Page 11 | what a surprise..it has started!

momager1 · 2023-05-25T19:52:41+00:00

long story, short. husband and I took early retirement and sold our home in Canada. 7 weeks ago we moved to a condo that we had purchased previously (for our retirement) In Dominican Republic. 3 min walk to gorgeous bavaro beach, lots of quirky little eateries, Small condo complex but upscale with two large pools and 2 bbq gazebos with included gas bbqs and dining tables for the owners to use. SURPRISE. 3 couples that we have not had alot of socializing with have all sent messages this week. 1 looking to stay a week in august, 1 a week in October, and the other couple want to bring their two kids over CHRISTMAS!! I need to figure out a good response to them all. I did want to message back FUCK OFF but my husband thought it was a bit harsh haha. Couple one have always been good hosts as have we on the rare occasion that we have been in each others house ( and good dinner guests, including asking what they can bring and when i say nothing, they showed up with flowers and two bottles of wine as they didn't know what i was cooking, so a red and a white) Couple Two. had them over for a bbq once. nice enough people that lived in our culdesac, but showed up empty handed and then asked for some of the leftovers as she didn't have time to make anything for their packed lunches the next day (it was a lunch bbq over at 5 pm) Couple three. JUST NO. In the message they sent they said that they know it is just two bedrooms two baths, but the kids could sleep in the livingroom and share THEIR bathroom. And they were so looking forward to my cooking for the week as they are not in a position to eat out much !! ( I am a NOW RETIRED restaurant owning chef. NO NOPE NOPITY NOPE. So. How do I word my messages back to them that does not include FUCK OFF ?

soggydigestives · 26/05/2023 12:06

Who on earth do couple 3 think they are?! Omg I'd seriously block them and never bother with them again. What is wrong with people?! Enjoy your retirement, I'm not jealous in the slightest!😁

bringincrazyback · 26/05/2023 12:07

This trend for blocking anybody one doesn't happen to feel like talking to is so depressing. Have we really all become so spineless?

That said... YANBU OP, the first couple don't sound so bad but the others are just CFs, the ones with the kids breathtakingly so!

Wheresthebeach · 26/05/2023 12:07

Seeing as you’ll Never want to have anything to do with them again I’d go for something like ‘Well that was daft, hope you sort a nice alternative out for the kids. Our answer is still no.’

Hottoffeesauce · 26/05/2023 12:08

You don't need to make any excuses! Just say no or ignore them! Can't believe people are so brazen!

Verv · 26/05/2023 12:08

"The fact that you made promises to your children that you are unable to keep without my financial support is not my issue to resolve.
I have retired. I am no longer a chef, neither am I a hotel, and I've never been somebody else's bank."

Then block.

Chickenkeev · 26/05/2023 12:10

Verv · 26/05/2023 12:08

"The fact that you made promises to your children that you are unable to keep without my financial support is not my issue to resolve.
I have retired. I am no longer a chef, neither am I a hotel, and I've never been somebody else's bank."

Then block.

That's a perfect response. The absolute neck of them like!

EdieLedwell · 26/05/2023 12:12

Verv · 26/05/2023 12:08

"The fact that you made promises to your children that you are unable to keep without my financial support is not my issue to resolve.
I have retired. I am no longer a chef, neither am I a hotel, and I've never been somebody else's bank."

Then block.

This is perfection 👌

Stellawella · 26/05/2023 12:12

I’d just respond with something like

Silly of you to discuss such plans with your children without having firm plans in place. We cannot accommodate you and no is our final answer.

Dedodee · 26/05/2023 12:14

Verv · 26/05/2023 12:08

"The fact that you made promises to your children that you are unable to keep without my financial support is not my issue to resolve.
I have retired. I am no longer a chef, neither am I a hotel, and I've never been somebody else's bank."

Then block.

Absolutely.

L0bstersLass · 26/05/2023 12:17

Verv · 26/05/2023 12:08

"The fact that you made promises to your children that you are unable to keep without my financial support is not my issue to resolve.
I have retired. I am no longer a chef, neither am I a hotel, and I've never been somebody else's bank."

Then block.

Excellent! I would prefix this with @Lougle's opening sentence of "Oh dear, that will be awkward for you to explain"

Job done.

IHateLegDay · 26/05/2023 12:20

Omg CF level 1000

"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"

PinkShoelacesAandAPolkaDotVest · 26/05/2023 12:22

Dear CFs #3

We don’t understand why you would promise something so big to your children without having checked with us first.

