To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

This is a good post and I'd hold on to this thought OP. It's a completely shit time but you're staying in your career, continuing to build up your pension and prepare for your future. The childcare is killing you now but it will get better and both you and your children will benefit from you staying in work when they're older. If I read your post correctly then you're around 26? That's so young and I think you're doing amazing to have your own house and be raising 2 young children. I'm sure you'll have much better times ahead of you.

It always makes me sad to read on here how badly paid teachers and nurses are in the UK. If you can hold on to the 4 day week then I would, I dropped a few days a month after my first maternity leave and it's really improved my work life balance. I think I would sooner be broke for a few years rather than take on a second weekend job but you'll know what's best for you.

I was sucked in for a bit here but then see you have 500 a month for savings while on extended maternity

I call BS!!

I was back at work when both of my children were six months as to pay for nice things to have to earn it (full time)

looking for pity when you a saving a full grand W every two months Is disgusting

"You should have planned not to have two at the same time needing childcare."

Jesus wept. 🙄

I don't want to sound harsh op but when my children were very little we couldn't afford to save any money at all after paying the mortgage, bills and food. If we went on holiday it was camping or £9.50 sun holidays. It gets easier as they get older and now we save money and go on holiday abroad etc... we earn ALOT less than you btw. Things will get easier. £1200 childcare would be a big expense for anyone - once that goes you should be living pretty comfortably in my opinion looking at your income and expenditure.

@drusillabee, I feel your pain at having to go back from Mat leave before you wanted to and especially as your baby is exclusively breast fed and won't take a cup. I suppose you will just have to keep offering a cup of breast milk in the hope she will drink it. I sense how frustrating you find it when you give your absolute all to teaching and don't feel appreciated by the government. Just remember the pupils you teach do appreciate you. I was a teacher for almost 25 years but I burned out and left when I was 54. I'm still a Foster Carer to one child who is now 16 but just could not do both anymore and given I had to choose my Foster Child was always going to win. I do miss teaching though. You say you work 4 days, instead of getting an evening or weekend job why not just teach full time? It would help your pension too. Or I suppose you could do some tutoring instead of an extra day at school.

What’s wrong with saying the problem is that they have two children needing childcare at the same time when it’s the truth?

Teachers I know that are having children are deliberately spacing them out so they don’t have to pay for two lots of childcare at the same time. It’s completely normal. We are very lucky that we have free family planning services in this country so if people choose not to use them and then find they’re struggling financially because of childcare costs then it’s unfortunate but it’s no one else’s fault.

It makes more sense for me to work a weekend day where DH can be home with the kids. Unfortunately I can't just do that in my teaching job as there aren't any kids to teach on a weekend

Surely there would be tutoring though that you could take up for the extra 1-2 days per week?

In all honesty double childcare is a killer and has been for a long time. I know people with teens now who accumulated debt during that period. It will get better though and in a few years time you’ll be glad you kept your career open.

Your nursery also sounds quite reasonable for its day rate. Ours is now at £80 and I’ve heard of some of £100 a day which is quite frankly terrifying.

Can't find the post now but DH isn't on £3.3k. It's 2.5k. Maybe I got his yearly salary wrong but he was talking about hitting 50k and having to pay tax on CB.

I honestly have no idea about how much pension he pays. I guess it's just the standard for a band 8 NHS role?

Also, I'm not saying that I deserve certain things because I'm public sector. Everyone regardless of whether they are public or private deserve to be compensated fairly for the work that they do.

Anyways things I've learned from this thread:

• we are in an extremely fortunate position and I need to count my lucky stars.
• this situation is very temporary, and I need to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.
• we need to go through our finances with a fine tooth comb and reprioritise where our money is going.

This thread wasn't supposed to be goady or make anyone feel rubbish about their own financial situations. The title is wrong, we are making ends meet, just not enjoying the nicer things we used to.

I was looking at weekend jobs last night and just got a bit emotional about having to work weekends so that I can do more things with the kids that aren't just libraries and parks, hence the motivation for this thread.

If anyone has any tips about getting into tutoring please DM me. I teach Science & Maths.

Sorry, not meaning to be insensitive but the reality is these years are absolute shit, completely warfare in trenches stuff. DH and I had degrees and I was a wanna be consultant level at the time of ours at that stage. We both worked and cared for the kids to avoid childcare costs by working different shifts/days and for us that often meant 2-3hrs sleep with jobs entailing ‘life in your hands’ literally. So working 7 days but with sled would have been a luxury. You can do ‘shouldn’t be the case’ till the cows come home, but that’s the reality at this stage. Again, it’s just absolutely shit, warfare in trenches stuff but only lasts until they are in school, then you get to start and raise your head from the quagmire and life slowly begins to look up.

@ToK1

How many NHS workers do you know?

And how many people furloughed?

For the former, I know several who worked in covid wards - this was awful. For the rest I have personally known, operations were cancelled, admissions lessoned, some said they were bored. Others were apologetic that their lives had not changed one iota in terms of routine, except for not being able to socialise as they normally would - they still saw their family as much but in the park.

