Day 3 with my newborn - can't stop crying

[elm26]

Oh my goodness, nothing could prepare me for how much I love her.

I seem to have come down from a high and hit a low of crying from the minute I woke up this morning and now whilst I'm doing my "shift" until I swap with DH to do his.

I had a traumatic birth, induced on Wednesday and every induction method failed. I didn't have her until early hours of Monday morning, 2 failed epidurals, I went from 2cm to 4cm in 13 hours and then suddenly I was screaming and crying begging DH to get them to knock me out or something. I was trying to get off the bed and screaming saying I need to push but they kept telling me it wasn't time yet. Then all of sudden I passed out and the room was full and I was actually 10cm they managed to rouse me and I spent 40 mins pushing my perfect bubba out. Every time I fall asleep I can hear myself screaming and it's horrible.

I cry because I love her so much, I cry because I feel I've let her down by not breastfeeding (she had 15ml of colostrum after birth that I had hand expressed from 37 weeks into syringes for the freezer at hospital). I have decided not to breastfeed for my own mental well-being, I suffer anxiety and depression and I feel it's another thing to put pressure on myself and now I feel like I'm being selfish towards DD, I worry I'm not cuddling her enough, have been putting her down after most feeds in her Moses basket/swinging chair so that I can have a bath, wipe kitchen and toilet down and keep on top of laundry but should I just be cuddling her all r the time? I feel like she might forget who I am if I don't. This all sounds so silly when I type it but is it normal to feel like this? Is it my hormones?! I also feel an overwhelming new sense of love for my DH since having her, he's just been the best and seeing him with her after 9 years of heartache, 13 miscarriages and 3 operations for endo we never thought we'd be lucky enough to be blessed with a baby. I keep thinking something is going to happen to him or her and this happy bubble is about to crumble around me.

Does it get easier? Is it hormones? I'm so worried I'm going to end up with PND.

Sorry for the typos if there are any, I keep dozing off mid sentence 🤦🏻‍♀️

Also baby was back to back with cord wrapped around her neck which didn't help

Hello!

congratulations! Well done for being a fabulous mum and worrying about your baby.

please talk to your midwife about this and maybe ask about the perinatal mental health team, if you don’t already know them. They’re great!

I would say give the cleaning a miss, you sound like you need those cuddles as much as baby does. Lots of skin to skin if you can.

It’s your choice how you best feed your baby but I just wanted to say my anxiety was lessened with breastfeeding and I felt happier in general because we had this amazing bond ( it was also hard) but that was my experience. I hold no judgement of your choices.

yes your hormones are crazy at the moment and day 3 especially is super mental. Try and look after yourself.

have you got a good support system there?

Oh lovely, don't worry. This is very very normal. Day 3 is 100% classic crying day. Pure hormones overload. You and your body have been through so much. It gets easy(in ups and downs) day by day.
I did this with all 3 of mine. Ride with it. Just be very kind to yourself x

Congratulations!

Don’t worry about housework, unless you want to. Just rest and enjoy the newborn cuddles. Her birth sounds to have been traumatic for your mind and body, so be gentle and kind on yourself. If you’re doubting your decision, it’s definitely not too late to establish breastfeeding. Do what is best for you, but it can be a lovely bonding experience and of course is good for baby too.

She definitely won’t forget who you are, she’s spent all of her life knowing your voice, movement, even your smell. But that’s another good reason to get comfortable and hold her close.

Conversely to the person above, my anxiety was worse with attempting to breastfeed. I was diagnosed with PNA and my concerns about feeding enough, not feeding enough, not knowing how much etc were very much affected by not knowing how much he was drinking while breast feeding (if anything at all TBH).

3 days in it sounds pretty normal to have a little baby blues, but absolutely mention to your team and keep them informed.

I too worried about holding too much, or not holding enough but I think whatever makes you calm is what you should do. Ultimately if you want to put her down, put her down. If you want to spend all day in front of the telly giving her cuddles, absolutely do that too. :)

I was going to say if you wanted to speak about your breastfeeding fears/anxiety/ what ever it is that’s making you not feel great about it La Leche league is amazing and will help you with whatever you want.

I also started with formula and then EBF (exclusively breastfed) and still am feeding babe now.