However, now that you don’t have to spend money on the flights, you will be able to get them something really special to make up for your lack of foresight.

Regards.

Happy ‘Can’t Guilt Trip Us’ Retirees

Fraaahnces · 26/05/2023 12:22

Dear couple no3,
Well that was dumb, wasn’t it? I bet you feel terribly guilty for getting the kids hopes up like that before checking to see if your plans suited us! Maybe you’ll think twice before making plans and shooting off at the mouth without checking all your facts. I hope they enjoy whatever presents they DO get this year.
I’m off to walk the dogs on the beach and then maybe have a mojito. Tarah!

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 26/05/2023 12:31

momager1 · 26/05/2023 11:30

two messages . couple number one , were completely understanding, and said that they don't want to be an imposition. They had already been planning a trip to DR for their big anniversary this year and then asked me if I could recommend any good adult only hotel. They also said we could meet on the beach for a margarita. So if they do come they will get a dinner invite! Second message is from #3. OH BOY. Not happy with me. apparently they already told the kids and they cannot afford a hotel, just the flights (which supposedly were the kids WHOLE christmas gift as they cannot afford gifts and flights) She asked me to reconsider as I was massively letting down the children (9 yrs and 11yrs old) Said she already has spent hours researching the area and there are so many beaches the kids want to snorkle at , and there is a new theme park called Katmandu that they promised the kids they could go to as their one big treat here. Katmandu is a 5 minute drive or 30 min walk from my house but she wouldn't know that lol. So oh wise ones. What shall I reply before I block her ass?

What is this weirdness with people promising their children holidays before they have confirmed it and then trying to use that to guilt people into getting frrr holidays. I’ve seen this a few times recently using the we’ve already told the kids and they are excited excuse lol

Original poster

momager1 · 26/05/2023 12:32

@Verv that is perfect. Thank you. Sending it now. These people are not even friends. They are guests from my restaurant. they have been coming for 15 years once a week (ya...no money right?) of course we have been very friendly with them, that is part of the hospitality industry. Sometimes guests feel that because they are regulars and know the owner by name, maybe been to a couple of events that the owner was also at and chatted, it elevates you to friend status. No it does not. I know they are cheapskates as before kids they always came saturday nights, still do if they have a babysitter that weekend. Other times it is always Monday night and they kick up a fuss each time now as their eldest is past the kids eat free on monday age limit. They try it on with the server every week nearly, and then when told no they just get an extra plate and share some of theirs with the eldest child. They had my phone number only at christmas past as the husband volunteered to be a driver. Every Christmas day, restaurant is closed but we put on "not home alone" for seniors living alone and picked up those who couldn't drive. We put on a big Turkey dinner and served them all. Everything was volunteer. I cooked the whole thing myself and then had a few helpers in the kitchen plating and a couple of servers running it to tables. Alot of the volunteers were are regular guests. So that is how they had my number. They realized I did not have canadian service anymore so they whatsapped me!! Off to send verv's message. Still want to add fuck off at the end but will take the high road.

OP posts:

Meeting · 26/05/2023 12:32

Having thought about it, I'd lose my shit on them and ask who the fuck they think they are. Announcing their visit over CHRISTMAS like they're the royal fucking family and expecting the be catered to and chauffered around.

Hopefully they'll tell other potential CFs and put them off asking.

Katiesaidthat · 26/05/2023 12:33

Well, my mum got the same from some cf cousins of hers when she married and moved to Spain, about ALL the free holidays they would get. Fell on stony, frozen ground. Never happened. Ignore. Perhaps only the 1st couple, the second just inform that you are not hosting any more and the third you send a laughing emoji with a PPs comment of "Well, that will be awkward for you to explain" and block.

SooninBrisbane · 26/05/2023 12:33

Fraaahnces · 26/05/2023 12:22

Dear couple no3,
Well that was dumb, wasn’t it? I bet you feel terribly guilty for getting the kids hopes up like that before checking to see if your plans suited us! Maybe you’ll think twice before making plans and shooting off at the mouth without checking all your facts. I hope they enjoy whatever presents they DO get this year.
I’m off to walk the dogs on the beach and then maybe have a mojito. Tarah!

Absolutely no need for the dumb or shooting off at the mouth comments. I'd go with Verv's response

MinnieGirl · 26/05/2023 12:36

I wouldn’t block them but I wouldn’t be so quick to answer any further messages. Call me nosy 😂but I would be interested to see what they had to say… and you don’t have to answer them!

