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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm spending more than DP on petrol on the holiday?

117 replies

PandoraRocks · 24/05/2023 17:14

DP and I are going away. We don't live together so have separate expenses etc.
I've just spent £100 filling the tank and that will get us to our destination towing a caravan. I've asked DP for half the cost of the petrol but he's said that instead of that, I'll return home with a full tank so I'll have the benefit of a replacement tank of petrol. Problem is he expects me to pay half of that tank. The way I see it, I'm paying for 1.5 tanks of petrol but he says I'll have a full tank when I get home which he won't be using.

Am I being dense here?🤯 I just think it would be fairer if we paid halves for the petrol as we use it on the holiday and when we're back it should be near empty.

OP posts:
Kay286 · 24/05/2023 17:47

Genuinely struggle with the thought of people having relationships like this with desperate money penny pinching about who spends what.

SiegeOfBees · 24/05/2023 17:53

with desperate money penny pinching about who spends what.

I guess it depends on how few pennies a person has, and who ends up spending theirs most often.

Maybe OP is constantly spending whilst the DP takes full advantage of keeping a full wallet.

Aaarrgg · 24/05/2023 17:56

You start with a full tank. You end with a full tank. You split the amount that is spent on fuel in the interim. That's fair.

If you ask him to pay for the currently full tank, then you should return with an empty tank at the end.

Freefall212 · 24/05/2023 17:57

Good grief this is petty. You nickle and dime him for petrol in a serious / long term relationship? Is this a very new relationship?

I am completely team DP.

I can only imagine the responses if it was woman posting that her DP was nickle amd diming her for petrol on a weekend away and was upset she might get a little more petrol than she paid for.

CreamTeaThievery · 24/05/2023 17:59

What your dp is suggesting is fair

At the start of the holiday you have a full tank of fuel.

At the end of the holiday (when you are back at home) you will also have a full tank of fuel to continue using in your normal business.

The cost of returning you to the position of a full tank is split between the two of you.

SunnyFrost · 24/05/2023 18:02

ButterCrackers · 24/05/2023 17:25

He expects you to pay half for the full tank he will get so he should pay half for the full tank you got.

Not if they only use one tank and the OP is left with a full tank at the end of the holiday for her own personal use. I think the DP is right - they leave with a full tank then fill up again at the end. They split the cost of that fill up I.e. the fuel that was used on the trip. So ultimately it’s like the holiday never happened and OP bought herself a full tank of fuel beforehand which she’s then left with afterwards.

Yes it would be great not to have to split hairs but many people are simply not able to dismiss £50 here and there. If you’re on a very tight budget you don’t have the privilege of not having to care about the pennies, even in a relationship.

DarkDarkNight · 24/05/2023 18:02

Does everything have to be even and fair every time? It sounds more like a business transaction than a romantic relationship.

Surely it’s give and take? You pay for the petrol, he pays for a meal out for example. You both sound as bad as each other.

SunnyFrost · 24/05/2023 18:02

CreamTeaThievery · 24/05/2023 17:59

What your dp is suggesting is fair

At the start of the holiday you have a full tank of fuel.

At the end of the holiday (when you are back at home) you will also have a full tank of fuel to continue using in your normal business.

The cost of returning you to the position of a full tank is split between the two of you.

This is exactly what I was trying to say but far clearer than my attempt!

GoodChat · 24/05/2023 18:02

cocksstrideintheevening · 24/05/2023 17:32

You're arguing over £50? Who could be arsed with that?

People who £50 means a lot to and who's supposed to be feeling equal in their (presumably relatively new) relationship?

Freefall212 · 24/05/2023 18:05

GoodChat · 24/05/2023 18:02

People who £50 means a lot to and who's supposed to be feeling equal in their (presumably relatively new) relationship?

Show quote history

I wonder if they have really counted every penny since the moment they met to be sure it is exactly equal. I couldn't live like that either.

And her partner is right. He has no obligation in this everything must be exactly 50/50 arrangement to contribute beyond half the petrol used on the trip.

