Day 3 with my newborn - can't stop crying

[elm26]

Oh my goodness, nothing could prepare me for how much I love her.

I seem to have come down from a high and hit a low of crying from the minute I woke up this morning and now whilst I'm doing my "shift" until I swap with DH to do his.

I had a traumatic birth, induced on Wednesday and every induction method failed. I didn't have her until early hours of Monday morning, 2 failed epidurals, I went from 2cm to 4cm in 13 hours and then suddenly I was screaming and crying begging DH to get them to knock me out or something. I was trying to get off the bed and screaming saying I need to push but they kept telling me it wasn't time yet. Then all of sudden I passed out and the room was full and I was actually 10cm they managed to rouse me and I spent 40 mins pushing my perfect bubba out. Every time I fall asleep I can hear myself screaming and it's horrible.

I cry because I love her so much, I cry because I feel I've let her down by not breastfeeding (she had 15ml of colostrum after birth that I had hand expressed from 37 weeks into syringes for the freezer at hospital). I have decided not to breastfeed for my own mental well-being, I suffer anxiety and depression and I feel it's another thing to put pressure on myself and now I feel like I'm being selfish towards DD, I worry I'm not cuddling her enough, have been putting her down after most feeds in her Moses basket/swinging chair so that I can have a bath, wipe kitchen and toilet down and keep on top of laundry but should I just be cuddling her all r the time? I feel like she might forget who I am if I don't. This all sounds so silly when I type it but is it normal to feel like this? Is it my hormones?! I also feel an overwhelming new sense of love for my DH since having her, he's just been the best and seeing him with her after 9 years of heartache, 13 miscarriages and 3 operations for endo we never thought we'd be lucky enough to be blessed with a baby. I keep thinking something is going to happen to him or her and this happy bubble is about to crumble around me.

Does it get easier? Is it hormones? I'm so worried I'm going to end up with PND.

Congratulations. You are amazing. You made a beautiful little girl. I choose to bottle feed and best decision I ever made and I have amazing bond with my DD and she very healthy and bright. Hope that puts your mind at rest re the feeding. It honestly doesn't matter how a baby is feed as long as the mum is happy doing it. A happy mum is the most important thing and these early days are hard due to hormones and the lack of sleep. I promise you You doing perfectly ok and being a brilliant mum. Do you have any family or friends locally. Depending on how you feel (might be too soon as day 3) might be worth seeing if you could find a local baby group....we had one in my local town...babies under one only, no siblings...try the local churches or the NCT or ask health visitor. Xxxx

I gave birth 3 days ago and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions since then. But last night was simply awful! I didn’t get any sleep at all because I was worried about my 3 day old baby girl would stop breathing for some reasons… I kept watching her every breath over the crib and every time I would fall asleep I would instantly wake up in a panic!

here’s what triggered it: I’m naturally a worrier so I thought I would buy an Owlet Smart Sock to monitor her oxygen levels and heart beat and give me some peace of mind. But the alarm for low oxygen went off 4 times during the night (first time we had it on) - Waking us up in total panic when she seemed absolutely fine…! Obviously after this I did not get any sleep whatsoever. I had to remove the sock cause it kept going off. We ended up going to A&E today to check everything was fine and as predicted, it is… Oxygen levels were at 100% and there’s no reasons as of why she would be struggling to breath. They told us to throw away the Owlet as it was simply a stupid device that would only worry parents even more for no reasons! She was also born two weeks early and is rather small, they told us that early term babies do tend to have lower oxygen anyway which is normal!

Anyway, bottom line is: I cannot stop worrying! Anyone been there? Any advice? Because I cannot live like that….

i really wish I never bought this stupid sock 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Hannouck you’re probably best starting your own thread as you have posted on an old one but… I found thinking what the pre motherhood me would do was helpful. But also acknowledging that your hormones are turning you into a slightly different person at the moment, but if they continue a long time you can talk through with HCP.

congratulations!

Didn’t even realise I just answered a post instead of starting my own threads, sorry about that 🤦🏼‍♀️