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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I'm spending more than DP on petrol on the holiday?

117 replies

PandoraRocks · 24/05/2023 17:14

DP and I are going away. We don't live together so have separate expenses etc.
I've just spent £100 filling the tank and that will get us to our destination towing a caravan. I've asked DP for half the cost of the petrol but he's said that instead of that, I'll return home with a full tank so I'll have the benefit of a replacement tank of petrol. Problem is he expects me to pay half of that tank. The way I see it, I'm paying for 1.5 tanks of petrol but he says I'll have a full tank when I get home which he won't be using.

Am I being dense here?🤯 I just think it would be fairer if we paid halves for the petrol as we use it on the holiday and when we're back it should be near empty.

OP posts:
Notmyusual80 · 24/05/2023 19:41

What @greennotepad said. I just couldn’t live my life with my partner obsessing about who pays for what.

TeaParty4Me · 24/05/2023 19:45

Not this man again.

I’d go on holiday by yourself OP.

I don’t think he should pay all of it but he could at least act like he appreciates you taking him and using your car and caravan by not being so tight with his money.

Kay286 · 24/05/2023 19:46

@SiegeOfBees I meant separate not desperate ! But agree that why I just couldn’t do separate finances, we are all in, so what is spent is spent , therefore none of this I paid for this so you owe me this etc it’s just ours and we spend it. Id hate to give my husband a bill for how much he owes me ! Or vs versa

olympicsrock · 24/05/2023 19:52

Awful man - Scrooge! LTB!

Ponderingwindow · 24/05/2023 19:57

you are going to leave with a full tank because otherwise you are crazy and wasting time.

keep track of what fills cost, including a fill upon return to get you back up to full, not partial. Then split the total spent.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 24/05/2023 20:00

By the time they come back, they'll have used two tanks if it's a tank each way. So he'll be contributing to both the fill up for a full tank for the return journey, and the second fill up when they get back on empty?

MadelineZott · 24/05/2023 20:02

Fill the tank before you go - you pay. Fill the tank when you get home at the end - he pays half of that plus any top -ups needed while you're away. So you start and end with a full tank, and he has paid half of what was consumed while you were away. Makes sense.

Of course, it doesn't factor in wear & rear and any incidental expenses but it's perfectly fair on the fuel costs.

Silentmama2 · 24/05/2023 20:22

you fill the tank

you drive - and share the costs of refilling it

When you get home you top the tank up - share the cost

You have not lost money - you left with a full tank and return with one - all the 'used petrol' is shared.

ThePoshUns · 24/05/2023 20:28

greennotepad · 24/05/2023 17:25

I couldn't be in a relationship that splits hairs about money this way!

Me neither. How exhausting.

ThePoshUns · 24/05/2023 20:32

Why don't you just put say £500 each in a kitty to cover all costs and then if there is any left by the time you get home? Or if you go over each put the same amount of extra in the pot.

HeckyPeck · 24/05/2023 20:37

PaigeMatthews · 24/05/2023 18:25

It is op’s caravan. She pays all costs for it and bought it herself. After reading this from op, Ive no doubt that her dp will in no way be paying his fair share;

The organiser of the event has decided to start charging £10 per night for electric hook up. We are there for 4 nights. DP has told me he doesn't need electric for Thursday night as he is taking a flask so won't need a kettle and doesn't need heating or hairdryer like me. He has told me to pay the £10 myself. I told him he was being unbelievably petty and he can sit in the dark cause he won't be using my caravan battery then so he said he will sleep in his van instead.

when one person is tight to this extent, the other person has to watch their spending very carefully or theyll be paying for everything without realising.

I remember this thread. OP I'm sure you can do way better than this miserable penny pincher!

JayJayEl · 24/05/2023 22:30

cocksstrideintheevening · 24/05/2023 17:32

You're arguing over £50? Who could be arsed with that?

£50 is a hell of a lot of money to some!!

windowsopen · 24/05/2023 22:50

I agree with all who have said that he doesn't sound like much of a catch. Makes more than you do and still pinching the pennies so hard they squeak to avoid paying for basics like electric and fuel on a holiday? Not an attractive trait in a partner... It must suck the joy right out of life to be constantly negotiating every little thing. I wouldn't feel very loved if a romantic partner haggled over who should pay what to this degree.