Littlebluebellwoods · 24/05/2023 18:05

Key bit of info missing, how much petrol is actually needed?

if you pay for a 1.5 tank and get home with a full tank, you habe spent 50 quid . So half a tank. So how much petrol is needed?

NamelessNancy · 24/05/2023 18:06

But the OP says one full tank will get them there, not there and back. He intends splitting the cost of the refueling to get back with an empty tank at the end? I think? If I've understood right OP is right, she pays 3/4 of the total.

To those saying life's too short to penny pinch that may be true if both parties are generally fair/give and take but it might get wearing if always very one sided. Also there are people who simply can't afford to pay over their fair share regardless.

Freefall212 · 24/05/2023 18:08

NamelessNancy · 24/05/2023 18:06

But the OP says one full tank will get them there, not there and back. He intends splitting the cost of the refueling to get back with an empty tank at the end? I think? If I've understood right OP is right, she pays 3/4 of the total.

To those saying life's too short to penny pinch that may be true if both parties are generally fair/give and take but it might get wearing if always very one sided. Also there are people who simply can't afford to pay over their fair share regardless.

OP says she will return home with a full tank and that is the petrol he doesn't want to pay for as only she will be using the car after the trip

TokyoSushi · 24/05/2023 18:09

Technically he is right, but I couldn't be dealing with this, it's both tight fisted & petty in equal measure!

VeggieSalsa · 24/05/2023 18:13

You’ve paid for 1.5 and he’s paid for 0.5, but you have the benefit of a full tank to use once you get home (I.e. for your personal, non-joint use), so it’s right that you pay for one tank more than he does.

He’s right.

NamelessNancy · 24/05/2023 18:13

Freefall212 · 24/05/2023 18:08

OP says she will return home with a full tank and that is the petrol he doesn't want to pay for as only she will be using the car after the trip

Show quote history

Ah ok, I thought she meant they'd use a second full tank to return. In that case if a full tank does both ways the partner's fair share of fuel would be half a tank total.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/05/2023 18:13

greennotepad · 24/05/2023 17:25

I couldn't be in a relationship that splits hairs about money this way!

Me neither.

Just seems so so strange to me.

LakieLady · 24/05/2023 18:13

greennotepad · 24/05/2023 17:25

I couldn't be in a relationship that splits hairs about money this way!

Me too!

I can't bear that sort of meanness.

knobheeeeed · 24/05/2023 18:16

I'm maybe too tired this evening to think properly but I don't understand how the tank will be full when she gets back home

PaigeMatthews · 24/05/2023 18:16

Freefall212 · 24/05/2023 18:08

OP says she will return home with a full tank and that is the petrol he doesn't want to pay for as only she will be using the car after the trip

Show quote history

Her dp, not op said she will return home with a full tank of petrol. How?

GoalShooter · 24/05/2023 18:19

The tank will be full when she gets home because they'll refill it at that point and split the cost. I think he's right OP, if the £100 tank is about the right amount to get you there and back. Because splitting the tank at the end is the same as splitting it at the beginning surely?

SummerHouse · 24/05/2023 18:19

Its the same either way. Either he pays half now £50 or he pays half when you are back £50. This seems a very joyless way to start a holiday...

underneaththeash · 24/05/2023 18:20

He's not your DP anyway as you don't live together or share finances.
Just call him your boyfriend.

As you're doing the driving, you get to decide how it's paid.

NamelessNancy · 24/05/2023 18:23

But "return with a full tank" could mean return using another full tank paid for on holiday couldn't it? That's what I took it to mean initially.

PaigeMatthews · 24/05/2023 18:25

It is op’s caravan. She pays all costs for it and bought it herself. After reading this from op, Ive no doubt that her dp will in no way be paying his fair share;

The organiser of the event has decided to start charging £10 per night for electric hook up. We are there for 4 nights. DP has told me he doesn't need electric for Thursday night as he is taking a flask so won't need a kettle and doesn't need heating or hairdryer like me. He has told me to pay the £10 myself. I told him he was being unbelievably petty and he can sit in the dark cause he won't be using my caravan battery then so he said he will sleep in his van instead.

when one person is tight to this extent, the other person has to watch their spending very carefully or theyll be paying for everything without realising.