To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

I know a couple of people who are band 8 but do bank shifts partly for the money and also to keep their face to face clinical skills up (in mental health)

i find threads like this MN becomes a bit of a pile on as to telling the OP how they are living beyond their means, shouldn’t have had a second child, should downsize, get a lodger, eat lentils etc. But sometimes you just need to get it off your chest how unfair it is

What’s unfair about the OP’s situation? Her and her partner have a combined income of 80K and have no idea of all of their outgoings but clearly have a huge amount of disposable income, more than most. They’re also in steady jobs with nice perks and have already got on the housing ladder.

I was on the pill for my first child, second pill and condoms too. We have 4 kids. I know three people who were the same

Whoever wrote that, those don't sound like surprises they sound like you don't know how to use contraception properly.

Oh, so OP started a thread bemoaning her circumstances which are very fortunate in lots of ways.

And after getting that feedback and admitting they were used to saving £500 a month and not thinking about 'nice things' spending the idea she's presenting now is that her DH is abusing her financially?

Oh Mumsnet.

@watermeloncougar I'm not switching over anything. I've been very transparent about our outgoings and incomings.

I never even looked up the banding until someone mentioned it today.

I've also very openly taken responsibility for some of the wording I've used when describing my financial situation.

The problem when I made this thread was that I was feeling really low about considering working an extra job so that I could afford nice things for my kids. As mentioned previously too, the title is misleading.

@SunnyEgg I've been saving since I was 16. My mum bought her first house when she was 40 because as a single parent she couldn't afford to before that and I never wanted to end up in the same position. I had £8k in savings by the time I finished uni. I lived at home to save on living costs and worked my arse off outside of uni to make sure I could buy a house. Combined with DH deposit we were able to.

I don't know why I'm having to justify all of this and I don't know why I'm bothering tbh.

It doesn't matter HOW long someone has worked in the public or private sector. They should be paid fairly and pay rises need to be in line with inflation.

They don't get paid band 8 for the bank shift but paid band 7 as a senor manager. Its still good money..

This. I know plenty of people who earn far less than the OP and cope just fine.

Well you’ve drifted a fair bit from

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

Two dc and a home at 26 after a few years is loads. This would be a stretch for many professions

Dc worked at 16 too it’s not that unusual

People will give advice gladly but it seems a bit mixed in what’s going on

But you can afford nice things now without taking on a second job or going full-time.

@adrem thank you for your sound advice.

That does make more sense than what we are doing currently.

OP has posted all those numbers though and they don't add up.

@drusillabee well like I (and many others) have said, your issue seems to be budgeting as you have a good combined income. I don't see the need to work a second job - particularly as you're not even full time in your profession; surely it would make more sense to go full time if necessary rather than do something lower paid?

You are homeowners. You've had longer mat leaves than many of us in our 50s could ever dream of, and in the Autumn, 30 hours a week for your eldest child will be free!

You're a science and maths teacher- you have the option of topping up your income with online tuition at the drop of a hat.

Really, I think you'll feel happier focussing on the positives rather than bemoaning going back to work after 8 months leave.

Surely that is why OP has started a thread to ask advice on how do they do that.
OP is now in uncharted territory .
She just wants sound advice

@SunnyEgg I said I was sad because I've literally run out of savings and have £6 in my bank account which is what I meant by nothing to show for it.

I've said this 100 times already but on reflection is was a clumsy comment made when I was feeling v emotional!

I'm not saying it's unusual to work at 16 but no one can seem to understand how I'm a homeowner with 2 kids at my age so I explained it!

@otherusername @HelloShitty123

So not a band 8 then.

As I said in our trust the most you will get is a band 6.

And if you do a band 5 role, you get a band 5

I also wouldn't worry too much about savings right now either.
Looking at your initial financials, you could go SIM only on mobiles, water meter will halve your bill - I think others have already suggested that.
Our nursery bill was about £800 per month with as much coming out of childcare vouchers as possible. Our mortgage was higher but council tax about £50 less per month. Overall you have more income than we did with twins so if your DH is more transparent with his salary, you should be okay - it is a tough few years but it will work out

drusillabee OP you're getting a really hardtime but I totally understand where you're coming from and your feelings are justified and real.

