I am really hoping this doesn't turn into a man-bashing thread, but here goes...
I am wondering if any of you have experience of your partner (or indeed yourself) deciding to "step up". What prompted this decision? Was it successful, as in, did it result in long-term change? Was therapy involved and did it help?
Basically, like a large number of other women, after our first child arrived, I felt like I was doing the lion's share of all the domestic duties. My husband isn't a horribly selfish person, but since the birth most of the time he just doesn't put himself out to help out. For example, he will not forgo drinking his coffee quietly while it's still hot in order to change a dirty diaper, wipe sticky hands, bring down washing, etc. He has no compunction about leaving DC to whine and cry that he's hungry, because DH wants to finish watching an episode of his show before he deals with dinner. He leaves the dishes to do "in the morning", when having a cluttered and messy kitchen makes life harder in the mornings.
Before kids, there were just not so many of these time sensitive tasks and he doesn't seem to realise that this is life with small children - that a lot of our ability to do exactly what we want when we want is on hold until DC is more independent.
However. He really, truly believes he is being an equal partner. He wants to be an equal partner. He thinks he is doing the lion's share, and thinks my expectations are either being met or are unreasonable. By any measure, I am doing more, but he just doesn't accept this. To me, it really feels like he has the mindset of a young guy without responsibilities and just has a bit of "growing up" (for want of a better term) to do, than that he is a bad, selfish, waste of space human. I'm just not sure how long I can deal with the current situation and am looking for hope.
I hear a lot about ExPs who didn't step up, and I hear a lot about people who never felt they had to, but I don't think I've ever read a thread where people talk about successful personal growth in this way.
So I am wondering, were any of you in a similar situation? Did you have a partner who thought they were sharing the load (or did you yourself), until the scales fell from their eyes? What prompted that realisation, and did it stick?
And before it is brought up, we are both open to couples counselling, but we have not yet had a lot of success with it.