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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what a surprise..it has started!

598 replies

momager1 · 25/05/2023 20:52

long story, short.
husband and I took early retirement and sold our home in Canada. 7 weeks ago we moved to a condo that we had purchased previously (for our retirement) In Dominican Republic. 3 min walk to gorgeous bavaro beach, lots of quirky little eateries, Small condo complex but upscale with two large pools and 2 bbq gazebos with included gas bbqs and dining tables for the owners to use. SURPRISE. 3 couples that we have not had alot of socializing with have all sent messages this week. 1 looking to stay a week in august, 1 a week in October, and the other couple want to bring their two kids over CHRISTMAS!! I need to figure out a good response to them all. I did want to message back FUCK OFF but my husband thought it was a bit harsh haha. Couple one have always been good hosts as have we on the rare occasion that we have been in each others house ( and good dinner guests, including asking what they can bring and when i say nothing, they showed up with flowers and two bottles of wine as they didn't know what i was cooking, so a red and a white) Couple Two. had them over for a bbq once. nice enough people that lived in our culdesac, but showed up empty handed and then asked for some of the leftovers as she didn't have time to make anything for their packed lunches the next day (it was a lunch bbq over at 5 pm) Couple three. JUST NO. In the message they sent they said that they know it is just two bedrooms two baths, but the kids could sleep in the livingroom and share THEIR bathroom. And they were so looking forward to my cooking for the week as they are not in a position to eat out much !! ( I am a NOW RETIRED restaurant owning chef. NO NOPE NOPITY NOPE.
So. How do I word my messages back to them that does not include FUCK OFF ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Filamumof9 · 26/05/2023 11:38

I would tell them to stop making promises to the children of they cannot keep the promise and that they should have consulted you first before starting to make those promotes. The onerus is on them and no means no.

Chimneypotblues · 26/05/2023 11:38

They'd already told their kids???!! Wow... Just .. wow... I'd love to help with a reply but I'm completely speechless! Can't believe there's actually people like that out there!

myBumJuiceSmellsLikeRoses · 26/05/2023 11:38

For no.3 "Fuck off you cheeky mare" should do it.

Eddielizzard · 26/05/2023 11:39

How well do you know these CF's that they could pull such massive emotional blackmail on you? The entitlement is astonishing.

'Why do you think I should fund your holiday?'

IsAinmDummm · 26/05/2023 11:39

No response is a response, don't even bother replying.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 26/05/2023 11:40

"Hi CF #3, thanks for your message but our decision is final"

Block

ShandaLear · 26/05/2023 11:40

DrDavidStarKey · 26/05/2023 10:06

I've only been to Ireland twice and had Tayto both times. Quite honestly, I would do pretty much anything for a box of Tayto.

Show quote history

To be fair, they are the crack cocaine of crisps.

imaginationhasfailedme · 26/05/2023 11:41

"it seems like you assumed you'd be staying here but that's not at all possible and I don't think I'm going to be taking responsibility for any disappointment caused. This is our home and we'll be in it. We live here."

AlisonDonut · 26/05/2023 11:42

Hi.

Erm, I don't know what to say, whatever made you think that we would want to host another family whilst our own is in a hotel? We live here, it is not a holiday home that is available for anyone to use for free. Please see Mumsnet for additional feedback.

Stravaig · 26/05/2023 11:45

Ah, Couple 1 sound like keepers. It's nice when you can transition the best parts of an old life into a new one.

Couple 3, 🤯! Too dumbfounded for any withering comebacks, but definitely sign off with 'Don't ever contact us again.'

Thebigblueballoon · 26/05/2023 11:47

momager1 · 26/05/2023 11:30

two messages . couple number one , were completely understanding, and said that they don't want to be an imposition. They had already been planning a trip to DR for their big anniversary this year and then asked me if I could recommend any good adult only hotel. They also said we could meet on the beach for a margarita. So if they do come they will get a dinner invite! Second message is from #3. OH BOY. Not happy with me. apparently they already told the kids and they cannot afford a hotel, just the flights (which supposedly were the kids WHOLE christmas gift as they cannot afford gifts and flights) She asked me to reconsider as I was massively letting down the children (9 yrs and 11yrs old) Said she already has spent hours researching the area and there are so many beaches the kids want to snorkle at , and there is a new theme park called Katmandu that they promised the kids they could go to as their one big treat here. Katmandu is a 5 minute drive or 30 min walk from my house but she wouldn't know that lol. So oh wise ones. What shall I reply before I block her ass?

