Day 3 with my newborn - can't stop crying

[elm26]

Oh my goodness, nothing could prepare me for how much I love her.

I seem to have come down from a high and hit a low of crying from the minute I woke up this morning and now whilst I'm doing my "shift" until I swap with DH to do his.

I had a traumatic birth, induced on Wednesday and every induction method failed. I didn't have her until early hours of Monday morning, 2 failed epidurals, I went from 2cm to 4cm in 13 hours and then suddenly I was screaming and crying begging DH to get them to knock me out or something. I was trying to get off the bed and screaming saying I need to push but they kept telling me it wasn't time yet. Then all of sudden I passed out and the room was full and I was actually 10cm they managed to rouse me and I spent 40 mins pushing my perfect bubba out. Every time I fall asleep I can hear myself screaming and it's horrible.

I cry because I love her so much, I cry because I feel I've let her down by not breastfeeding (she had 15ml of colostrum after birth that I had hand expressed from 37 weeks into syringes for the freezer at hospital). I have decided not to breastfeed for my own mental well-being, I suffer anxiety and depression and I feel it's another thing to put pressure on myself and now I feel like I'm being selfish towards DD, I worry I'm not cuddling her enough, have been putting her down after most feeds in her Moses basket/swinging chair so that I can have a bath, wipe kitchen and toilet down and keep on top of laundry but should I just be cuddling her all r the time? I feel like she might forget who I am if I don't. This all sounds so silly when I type it but is it normal to feel like this? Is it my hormones?! I also feel an overwhelming new sense of love for my DH since having her, he's just been the best and seeing him with her after 9 years of heartache, 13 miscarriages and 3 operations for endo we never thought we'd be lucky enough to be blessed with a baby. I keep thinking something is going to happen to him or her and this happy bubble is about to crumble around me.

Does it get easier? Is it hormones? I'm so worried I'm going to end up with PND.

Congratulations OP.

This sounds like it could be completely normal, or it could be PND. It's too early to say. I did not have PND but I cried buckets in the first few days and weeks so that part is completely normal, especially after a traumatic birth.

I'd say give the housework and laundry a skip, let your husband step up, and spend as much time as possible having skin to skin with your baby.

It's also not too late to breastfeed, if you are doubting your decision. At three days PP your milk would only just be coming in anyway, but you would need to let your baby suckle at the breast as much as possible, even if you are supplementing with formula. Call La Leche League for advice if you want to do this. If you really don't, formula is fine. Nobody can tell the difference between adults who were breastfed and those who were formula fed.

Please please speak to the perinatal team, they are generally amazing and have seen EVERYTHING. I had the same after miscarriages and a traumatic birth but I didn't recognise it and ended up being sectioned. Well done on noticing it so early, please please get support x

Congratulations on your new baby.
Day 3 is notorious for the crying so don't worry. I was still in hospital at that stage and the nurse said his umbilical cord was cut very short. I started crying and couldn't stop. I called dh to come in even though it was very early in the morning and l was saying they think l can't care for him properly and proper bawling my eyes out!! It passed. Remember then mom's were in hospital for 5 days so could do no housework but its easier sometimes to rest in your own bed.
Get dh on the cleaning as there is nothing as bad as a messy kitchen when you finally pop down to make a cuppa. You have had a difficult time but you are doing fine. Stay away from watching the news as every story will set you off again. Rest and look after yourself.

First of all, whatever is best for you is best for baby. If breastfeeding is going to wreck you, you're no good to her. Don't worry about FF for another second.
Second, DHs role here is to make the tea for the guy making the coffee. You rest and you cuddle that precious baby and let him look after you both and the house while he's off on paternity. This is your chance to test and recover.
Thirdly, congratulations! 🎉

OP, about three days after giving birth, your estrogen levels plummet leading to a massive crying spell for most women. You'll feel all your emotions so strongly that it feels like you're ready for a psych ward. This is perfectly normal, and will wear off soon enough.

I had my perfect and healthy baby the night between a Friday and a Saturday. I was doing perfectly fine, went in to his first check-up in the hospital Monday morning. Everything good, cuddled him a little more - and then, just out of the blue, I couldn't stop crying for the rest of the day. It's insane. And perfectly normal.