I absolutely felt like this. It's bizarre what hormones can do! Keep talking to your husband and your midwife, and if you don't feel happier in a few more days then talk with midwife or Dr about PND. I'll be honest, I had it, and spent about 3 months feeling the way you do now. I look back and just feel so sorry for my past self suffering like that. I stupidly didn't get help but should have. Take care, ask for breaks and help, and congratulations!

Oh yes Day 3 is often when your milk comes in (and the associated hormones) and cause the tears and low mood.

I had this with both mine, currently 39 weeks pregnant with my third and wholly expecting this with this one too.

Box sets are your night time company to hopefully offer some distraction.

Massive hugs to you - if it last more than a week speak to your HV. Xx

Oh ma wee hen, honest to god, day 3 is the day when you just cry for 14 hours straight and hope that the baby hasn't noticed. It will get a wee bit better tomorrow and by day 7 you'll be golden. You are FLOODED with hormones, dealing with birth, your whole world has changed and did I mention the hormones?

Cuddle your baby and rest. If no change in a few days, call your MW. But all will be well.

In a nutshell:

• Most women experience a change in mood around 3-5 days post birth due to the hormone changes. I remember being shocked when it hit me (floods of tears over the tiniest things)! It's completely normal.

• It's also completely normal to experience a change in mood/anxiety/etc if you've had a difficult birth experience. I'd speak to your midwife about arranging a debrief if they haven't already mentioned it.

*As a previous poster has said, I'd drop the cleaning! This is the time to prioritise wellbeing (both you and baby). Take time out for skin to skin and cuddles as well as your own self care (go and have a bath or a nap as circumstances allow!). If your baby is happy to be put down there's no harm in doing so, but don't feel that you have to tear yourself away for (example) cleaning, it's OK to prioritise cuddles!

Forgot to add: yes, it 100% gets better! (But do keep an eye on it... if it lasts beyond the period of hormone fluctuation you might benefit from some extra support from your midwife/GP).

Don't worry about your tears, your hormones are dancing a fandango just now, but will settle down again. Years ago, day 3 used to be known as the baby blues day, when everyone was weepy.

Don't worry about housework for now, just relax and enjoy getting to know your beautiful baby. Have you got some help there? If relatives call in, ask them to wash the dishes or other similar jobs.

Maybe when you are feeling up to it, you could ask at the hospital for a debriefing session to go through your notes with you, as you seem to have had a complex delivery, and it would help clarify things for you.

Rest as much as you can, keep your fluid intake going, enjoy your baby.
Congratulations and very well done you!

Congratulations on your beautiful baby!

Oh my goodness- Day 3 is the stuff of legend in our house. I have 3 and each time sobbed uncontrollably that day. It does absolutely get better (though lack of sleep and hormones will make the next few weeks weepier than usual, but nothing like Day 3).

If it does continue speak to your midwife. And if you aren't bf then try and get some sleep, it really will help. Your body needs to recover from everything.

Oh sweetie. I followed your time in the hospital. You really have been through alot in a short time. This is NORMAL. Please Please cut yourself some slack .. allow a good cry whenever you want. I did this with my daughter that was born after i had been in for almost two months. Full term four pounds 2 oz. I was so relieved she was ok. I had really been running on empty and only concentrating on getting her here safely. Then I crashed out. I am guessing that is what is happening to you right now also. Allow yourself time to cry and then it will get better. I promise. PS mine is now 35 with two of her own !!

Congratulations on the birth of your baby ❤️

Day 3 is baby blues day, and it's very normal to be incredibly weepy. I was a total mess on day 3 with all 3 of my children. My youngest is now 1, and I cried about everything from day 3 until around week 4. The crying was pretty intense for the first few days, but I gradually got better, and I started crying less and less.
I remember on day 5, DH was very close to calling my DM because I cried for over an hour because my DD was 5 days old and time was going too fast fast.
On day 6, my eldest turned 11 years old, again that was another lengthy crying episode. We decided to have a little buffet, and I had to stop preparing food because I was literally blinded by tears, and I couldn't see anything 😂.
Try and sleep when baby can because I found the crying episodes get a lot worse when you're overly exhausted. And share your feelings with your OH, family, friends, HV etc.

You are doing amazing!
Congratulations on the birth of your baby. Don't worry about all the weird thoughts - you are supposed to have them. I know it's overwhelming but try and roll with it.

