Day 3 with my newborn - can't stop crying

[elm26]

Oh my goodness, nothing could prepare me for how much I love her.

I seem to have come down from a high and hit a low of crying from the minute I woke up this morning and now whilst I'm doing my "shift" until I swap with DH to do his.

I had a traumatic birth, induced on Wednesday and every induction method failed. I didn't have her until early hours of Monday morning, 2 failed epidurals, I went from 2cm to 4cm in 13 hours and then suddenly I was screaming and crying begging DH to get them to knock me out or something. I was trying to get off the bed and screaming saying I need to push but they kept telling me it wasn't time yet. Then all of sudden I passed out and the room was full and I was actually 10cm they managed to rouse me and I spent 40 mins pushing my perfect bubba out. Every time I fall asleep I can hear myself screaming and it's horrible.

I cry because I love her so much, I cry because I feel I've let her down by not breastfeeding (she had 15ml of colostrum after birth that I had hand expressed from 37 weeks into syringes for the freezer at hospital). I have decided not to breastfeed for my own mental well-being, I suffer anxiety and depression and I feel it's another thing to put pressure on myself and now I feel like I'm being selfish towards DD, I worry I'm not cuddling her enough, have been putting her down after most feeds in her Moses basket/swinging chair so that I can have a bath, wipe kitchen and toilet down and keep on top of laundry but should I just be cuddling her all r the time? I feel like she might forget who I am if I don't. This all sounds so silly when I type it but is it normal to feel like this? Is it my hormones?! I also feel an overwhelming new sense of love for my DH since having her, he's just been the best and seeing him with her after 9 years of heartache, 13 miscarriages and 3 operations for endo we never thought we'd be lucky enough to be blessed with a baby. I keep thinking something is going to happen to him or her and this happy bubble is about to crumble around me.

Does it get easier? Is it hormones? I'm so worried I'm going to end up with PND.

Day 3 is crying day, if you can accept thay this is normal for today it might ease your anxieties a little.

My day 3 fell on my birthday, it was great (not!)

You have had a hell of a week, full of ups and downs and this is bound to take its toll on anyone, added in to the fact its day 3, (they used to call it the baby blues dau but as that has also become a nickname for PND you don't tend to hear people call it that anymore) a weepy/distraught day 3 absolutely does not mean you are going to develop PND it is just all your hormones crashing and the adrenaline of birth wearing off.

Take it very very easy on yourself this next couple of weeks, as long as you have a clean bum,full tummy and some sleep (yes, you aswell as baby) nothing else matters.

Sending gentle hugs x

She’s a newborn, you shouldn’t be putting her down and cleaning. She needs to be close to you to develop a secure attachment.

So much going on for you.

I want to gently suggest that your other half doesn't have an off shift. His job right now is caring for you number 1 then rkaign over from you when you need a break.

You have breastfeed your baby. That colostrum is amazing. You have a done something amazing. If you want to do little bits of breastfeeding still you can. You do not have to do all or not. But if now is enough you have still breastfeeding and given your baby all the amazing benefits.

Day 3 is rough for hormone crashes super crazy crashes and you need as much love and support as you can get. Ask your OH to step up (favorites meals, drinks, TV shows etc) and also reach out to your midwife and let her know you are feeling low. If you have some friends you trust let them know too.

Hope that a little care and support lifts your mood but remember you can be a loving and wonderful mum with PND&A

Congratulations on your baby. As others have said statistically day three is the huge hormone drop and whilst often a horrible shock to be so emotional, totally normal.

You don't need to make a decision on breastfeeding yet. I didn't actually start until twelve weeks, although did pump after a few days. I found it helped my emotions to start breastfeeding because it was something tangible to do and a skill to focus on after my prem baby arrived and I was in shock.

I think I cried every day, the big sobbing cries, from day three to 12! Mostly about how I feared I would lose the baby somehow and how much love I had for the baby. The most intense overwhelming feelings of my life.

Tbh the birth dosent sound dramatic and breastfeeding prevents PND by releasing “love” and relaxation hormones.

Breastfeeding and cosleeping would also let you have max rest, breastfeeding minus nappy changes is the answer to most things your baby needs- comfort,food/drink, teething pains etc

"Doesn't sound dramatic"? Well it sounds pretty traumatic to me!

No one else seems to have picked up on your infertility before the birth, so I'll say that this almost certainly affects your feelings. That long term grief and trauma won't vanish just because you're now lucky enough to have welcomed your daughter, in fact it raises your risk of post-partum.