It's another MN race to the bottom thread.

OP YAB a bit U because the point where you're paying for childcare is bad. Plus you're very young so have higher mortgage payments/ less equity than you could have chosen a few years down the line/ less reserves. As long as you don't have any more kids your financial situation will be completely different in 5 years.

The teacher Mat pay is only really statutory though unless it's changed - the 50% for 6 months only just about covers the holiday pay that they are legally entitled to.

Also I don't think my husband is 'abusing' me financially.

We have been married for 6 years and finances have never been an issue.

Ok so this is my last post because I can't be bothered justifying things where people don't understand.

I've got what I needed from this thread, even if it was just to count my blessings. Sometimes we all need a little reality check.

@adrem thank you again for the point on everything being joint! It sounds like common sense but when things have been fine for a while, you don't think to make such changes!

Are you both mid 20s?

And your oh is in a senior management position already?

Glad you've seen how lucky you both are

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so low OP. I’m also sorry that so many posters feel the need to bash you when you’re down 😞. It really is a race to the bottom on this site!

We’re in a similar position to you OP, although we had 3 close together so have had a longer stint of the crazy nursery fees. We’ve had our fair share of “well you shouldn’t have had 3” comments when we’ve voiced concerns about our finances. It’s so narrow minded 😞. We’re also public sector workers so have seen our pay drop year on year 😞. All I would say is it DOES get better once the funded hours kick in. Also, please don’t quit teaching as one of the many things this country needs is dedicated, enthusiastic, hard working teachers! It would be such a shame if this pushes you out of work. Not to mention that while you’re working you will be paying into a pension, keeping yourself in the job market etc as you never know when something may happen to your partner / their earnings suddenly reduce etc. So, although it’s hard, keep your teeth gritted and remember this won’t last long in the overall scheme of things. Just see if there are any ways you haven’t thought about that could bring your expenses down (e.g. would nursery offer a sibling discount? Can you put the kids in term-time only etc). Sorry if these are things you’ve already mentioned - I’ve only read a few pages.

OP so you've run out of money and have no savings, but what about your DH?

Does he have any money in his current account and does he have any savings?

You should have the same amount of spending money and joint costs should come out of joint money.

You say he's having a go at you for spending from the joint account. What did you spend the money on and was it needs or wants? Are you just struggling with the increased cost of most essentials, or are you buying unnecessary things, eg nice clothes for DC when they already have loads.

There's more than one reason that you're in this position so you need to work out what this is. Eg is your DH tending towards financial abuse? Are you overspending? A combination of both? Something else?

No, OP was whining that she she should be paid more for her teaching job and that she can’t afford ‘nice things’ despite a family income of 80K and a decent amount of disposable income, which there would be more of if she and her partner re-prioritised some of their outgoings.

Don't want to sound harsh, but think the issue is to have had two children close together, just five years into your official working life (not sure you can really consider part-time school / uni work in that category). Nowadays, very few people would be in your position so young, and with good salaries.

And it's not helping you short-term but you will have grown-up children and potentially be mortgage-free in your mid to late 40s.

A lot of the much-maligned 'Boomer' generation, would have struggled similarly in their early years of marriage, with close-together children (possibly as many as three or four!), but living with fewer material trappings of success.

You haven't complained about public sector pay. You complained about having a combined income of 80k a year public sector pay and having to spend too much on childcare so with your second child, you had to think about your spending for the first time.

And maybe not save £500 a month and not have to think about your spending.

They're different things to the public sector worker pay increase movement.

You're really contributing to the idea that teachers and nurses and other public sector workers are earning well and can own homes in their 20s, have 2 cars and 2 kids and get pissed off that they can no longer save £500 a month and have to think about what they spend on non-essential items.

You're the example that the anti-public sector strike movement is living for in a cost of living crisis.