And those amazing and protective thoughts will last foreve x

You are doing brilliantly lovely! Honestly!
And if bf doesn't work for you, switch to mixed, or formula feeds.
I know women get serious amounts of guilt and pressure put on them, but you're in a country where clean water, and sterilising equipment is easy, so don't beat yourself up about it.
it might be that you get bf sorted over the next days and it's lovely, but if not, it's not the end of the world! (Unpopular opinion on here I know, but also true!)
Sod the cleaning too! Your DH is perfectly capable of wiping round the bathroom and kitchen with a cleaning disinfectant wipe!
even with the laundry, if needs be buy more bibs/muslins/tea towels/underwear/socks, and sod it.
if DH has work clothes, he can do them, or pay someone to do them.
take every shortcut you can, takeaways, ready meals, if someone says "can I do anything to help?" Say yes and tell them something specific.
The weepies will pass, and you'll start to get into a routine and get the hang of looking after your tiny person soon, honestly .
you got this!

Congratulations, and like other posters have said, treat yourself kindly over the next couple of weeks. I sobbed irrationally over that first week with all four of mine (some of my crying was because I had lost the baby from my tummy, OH said "yes, but he is here, and healthy, I'm not sure I understand?" but I would have cried irrationally at literally anything, eastenders, the shop not having the right baby wipes, having to get in the car, already being a bad mother, any song, and the list goes on. Only by day 14 was I sort of functioning. I breastfed DS1, did a half hearted job on DD1 (did it for a few days, but dry nappies) and bottle fed the last two. No difference in any of them growing up, no difference in immune system, the only difference was OH could take the last night feed while I went to bed early. I don't regret bottle feeding, I remember the trials of breastfeeding. It's not for everyone. Of course, in my delicate emotional state, I could not even take my OH bottle feeding well, I was often back up after an hour, ridden with guilt while the baby slept and my OH said "go back to bed, he's fine". If you still feel bad after a couple of weeks, please seek help, but your hormones will be raging, and the whole experience of birth changes you. It's really normal, and at first you just have to take it a day at a time. Hugs XX

Huge congratulations! Day three and day four are notoriously tricky in terms of hormones and emotions, what you’re explaining sounds very very normal. That said, if you’re still feeling that way in a few days it is always worth talking to your midwife about it. You sound like you’re already very mindful of your mental health anyway which is great.

I’d echo the others and say please consider doing minimal housework. Make the most of the newborn cuddles, it’s a cliche but time really does go fast. Completely understand it may be better for your mental health to put her down at times and focus on you in terms of rest, showering etc. that’s absolutely important. But if there is ever a time the housework can wait it’s now.

And please try not to feel guilty about feeding, you’ve made the decision that is right for you and your baby.

Oh darling, day 3 is the absolute pits! I remember sobbing on the floor of the lounge as I was just so in love with DD and was terrified of anything bad happening/losing her. I was basically inconsolable for most of the day. Know that this is all hormone led and does get better.

But please cut yourself some slack, the cleaning can wait. Now is the time to hunker down with your beautiful baby with a boxset on the telly. She absolutely won’t forget you if you’re not holding her 24/7, but equally if you want to spend all day cuddling her do. Newborn snuggles really are the best!

Oh you wonderful thing. Your body has grown a baby and now your hormones are running wild. It's called, "three day baby blues" for a reason, it is totally normal.

Be kind to yourself. Not everyone can breastfeed. It's not like you are not feeding her, she will be fine.

Congratulations OP. My advice is don't listen to nonsense about what is best. Breastfeeding or FF however you feed her is the right way

Time to chill
Take a step back
Forget all that was
And focus on what is!
You had a baby

Forget about perfect deliveries and perfectly breastfed babies and perfectly happy mums

Focus on the fact your baby is here. And she is fed, happy and healthy.

Your hormones will settle.

Breathe .

You've wanting this for so long.
You'll be regretting this period if you end up with constant worry.

Focus on your baby. Anything can wait.

I remember sitting in bed with the tears streaming down my face because the midwife had the same name as a song we’d listened to in the car on the way to the hospital. The consultant walked in and just smiled kindly and said ‘Ah, day 3’.

You are doing amazingly and this is completely normal. Tomorrow you’ll feel a little bit less emotional but I cried everyday until about day 10. I can still remember the feeling, it was like nothing I’d ever experienced.

Everything else can wait, just focus on your newborn. Having a tiny little one completely depend on you is an enormous adjustment but you’ve got this Mama!