Please keep an eye on yourself and be extra-kind to yourself over the next few weeks and months.

Congrats on your new family member! It’s such a shock becoming a parent for the first time, going through labour and all the hormonal changes. It all sounds quite normal and very familiar to me. I was you at Christmas time with my then newborn. You have just had a baby 3!! days ago. In the kindest way possible, please give yourself a break. Life has changed overnight, your body and mind have been through a major event and you’ve now got this tiny human to look after who needs constant attention and prevents you from getting a full nights sleep. You do whatever you need to do to get by for the next few weeks. I started EBF but struggled due to anxiety and so switched to formula at 6 weeks. Best thing I ever did and I have no regrets so please don’t beat yourself up about feeding.

Sweetheart, first things first congratulations.

You've been through a very traumatic time be kind to yourself and rest yourself when you get chance and stop beating yourself up. Endless cuddles aren't required she's tiny and getting plenty of love and affection.

I'll admit to feeling much the same when mine was born, I also seemed to think I'd got to clean the house from top to bottom daily to keep him safe, totally unnecessary.

Giving birth is traumatic imv. Certainly with my first it was - what you went through sounds terrible. Writing it down might have helped you come to terms with it. Perhaps write some more ….and ime no one wants to hear! You have a healthy baby so you are expected to be happy and move on!!
I understand how you feel.

Day 1-5 were horrible. I remember day 3 well. I cried constantly. Worrying about the smallest things. I promise you it gets better. I cried after every nap. It was a strange feeling. Talk to your midwife for reassurance 💐

Congratulations.

I remember also having a very teary day 3 after ds was born, it only lasted a day or two. Iirc it is something hormonal and not uncommon after giving birth.

Day 3 is the hardest day. My baby was up all night and I phoned my amazing MIL in a panic because I didn't think I could be a mum and she came round, swaddled him and put me to bed for 5 hours while she tidied our house and made us our meals. Your hormones changed instantly the second you delivered that placenta and your body is trying to catch up. Also the pain of infertility and miscarriage sadly don't just leave when you get your baby.

Be kind to yourself, stop tidying and sit down with your baby, sleep as much as you are able, watch your favourite shows, don't have visitors until you are ready, accept all the meals. Tell your midwife how you are feeling (she will not be in any way surprised but gives them a clue to keep a close eye). And congratulations on your new perfect addition.

The birth sounds traumatic so please remember you are still processing that so go easy on yourself. The main thing is you have a beautiful healthy baby - Congratulations to you & your husband.
Just do what feels right and best to you, don’t worry about trying to be perfect as you never will be. If you want to put your baby in her basket from time to time so you can clean or whatever, do so without guilt. It won’t hurt her to not be held every waking moment. Same with breastfeeding. Just do what works best for you and she will be ok. She will still be fed whether breast or bottle and she will still be deeply loved.

Day 3 with my first was horrific for me. When I had mine they routinely kept you in hospital for 5 days with the first child. I was stuck in hospital, crying my eyes out, with busy, unsympathetic nurses and one outright nasty one.

The baby blues are recognised and completely normal, but that doesn't mean that it's not very real and upsetting at the time.

💐for you op. Hope you feel better soon.

First of all, congratulations on the arrival of your baby girl 💛💛💛

Your birth story sounds incredibly traumatic. Having flashbacks to the birth is normal when there has been trauma. It is a lot to come to terms with, and the “what ifs” can be terrifying. Do consider discussing with your midwife about support available to you to help you come to terms with your baby girls birth and your concerns about PND.

Having your baby with you after having 13 miscarriages will be a huge sigh of relief - she’s finally here, she’s safe. There are some amazing charities out there that can provide support to parents who have experienced losses. Your midwife will know about these charities and can provide further details.

Feeling like the bubble is about to burst or like things are too good to be true is completely normal considering the highs and crushing lows you will have experienced having to endure 13 miscarriages and 3 operations. It’s possible that anxieties had during pregnancy can turn into different worries once the baby is here, and not just necessarily about the baby. Our brains try to protect us through identifying potential threats so we can avoid them, which can trigger anxiety and worry, even though we know we and our loved ones are safe. How you are feeling is normal. Again, there are charities that can provide support for this.

Please try to be kind to yourself. Lean on those around you for support - your husband, midwife, any family and friends. As previous posters have said, day 3 is still so early on and hormones are wild at this time.

You are doing everything right for your baby. Breastfeeding or bottle feeding is YOUR choice and nobody else’s. You know your mind and your body best, trust and believe in yourself.

