It's just not sustainable if you are going back to work. So she has two issues there - it's basically a rock and a hard place

@CinnamonSwirlGirl
We had no childcare (I worked alternate 12 hour nights in a nursing home), no sleeping in the day
didn’t own our own home (tenant farmer with dreadful rundown house, no CH or double glazing)
zero public transport and 25 minute walk to nearest infrequent bus stop
we went from one old banger to another didn’t have any holidays at all, perhaps one day at the seaside during the summer holidays
Not everyone had it easy Ffs 🤬

Not the point of the thread but just wondered with your bf child whether it's always you that's tried giving her a bottle?

Tip I remember reading when mine was little was that if you're bfing try getting someone else to give them a bottle. That way they're not smelling you / associating you with milk they normally get.

But kids are different in different settings so hopefully the baby will settle ok whether you can get them to take a bottle or not.
Hope things improve for you.

Hi,

See how you can cut back in terms of things. Do you have 2 cars? If so, can one be sold to a cheaper car that doesn’t cost as much to run. I have a 05 fiesta and it cost me 2k. Cheaper than a car on finance and it’s mine!

I feel you!! I am in exactly the same situation, currently on MAT leave with 6 month old twins I too am a teacher and our savings for these pair went on my MIL’s death. I’m going back 4 days a week (wanted 3 but childcare costs are ridiculous for twins!) luckily my oldest is in school. We are constantly dipping into savings whilst my mat pay has dwindled. Like you worked my arse of and get absolutely nothing back.

We are lucky to have savings (which we didn’t want to use for MAT leave but having too).

Makes me so cross we get nothing to help!!!

Hi!
I feel your pain! I’m also a part time teacher and trying to decide if I should go back in July and get paid for Summer or be skint and wait until after October 1/2 term. Me and DH both teachers with combined salary of about 65k and it’s tough! Our eldest is getting the 30 hours but we will have to pay wrap around care for her. If I go back early I’ll be worse off when I could be on statutory but overall a little better off for being paid for summer. In other jobs you would have your holidays to use to help you but we just lose ours!
My only advice is getting a term time only nursery. Saves us a bomb in the long run. Or ask your nursery if they are willing to take them term time only.

We are also a teacher/NHS couple on a fair bit less but we're out of the nursery stage now.
It's always awful going back to work but your LO will manage. When my eldest was little we went back at 3-4 months and with my other two it was 6-8 months, they were also BF and wouldn't take a bottle.
I get the resentment, I totally do, but you'll get by, it will be OK!

If you can't live on £80 then my heart bleeds for you.😂😂

OP, I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but there is a great budget planner spreadsheet on MSE that you can download. you enter all of your income and all of your expenses, including annual ones etc, and it gives you a monthly figure that you need to budget for.

You would need to have all bank statements, payslips etc, and your DH will need to be 100% open with you and vice versa, so that you can look at every single penny that goes in and out and if you can cut anything out or do anything cheaper.

You need to assess what is a necessity and what is a luxury.

mobile - essential, but can you get it cheaper?
tv package - luxury

packed lunch - essential
takeout coffee/lunch - luxury

work/day to day clothes - essential
clothes I want but don't actually need - luxury

If you can see each others spending, then you can see where the money is going and what each of you spend on luxuries and essentials. For example, it is no good him having a go at you buying the kids a treat if he is blowing money on takeout coffee or whatever his desire is.

and so on and so on, until you work out exactly what you need to live on, and where there can be some excess so that you can afford the odd treat etc.

I suggest as others do, one joint pool, but each of you get your own spending money/savings whenever there is any surplus.

you also do both need to accept that obviously things are going to get tighter going from a couple to 3 to 4 of you and that you won't have as much disposable income for a few years, but then hopefully it will improve.

Surprise child number 2 here as well. Childcare costs were a killer. I look back now and wonder how we ever made it through. Some of the “treats” (within reason obviously) went on 0% credit cards or balance transfers etc. knowing that once I was back and eldest got 3yo funding we could gradually pay it off. When family asked what we wanted for birthdays/Christmas it was generally stuff that would benefit all or days out etc. I lost some of my mat leave to both being premature and in hospital for first month or so.

it’s a really hard time and you muddle through but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there. So sorry you’re going through this xx

The title is wrong, we are making ends meet, just not enjoying the nicer things we used to. you can ask Mumsnet to edit it

If you are being frugal with shopping then maybe you need to stop little extras like Netflix or SKY? get a cheaper phone and tariff if on a contract? I have very little sympathy for you as there are people out there with a lot less who are managing.

I get my wages topped up and get approx £2200 a month total, my rent is £1250, council tax is £200... 3/4 of my income before I've even bought a loaf of bread. I work hard and always have, I'm also degree educated. Sorry OP I know everyone's struggles are valid etc but just be grateful for what you have. You won't be paying nursery fees forever.

I was the same OP. Had 2 toddlers and childcare fees were insane. I’ve taken a better job since but run a side business as a second job to make ends meet. Husband works full time too.