To report this touchy feely sports coach

[Namechangey23]

Name changed for this one in case it's traceable. I just joined an amateur sports club in a beginner's group. I was really enjoying myself, been going for several weeks, nice to chat with people and be outdoors. Up until yesterday that is when one of the male coaches took it upon himself to brush the grass off my back and brush my bum. No one else got this 'treatment' just me, and we all had grass on our backs as we'd just been on doing some exercises on the floor!

The other coaches were in front so wouldn't have seen, there may have been someone else behind me but I'm not sure. I'm absolutely kicking myself for not spinning round and saying what the f*ck do you think you are doing, keep your hands off me! But in the moment I was so shocked and embarrassed I just got in my car and drove home seething! I was so upset afterwards and feel like it has ruined it for me, also annoyed at myself for not reacting but it's not like I saw it coming as he was behind me.

On reflection I wonder if he got the wrong idea as we were all laughing and joking as a group and he was saying something about he was washing his car before the group started and I joked he could wash my car because it's very dirty and I hate doing it. 🫣 I know, honestly it didn't sound like ineuendo in my head at all! However I still don't think this gives him carte blanche to feel me up!! Ick. I have a moral duty to report this to the sports group leader though now don't I now?! He could be feeling up more vulnerable women and teens for all I know as they take young people at this club too.

Problem is on the group social media chat I have shared something which reveals where I live (related to the sport!) Which cannot now be removed. I also have a young family so scared what the repercussions could be if I report it and he loses his (presumably voluntary) position or reputation. I don't know how I would even word it to them. I can't go back now can I? Because of this idiot. So annoyed this has happened on something that was supposed to be quality time for me, and trying to make some sense of it. What would you do, report him or just leave the group and find a better one?

Surely as a male coach he’d know you don’t touch women without checking with them first and you certainly don’t brush your hand across their bum? I’m sure they all have some safeguarding training these days.
If you’re not going back just send a note to the organiser saying why. It’s up to them what they do with the info.

I can confidently say I wouldn't give this a thought to be honest - based on how you have described it.

A gropey creep might sulk/flounce when pulled up on his gropey creepy actions instead of learning something and behaving like a decent human being.

Not sure the world needs any groups like that to exist

Please ignore all the posters telling you that they wouldn't have a problem, and wouldn't 'make a fuss'/ report this creepy dude!

I teach self-defence, and we always tell women to trust their intuition (if something feels off, it usually is) and this sounds like a classic example of a guy testing a woman's boundaries to work out what he can get away with (a classic technique used by men who who commit rape).

It IS legally assault to touch anyone, even just their back, never mind their bum. And this wasn't an 'accident' in any way, he obviously intended to touch you.

There is absolutely no excuse for him to touch anyone at all (men, women, children) without their consent. And anyone working in sports should know this. If they don't, that sport is better off without them.

If he was a decent human being, he could easily have said something to you first, like "there's grass all over your back, do you want me to brush it off for you?" and only gone ahead with your agreement.

I am horrified at the number of women on here claiming that they would 'automatically' assault a casual acquaintance in this way.

I would not say anything on this occasion, I don't think your concern will be taken seriously. However I would be watching him like a hawk, how he interacts with others and if anything else feels off. It may have been accidental, or a way of testing boundaries. If he is a wrong 'un he will no doubt try again. I am a complainer by nature, but I would not on this occasion. I am well aware of groping pests, depressingly there are so many of them, but I genuinely don't think your complaint will be taken seriously with this incident. He will explain it away. Your jokes about washing cars were not a come on, if he took it that way, that's on him.

I am disgusted at the people minimising this. It all feeds into the women shouldn't make a fuss narrative.

Unless he's asked for your consent, he should not be touching you at all..short of a medical emergency.

I've worked with coaches, personal trainers etc. They always ask or tell what they're going to do and that's in a professional context.

Slow hand clap for all the people naysaying you on here. I'd love to know what those with young children are teaching them about consent and bodily autonomy.