MrsMitford3 · 24/05/2023 22:52

greennotepad · 24/05/2023 17:25

I couldn't be in a relationship that splits hairs about money this way!

this 100%

how awful to live like this

rumpsteak · 24/05/2023 23:29

Your DP can do the maths and you clearly can’t.

CarpetSlipper · 25/05/2023 00:29

I couldn’t be arsed with a relationship like this. Is going by yourself an option?

Mammadibambini · 25/05/2023 00:33

How long have you been together? Do you have kids and stuff?

This seems very petty for people in a relationship but maybe you just got together recently?

Densol57 · 25/05/2023 00:57

Your relationship is at an end if you are worrying / squabbling about petty stuff like a tank of petrol

Riv · 25/05/2023 07:49

Glad you have sorted it out. However, technically he’s right. Think of it like an expensive bottle of wine.
You are round his and you decide you both really want a good bottle of wine which you will go halves on. It’s late and the local shops are shut. He has a good bottle that he was saving for something, but he agrees that he’ll get a replacement tomorrow if you pay half towards the replacement. Does that sound fair?

You pay half the replacement- NOT half of the first bottle AND half of the replacement.
So - the wine in his cupboard, he’s paid for in full, it’s his to do as he wants with. Your full tank of petrol at the start you pay for in full. It’s yours to do what you want with. You agree use it together on the holiday.
While away and at the end of the holiday you share the cost of of filling up. You then have the same amount of petrol in the tank as you had at the start. He has the same amount of wine in his cupboard that he had at the start. You will have shared cost of the petrol (wine) you used together. No one has paid for the petrol/ wine that belongs solely to the other person.

Koalasparkles · 25/05/2023 13:15

PandoraRocks · 24/05/2023 18:29

We've decided now that I will pay all the petrol and he will pay the equivalent for meals out, attractions etc. Its my car and caravan.
He has more disposable income than me but we have always paid halves for everything. We've been together a long time.

So..

  1. if you've been together a long time, why are you both quibbling about this?
  2. if he has more disposable income does he not treat you every now and then? Pay for that meal, drinks etc instead of splitting? Seems like the right thing to do if you care about someone. Also you'll naturally be spending more money than you otherwise would have done as he has more money to spare
  3. honestly, this is ridiculous
knobheeeeed · 25/05/2023 13:26

Koalasparkles · 25/05/2023 13:15

So..

  1. if you've been together a long time, why are you both quibbling about this?
  2. if he has more disposable income does he not treat you every now and then? Pay for that meal, drinks etc instead of splitting? Seems like the right thing to do if you care about someone. Also you'll naturally be spending more money than you otherwise would have done as he has more money to spare
  3. honestly, this is ridiculous
Show quote history

I very much suspect the answer to number 2 is no, considering this is the bloke who didn't want to share the cost of a 10 quid electricity hook up on one night of a mini-break because he said they'd be arrive late and he wouldn't need the electricity and the OP should pay for that night's electricity hook-up herself. Then when the OP said that wasn't on, he said he'd go and sleep in his van instead.
So nope, I bet he's not saying hey OP, I'll pay for the drinks tonight.

HarrietJet · 25/05/2023 13:33

I can't even imagine going on holiday with someone I'd quibbled with over 50 quid before even setting off 🤦‍♀️

nettie434 · 25/05/2023 13:34

I'd be slightly worried about the meals out and attractions if this is a man that will sleep in a van rather than contributing his share of electricity (remembering that the OP has said he is not short of money).

If someone invited me to stay in their caravan and was going to drive me to where we were staying, I'd want to pay for all the petrol at least!

EdinaCrump · 25/05/2023 13:37

This man sounds absolutely horrid.

I couldn’t even be friends with someone who was like this, let alone partners.

I suggest you bill him for your time driving and wear and tear on the vehicles and then tell him to do one.

LadyDanburysHat · 25/05/2023 13:38

What a miserable relationship if you've been together a long time and split hairs over money this way.

I hope he's at least good in bed, or I see no reason why you would want to be with this penny pincher.

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