Try to take care of yourself, mentally and physically, in order for you to be there for your baby. Don’t be harsh on yourself for taking time out to have a bath etc. Doing things for yourself is so incredibly important. If cleaning/laundry is an outlet for you and something you enjoy - amazing, keep doing little bits here and there whilst getting in some rest. If you view these as chores that have to be done - leave them! Cleaning and laundry really don’t matter just now.

You and your husband have endured an incredibly difficult and challenging journey together to finally be able to hold your little one in your arms. What you have achieved in bringing your little girl into the world is an amazing triumph 💛

Try to be as present as possible when you’re with your baby (grounding techniques can help with this) so you can soak in this special time with her. But don’t feel guilty if this isn’t possible all of the time. No parent is ever fully present 100% of the time with their children.

Remember, you are doing your best - that’s all we can ever do. 💛💛💛

I felt just like you and switching from BF to FF was singlehandedly the BEST decision. I felt like I suddenly started to enjoy my baby properly rather than dreading every feed, a weight was lifted. You sound like a fabulous mum.

Day 3 I woke up (we were still in hospital) and cried at the midwife, the doctor, the cleaner 😂🤦‍♀️
Very much the crying day. You are doing amazingly.

She’s a newborn, you shouldn’t be putting her down and cleaning. She needs to be close to you to develop a secure attachment.

This is not constructive. Op please don't take this one post out of all the helpful ones and let it get to you. You shouldn't be cleaning because you need to REST.

Of course op will have newborn close to her but she doesn't need to hold her 24hours of the day!

Hormones are all over the place, it's completely normal. I cried buckets. Do yourself a favour op and get off mumsnet, in fact switch your phone off all together, and just try and sleep!

Even if you can't just lie down and close your eyes every single chance you get. Eat your favourite comfort food. Ideally you should not be moving from the couch / bed other than to use the bathroom.

I ran round like a manic woman after my first trying to clean and it was completely unnecessary. When I have my 2nd later this year I'm imposing forced bed rest on myself (if it's possible with a toddler!).

Day 3 I properly wet myself then sat on the floor and sobbed for hours - such a weird hormonal switch!
Similar to you we had lots of losses and my baby was the result of 6 round of IVF so PND was very much a worry for me too - it’s difficult because ‘normal’ anxiety around a baby is huge already. Any doubts at all, please speak to someone.

Congratulations mama. Day 3 is definitely the worst. Your oestrogen will have ramped to bring your milk in. It feels like an age away but you’ll feel better next week. You’re doing great.

Yes, day 3 is crazy. However you have also been through a lot so if you’re still feeling wobbly after a few weeks, then do speak to someone

Congratulations.

day 3 is so completely “the day you can’t stop crying” that I’d like to suggest that you’re being completely normal :)

you’re tempted to clean, I made a cake (?!) but really sitting back, cuddling your baby, letting the tears come is absolutely fine. Your body is tired and changing massively, rest!

Congratulations! I was following your induction post so remember you hd a really tough week getting to birth so really likely that your emotions will be all over the place.

Firstly park the breastfeeding guilt. Best thing is that your baby is being fed. Many women don't breastfeed. I didn't my babies are just fine.

Next park the house work. No one expects a house kept clean on day 3 post birth. Keep the washing moving but beyond that stop.

Next - these first few weeks are all about taking time to just be with your baby and sit. You don't need to go out. You don't need to get dressed even. Comfy pyjamas on the sofa, trash tv and just cuddle.

Also don't worry about the - if I cuddle her all the time she won't sleep independently - my first I was all about he must nap in his Moses basket etc - his sleep was awful.

My second I cuddles for most naps in the early week and he sleeps the best at night.

Finally - given what you have been through - ask your midwife was support.

This is called the post-birth blues. I got kind around this day too, it will pass. I sat on the sofa for hours crying. My husband had no fucking clue what to do.

It is normal for anyone to have a whole host of reactions following birth - both due to hormones and the enormity of it, going through giving birth etc but on tip.of that you have natural tendencies towards anxiety and have been through a huge journey due to the fertility issues you have experienced- do not underestimate the enormity of that and the years of trauma you are sat on.

I would both speak to your mw but also try and employ any techniques you have for your anxiety - meditation etc things that make you feel good, let dh do all cleaning and you do things that make you feel lovely - can be simple things from a lovely film to calling close friends for a good chat or getting out for a walk (depending on how you are physically- I certainly couldn't at 3 days pp but everyone is different) - you need to look after you and your little one, dh needs to look after.the house, you and yout little one.