There are many perfectly legitimate reasons not to breastfeed. Please don't beat yourself up if you've made the decision that allows you to take care of your own mental health. If you keep experiencing symptoms of depression or pronounced anxiety, please don't hesitate to reach out to your health care provider for help.

You need to forget about housework for now! Also try to relax. Also it's not too late to offer your baby breastmilk, you can still give a bottle afterwards if that lessens your anxiety. Breastfeeding once established is far easier and less stress plus helps with hormones crashing - milk typically comes in on day 3.

With my first, I cried almost constantly for the first 10 days before it started to ease off. My dp was very worried! While I did develop pnd (I have anxiety too) it was due to his poor health.

Absolutely stop cleaning, this is what your other half is for! Unless you actually enjoy cleaning that is, and even then, take it very very easy. You're recovering from a huge ordeal, your body needs rest. I did absolutely nothing but feed and rest with my first, and he was bottle fed too.

It's absolutely not too late to breastfeed if you want to, but don't feel guilty for even a moment if formula is your choice (I have 1 bottle and 1 breastfed). The number 1 choice is the one that keeps you mentally well, and breastfeeding can be tough to establish for some babies. My first couldn't latch and I hadn't done enough research to know how to help. Trying to latch and pumping put me in a very dark place those first few weeks. My second knew what to do from birth though, and I'm still loving it at 16 months!

Rest up, take it easy, and enjoy the soft baby cuddles. Lean on anyone you can, and don't be afraid to ask health professionals for help with anything at all.

Same as all of other posters say- crying and crying when my milk came down! It doesn't last.
And I had twins!! Xx

OP consider getting a baby carrier, newborn carrier by ergo is popular in baby carrying groups i give thumbs up too, made of organic cotton easy to put on etc, keeps both hands free for housework and baby gets snuggles.

Oh day 3 is notorious for being a crying day! It's when all your pregnancy hormones take a nose dive. Don't worry about anything right now apart from cuddles if you don't want to, you've both been through a lot. Rest, eat, drink plenty and chill with your baby. DH can wait on you a bit.

Day 3 with my first was like the worst PMT ever ever ever for me. Nothing felt right, I felt irritable and completely incompetent, I was also struggling to breastfeed and I honestly felt like the worst mum in the world. Like I didn't deserve my baby and like there had been some mistake that had led to me getting him.

I remember throwing myself down onto my bed actually screaming and crying after another painful attempt at breastfeeding. DH was pretty worried.

For me, my milk came in on the evening of Day 3 and like a switch turning off, the anger and sadness just went. I'm the same with PMT which is why I compared it to that - I get really stressed and angry, then as soon as my period starts it's gone.

That said - the way I felt on Day 3, if it had persisted, would definitely have been classed as PND. So it is worth keeping an eye on.

For today, have a bath, watch some lighthearted TV, make sure you're eating and drinking enough. Get your husband to do the housework and change the nappies, and you cuddle your lovely baby. If you feel the same way in a couple of days, or you or DH are otherwise worried, definitely speak to your midwife.

Yes! Day 3 crying absolutely normal! Day 4 too as I recall! Congrats!

Congratulations OP what a journey you have been on. Believe me you are a fabulous mummy 😃

Give yourself a break on the cleaning, cuddle your baby if you want to, for hours and hours if that's what you want, grab a box set and a blanket and just breathe in those baby snuffles. These are precious moments. Make sure you get plenty of rest, including away from her from time to time to give yourself some head space, even just five minutes for a shower. Don't set yourself goals at this time just take it hour by hour, the clouds you are feeling should clear in a day or so but do reach out to your health visitor, they really won't be surprised about how you are feeling, its normal and valid for all you have been through.

You are amazing , your baby thinks you are amazing. You've got this.

You are so right! I missed the infertility/miscarriage paragraph in the OP.

OP, I really found that I thought about my losses much more on the first few months of my baby’s life than I had previously. I think when you’re in the thick of ttc, miscarriages, treatment etc. it’s head down and keep going. I think that when you actually do have your baby then the enormity of everything you have been through hits you. You can finally look back because you’ve achieved what you wanted but it’s hard because there was/is so much pain.