Out of the furloughed/self employed lot, the issues were generally can’t buy a house or afford our house anymore, can’t have a child right now, can’t afford a holiday, can’t afford food, I’ve lost my XYZ, one topped himself because he was self employed and suddenly had no income with 4 kids and a mountain of bills…

It’s one thing people going to do their job that they voluntarily signed up to - knowing that terrorism, pandemics, other crisis situations exist.

And another with group of people who did not expect that the gov would prevent them from working in the sector they are qualified for and discriminate against them and their children.

It was a horrendous situation and I’m taking into account only the financial blows here - obviously the human cost in terms of illness/loss of life is worse.

My point is, listening to people around me now, including OP, who have not seen or acknowledged the damage done to essentially working class people, while they sat in their ivory towers protected, moan on and on about CoL and not being able to afford so many cappuccinos….

It’s a bit tone deaf and gratuitous.

A lot of people have been absolutely slaughtered financially since 2020 and now there is CoL on top of it. If they haven’t lost their homes already, they probably will now.

OP has been and continues to be quite well off.

Yes it’s tough. One works the other hands over as they walk in to start. No 30 free hours back when we did it.

It’s full on. You just have to see that others have it tough too and wait for it to get easier financially

Can't find the post now but DH isn't on £3.3k. It's 2.5k. Maybe I got his yearly salary wrong but he was talking about hitting 50k and having to pay tax on CB.

I find it quite hard to believe that after 11 pages you've suddenly realises that your DH only takes home 2.5k.

That amongst other things is clearly part of your problem. You have no idea what you actually earn, you have a loan you don't know how much it even is.
Get a handle on your finances.

"What’s wrong with saying the problem is that they have two children needing childcare at the same time when it’s the truth?"

The problem is not stating the obvious fact that two children in nursery is expensive; it's the judgment and criticism of the OP for having two so close together. If people had bothered to read the thread, then they would know that the OP's second child was unexpected, presumably unplanned i.e. a contraceptive fail.

Whilst not being in a position to comment on her financial situation, I have also been in her position - in my case second child born 16 months after first - so am eye rolling at the ignorance of people who somehow cannot manage to get it into their heads that contraception, yes, correctly used contraception, can and does fail sometimes.

But yeah, some seriously cuntish attitudes here, on what is supposedly a parenting site.

Therr are a lot of accidental pregnancies here on MN.

OP I'm not sure why you have no idea what your DH earns. This seems fundamental to budgeting surely?

You are now saying his take home is £2.5k but if he is a Band 8 even if he is the lowest point in the scale of a Band 8a he is taking home over £400 a month more than this? And that's without the occasional weekend overtime.

@SunnyEgg we were the same during those years. No free hours childcare at all. It was grim. And the period of paying full childcare was literally about twice as long as it is now. A lot of mums take 9 months or a year off, and then the free hours kick in at age 3 so it's only 2 years you're paying full whack. Our eldest dc is a September baby so not good planning from the financial point of view... we paid full childcare from when she was 12 weeks until she started school, a week before her 5th birthday!

Count your blessings OP. I missed the bit about you being 26, so you must have had your first child at 23 and you're homeowners! Quite frankly, in an era when a lot of people are still living with their parents at that age, you're doing well.

Btw it's incredibly easy to find additional tutoring now. Just google! There are tons of jobs and a lot can be done online. As a science specialist you'll be in demand. A couple of tutees a week will give you plenty of money for those extras. I still do a bit of tutoring and charge £40 per hour, and £45 for A level which is a nice little extra. There's also exam marking you could look at for the future too

It's not "cuntish" to point out that if you choose to have two children close together that will - temporarily - mean tightening your belt. I am a high earner, I had my two spaced apart taking childcare fees in mind, and I still had to tighten my belt. That's just lift.

OP has acknowledged she is making ends meet, and I think really taken the feedback on quite well and without getting defensive.

Band 8 NHS gross salary is anything from £51-£96k per annum.

@drusillabee

The minimum your oh can be earning as a band 8 is 50k (in england) so something doesn't add up there

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it

A whole 10 years, wow

The childcare years are shit, but honestly, once they're behind you the benefits of having kept working are well worth it.

It sounds like you've realised you have a budgeting issue rather than an income problem anyway, so good luck.

As an aside, maybe it's because I grew up without a pot to piss in, but I'm regularly surprised by the amount of people on here who really have no clue about their own finances.

Contraception failed for me too but if that left me in a position where I was struggling to pay for my family’s needs, I would recognise that that was where I’d gone wrong instead of blaming CoL and anything else.

I have reread your posts. Sounds like you habea reasinable income and your bills are relatively small. Things might tight for a couple of years while you are paying out two lots of childcare. But it wont be for very long.

@Robinni

I work for the nhs.

I know lots of people who worked through covid

Worked being the operative word

Fwiw, I didnt agree with lockdowns and agree they were more harmful than covid but you cant be angry at people who just did there jobs

Lockdowns were the choice of the govt.

Oh I think I need to have a frank chat with DH then.

We both pay into a joint account and all the household bills go from there.

Our personal loans, cars etc go out from our individual accounts.

He told me he gets c2.5k but we had a conversation last week about having to pay tax on CB.

Maybe he's downplaying what comes into his account. He wouldn't keep money from me as I spend how I please from the joint account when it comes to the kids and he tops it up if we go into overdraft.