WTF. Not only are they cheeky fuckers of the highest order, they’re also bloody stupid if they thought to tell their kids before you agreed to host them!! And they think it’s acceptable to ask for this over Christmas, to boot?! What a pair of honking imbeciles.
Tell them to book their own holiday and you’ll perhaps host them one night, if you’re free. And DO NOT be free.

Strugglingtodomybest · 26/05/2023 11:48

I'd reply with "Oh dear, nevermind".

Habreathmint · 26/05/2023 11:48

The cf-ery of 3 is astonishing. They're the type that would just turn up on the doorstep, so I hope they have no idea where you live. I hope you blast them with the truth about what twats they are before you block!

SunnySideDownBriefly · 26/05/2023 11:51

Oh wow, they really are major CFs and are laying on the full guilt trip.

I think you should just repeat yourself again and tell them it isn't something that you will give any further consideration to. Her children are her responsibility and if they are disappointed then it is because she has promised them something that is not hers to give. Then state that this is your last word on the matter.

And...I wouldn't block as she seems persistent and if you block her then you won't know what she is up to and she won't know you haven't received her emails as blocking doesn't give them a bounceback. You can see her reply but don't reply ever again! The subject is closed for you!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/05/2023 11:51

I’m sorry for your children that you made promises on behalf of the other people without first asking those other people. At Christmas, our focus is on our family, as yours is on yours. We cannot host you.

beanii · 26/05/2023 11:52

'lovely to hear from you, sorry this is our home so we don't have guests staying but if you book elsewhere we would love to meet for lunch one day'

If they don't get the hint then the blunt approach 😁

mycoffeecup · 26/05/2023 11:54

momager1 · 26/05/2023 11:30

two messages . couple number one , were completely understanding, and said that they don't want to be an imposition. They had already been planning a trip to DR for their big anniversary this year and then asked me if I could recommend any good adult only hotel. They also said we could meet on the beach for a margarita. So if they do come they will get a dinner invite! Second message is from #3. OH BOY. Not happy with me. apparently they already told the kids and they cannot afford a hotel, just the flights (which supposedly were the kids WHOLE christmas gift as they cannot afford gifts and flights) She asked me to reconsider as I was massively letting down the children (9 yrs and 11yrs old) Said she already has spent hours researching the area and there are so many beaches the kids want to snorkle at , and there is a new theme park called Katmandu that they promised the kids they could go to as their one big treat here. Katmandu is a 5 minute drive or 30 min walk from my house but she wouldn't know that lol. So oh wise ones. What shall I reply before I block her ass?

Friendship is a lost cause.

How about "Perhaps you shouldn't have promised your children a holiday that you can't afford. Hope you get something sorted out. best wishes"

then if any more comeback block her (after reporting here for our amusement first!)

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 26/05/2023 11:55

Dear CF
Why did you make promises that you couldn't keep? How dare you now try to emotionally blackmail us into keeping promises we never made in the first place! If you can't afford a holiday - don't promise it to your children in the first place. We will not be changing our decision.

(PS - I bet they've not told their kids.)

lpwat · 26/05/2023 11:57

Number 3s response seems unbelievable, I don't know anyone who would ever behave like this.

rogueone · 26/05/2023 11:57

Cant believe they invited themselves for the xmas period- real CF

At this stage i would reply with F--k OFF

Meeting · 26/05/2023 11:58

My reply would be:

I'm sorry that your children are disappointed but it wasn't a good idea to tell them before you had asked our permission to stay. We're retired and not in a position to finance your family holiday.

Original poster
momager1 · 26/05/2023 11:59

@Habreathmint No worries about them showing up at the door. I am in a gated community with 24/7 security both inside the complex. as well as at the guard hut at gate. Unless you car is registered here, or even in a taxi, if one of the owners has not given permission to enter, its impossible to get in. Also they would never find us. Punta Cana is the biggest tourist zone in DR. There are 92 large All Inclusive hotels. Tons of small independant hotels, and the permanent population (ones that live here year round is 106,000 people. no wait...make that 106,002 as of 7 weeks ago lol) that does not include all the people that rent airbnbs. So good luck finding us. Needle in a haystack and even if they did, they would never get past the watchy man (guard)

OP posts:
Lougle · 26/05/2023 12:01

"Oh dear, that will be awkward for you to explain. I'm sure they'll get over the disappointment soon and you can make other plans "

MiniCooperLover · 26/05/2023 12:01

'why would you promise anything to your kids or price up flights without checking you absolutely had accommodation first' ...

WimpoleHat · 26/05/2023 12:03

“Sorry - you’ve planned a holiday, researched your flights and activities and told your kids - and you didn’t even have the courtesy to ask us first?”

Astounding CF-ery!

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