I hope you’re feeling a little better today but you will still be weepy. It’s all normal, don’t worry but I’d it persists past a couple of weeks then speak to a professional.

You sound completely normal OP; day 3 is famous as "The crying day" in my wider family.

Draw on any good support you have. If you have a supportive friend or family member you feel relaxed with, ask them to pop in and help by just being there for an hour or two to let you get a shower etc.

BF doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you are worried about your baby missing out you could BF or express occasionally but rely on FF for the most part.

It's a good time to flag your concerns with the Health Visitor to make sure that you get support. But don't worry about your anxiety - it's not a foregone conclusion that it will flare up after the initial post-birth period. You sound very capable and self-aware and most women feel anxious after giving birth. Keep talking to your partner and any support system you have.

You are doing brilliantly darling. Completely and utterly normal but do mention it to your mid-wife if you are concerned. I recall crying on and off for about two weeks over anything and everything. My husband suggested putting on Toy Story as I couldn't possibly cry over that. But I ended up sobbing when Buzz Lightyear found out he couldn't actually fly! Don't worry, it will lift as your hormones normalise.

Hands down the best piece of parenting advice I ever got was this: you can never cuddle your babies too much.
5 and 7 now and I still cuddle them every chance I get.
You are doing great. Remember to take care of yourself as well as your bubba.

Congratulations on her arrival. Please be kind to yourself if bottle feels to be best for you and her then do that.
You have been through a huge amount and it will take you time to process this. I had a traumatic birth and hindsight I wish I had had a birth debrief with a midwife.

Thanks so much everyone.

DH took over at 3 and was meant to wake me up at 7 but I've just woke up and he's deep cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom, a homemade chilli is being slow cooked ready for batches and is now making me some breakfast. He said DD slept better so he was able to nap on the sofa so didn't want to wake me.

I'll just explain regarding the cleaning, I didn't mean I was hoovering or anything like that, DH is amazing and had everything covered whilst I was in hospital and since I've been out too. When I'm nervous or anxious, I like to potter about and do "bits" so put clean laundry away etc.

We do cuddle all of the time, I meant that I put her down after some feeds (after winding and cuddling) not all of them.

I'm so lucky to have an amazing support system. MIL, my aunt and my stepmum, a few friends and my lovely DH.

I will keep an eye on my MH and today feels like it's going to be a good day which is a win xx

💛👏🏼 you and your husband are an amazing team by the sounds of things. So glad you were able to get a better sleep and DH got a nap in as well.

You've got this 💛⭐️

@elm26

I'm so glad you are feeling a little better and your DH sounds like a keeper.

Enjoy these days of cuddles and take many many photos.

How are you feeling now? 💐

Thanks so much again.

@EverythingsCominUpMilhouse @sashh @PlantDoctor I feel so much better, I think it was my milk coming in.

My stitches are healing nicely, baby girl has only lost 5g and midwives are super happy with her.

She sleeps 4 hours between feeds, she's a dream but I know the sleeping is likely to change! 😂

DH is amazing, I said to him yesterday that single mums and women with useless partners deserve a medal. Just having somebody who looks after me, runs me baths, makes sure I get an hour at least of self care a day and encourages me to look after myself, cooks dinner and loves feeding her, changes her and has been keeping on top of laundry whilst I rest has been such a great feeling and I feel very blessed to have this little family unit.

So pleased you're feeling better! I said the same to my DH - can't imagine doing it alone. Those ladies are so strong!

Congratulations on your new baby and I'm sorry that the birth experience was so drawn out and frightening
I had a similar experience to Plantdoctor above. Day 3 is the typical hormone crash but please ask for help if you continue to feel blue and anxious. Make sure to tell your husband how you're feeling. I remember keeping my tears to myself and so no one knew how sad I was and I would then explode into rows with my husband, so it drove us apart when he could have been looking after me if I'd just told him what was really happening.
I must have been making my ability to cope emotionally because I didn't start taking medication for pnd / anxiety for months and it really helped once I started.

Hopefully your feelings will pass but if they don't then do get more help.