Rosscameasdoody · 26/05/2023 12:36

momager1 · 26/05/2023 11:30

two messages . couple number one , were completely understanding, and said that they don't want to be an imposition. They had already been planning a trip to DR for their big anniversary this year and then asked me if I could recommend any good adult only hotel. They also said we could meet on the beach for a margarita. So if they do come they will get a dinner invite! Second message is from #3. OH BOY. Not happy with me. apparently they already told the kids and they cannot afford a hotel, just the flights (which supposedly were the kids WHOLE christmas gift as they cannot afford gifts and flights) She asked me to reconsider as I was massively letting down the children (9 yrs and 11yrs old) Said she already has spent hours researching the area and there are so many beaches the kids want to snorkle at , and there is a new theme park called Katmandu that they promised the kids they could go to as their one big treat here. Katmandu is a 5 minute drive or 30 min walk from my house but she wouldn't know that lol. So oh wise ones. What shall I reply before I block her ass?

This is taking CFery to new heights isn’t it ? It’s sad, but I think you have to recognise that if they view your friendship in these terms, then it’s a lost cause because your entirely reasonable refusal to allow your retirement home to be used for freebie holidays will always be the elephant in the room. I think the reasonable and logical thing to do would be to just block them and chalk it up to experience.

That said, I think I would be tempted to reply saying that they essentially promised the children a Christmas holiday at your expense, to the point where they even researched venues they wanted to visit, without even having the courtesy to check that a) you had no Christmas plans of your own, and b) you were happy to host. Tell them you have family plans of your own for Christmas, and as you’ve already explained this is your home, not a free hotel, and you have no intention of allowing it to be treated as such, so they will have to deal with the fallout when they tell the children that it won’t be happening. I’d restate that you’re happy to suggest local accommodation and meet up for drinks etc, if they decide to book their own accommodation. Beyond that, no deal.

Original poster

momager1 · 26/05/2023 12:39

I think part of the reason that they thought we would be "free" (pun intended) at Christmas , Is they asked my daughter if she would be seeing us for Christmas. She told them that as the restaurant is so busy over Christmas, we would be doing our Christmas in January. So they knew that we would be down here without family for Christmas week.

OP posts:

Thebigblueballoon · 26/05/2023 12:41

momager1 · 26/05/2023 12:32

@Verv that is perfect. Thank you. Sending it now. These people are not even friends. They are guests from my restaurant. they have been coming for 15 years once a week (ya...no money right?) of course we have been very friendly with them, that is part of the hospitality industry. Sometimes guests feel that because they are regulars and know the owner by name, maybe been to a couple of events that the owner was also at and chatted, it elevates you to friend status. No it does not. I know they are cheapskates as before kids they always came saturday nights, still do if they have a babysitter that weekend. Other times it is always Monday night and they kick up a fuss each time now as their eldest is past the kids eat free on monday age limit. They try it on with the server every week nearly, and then when told no they just get an extra plate and share some of theirs with the eldest child. They had my phone number only at christmas past as the husband volunteered to be a driver. Every Christmas day, restaurant is closed but we put on "not home alone" for seniors living alone and picked up those who couldn't drive. We put on a big Turkey dinner and served them all. Everything was volunteer. I cooked the whole thing myself and then had a few helpers in the kitchen plating and a couple of servers running it to tables. Alot of the volunteers were are regular guests. So that is how they had my number. They realized I did not have canadian service anymore so they whatsapped me!! Off to send verv's message. Still want to add fuck off at the end but will take the high road.

I’m willing to bet they come back to you with:

”We spent X in your restaurant over the years and were loyal customers!!!”

And/Or

”We can visit at another time apart from Christmas? We can give you some money for food, blah blah blah”

viques · 26/05/2023 12:42

Dear couple number three

Sorry, perhaps I didn’t make it clear, when we retired we retired from all our jobs. Including being Santas Elves. I suggest you contact Santa directly if you want him to fund a free holiday for your children.

Rosscameasdoody · 26/05/2023 12:45

Thebigblueballoon · 26/05/2023 12:41

I’m willing to bet they come back to you with:

”We spent X in your restaurant over the years and were loyal customers!!!”

And/Or

”We can visit at another time apart from Christmas? We can give you some money for food, blah blah blah”

Show quote history

I think you’re probably right. And at that point, blocking becomes inevitable because it’s clear they’ll persist whatever you say.

Wheresthebeach · 26/05/2023 12:47

I’m surprised they haven’t said ‘but we’ve booked the flights’