Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this incredibly racist or am I being sensitive

641 replies

Restaurantlover · 22/05/2023 15:10

Have had to nc as incredibly outing.

I enquired about a blossom tree installation in my restaurant, someone got back to me with a quote and I said great what’s his timescales. He let me know a date and I told him it would be suitable but nothing yet agreed.
Next thing I know he says he requires a 50% deposit because he’s ordered the blossom for the tree.
I never asked him to order the blossom, never agreed that the work would actually be done and certainly didn’t agree to give him 50% upfront.

I’ve had to block him as he is continuously ringing and messaging me and is just being plain nasty, to both my husband and I.

I think he’s gone a step too far with this Facebook post though, the reference to scrubbing korma pans and polishing shoes just gets to me, I feel he’s being racist, we have an Indian restaurant but I don’t actually go/work there so he’s obviously made that up to be spiteful.

Is this incredibly racist or am I being sensitive
OP posts:
InBeautifulKindWays · 22/05/2023 18:24

Also, having just read more of the thread and looked at usernames, no surprise to see many of the usual racists here. 🙄

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 18:25

I dont understand the deposit issue

Ive just had some work done, the deposit was around half, very just under, like 48% ( I didnt calculate it). He needed to order the materials.

What should people be paying for deposits then?

And of OP was happy to pay 20% which is still a huge sum, why not the 50%, if you were happy to do business with him with a 20% deposit, why not a 50% deposit, its still the same business person?

TheGander · 22/05/2023 18:25

OneTC · 22/05/2023 18:23

A while ago I was asked for 100% payment before a garage door was fitted.

Did he ask you after starting the work?

No it was in the contract, which I’ll admit I didn’t read fully. Felt anxious about it and in the end he was ok with a 50% deposit, then me checking the door was ok before final payment.

ZeldaFighter · 22/05/2023 18:25

Yes, unbelievably racist- playing on stereotypes about people of colour doing manual jobs. Report him to the Facebook groups admin and then try to never think of him again.

Sorry you've had to deal with this.

ThereIbledit · 22/05/2023 18:25

The guy said he had a photo of her doing that, so
I have no idea why that is racism.

And she said only men work in the restaurant kitchen, so he's made that up, along with the "they sent me a photo of their range rover and Dubai yacht" bobbins.

Along with the more recent update he sounds like a trier and unhinged. Keep screenshots, block and move on.

(and nobody should start work on a commission without having first received a deposit).

Intarestine · 22/05/2023 18:26

Ineedtoloseweightnow · 22/05/2023 17:49

Totally off topic but how are people able to find the facebook content and restaurant reviews with no name shared 🤯 blows my mind!

This is why I love mumsnet. The ability to change names and try to hide away from these online sleuths. Most of them will say they hate the name changing feature for some other reason but it's so they can go digging and trawling through information at will. They have a lot of time on their hands.

OneTC · 22/05/2023 18:26

TheGander · 22/05/2023 18:25

No it was in the contract, which I’ll admit I didn’t read fully. Felt anxious about it and in the end he was ok with a 50% deposit, then me checking the door was ok before final payment.

Show quote history

So really in fact totally different to the circumstances outlined itt

ItsFunToBeAVampire · 22/05/2023 18:27

Yes, it's absolutely racist. I'm surprised more people can't see it.

Intarestine · 22/05/2023 18:28

Helloword · 22/05/2023 17:55

I don't find racism acceptable but we magnify the offence caused by a nasty person's comment but tend to.turn blind eyes to more harmful discrimination if it is not targeting at us.

To be honest, I am tired of brown people accepting so much discrimination in our own society but then having such different standards in the western world. To be fair, you were born in the UK. So you never really experienced the country I grew up in, and do not know the kind of discriminations exist and are accepted in our society, especially against women. But noone speaks for that horrible discrimination against people in lower hierarchy in our society, but we take such offeces from tereotypingg.

Back to this scenario, your op had the part hidden about Indian owners and even in subsequent posts, you didnt show any interest in taking actions against him for the tangible offences like VAT avoidance, harassing clients and more focused on getting everyone agree that his korma comment had racist undertone.

At least you can teach this business, to not cheat ( he said he already has spare tree and then claimed he order new one for you- this was also not in op), bully a customer, and save potential customers from his Racism and bullying, rather than get us all agreeing that he was incredibly racist based incomplete info in the OP.

In your title you ask if you are being sensitive but now you say it is posters like me not being sensitive enough. Seeing all your posts and another poster finding out he referred you as Indian owner was racist.

Show quote history

Well said.

OneTC · 22/05/2023 18:28

It's really not unusual to treat sole traders and companies without substance differently to entities of substance btw. To all the people whining about how unfair it is to small businesses

ThereIbledit · 22/05/2023 18:29

And of OP was happy to pay 20% which is still a huge sum, why not the 50%

Presumably because it's a lot less money to lose if she'd have taken the risk of going with a person who she found on facebook without knowing his address who could fuck off without notice with her deposit.

botanicalart · 22/05/2023 18:29

It is a Pakistani restaurant.
Why do you think its okay to call it Indian

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 18:30

SchoolQuestionnaire · 22/05/2023 17:30

I’d be reluctant to fork out 4K deposit to an unknown ‘tradesman’ with no record on Companies House who isn’t even VAT registered. If he doesn’t want to incur a ‘business loss’ he should probably bother to actually establish a proper business.

Op he is a nasty racist who’s clearly bitter about your success and seems to think you owe him a living. You don’t need to reply to the post or defend yourself. He’s doing a great job in fucking up his own pretend business with his horrible attitude.

Show quote history

This doesnt make sense, if you'd be unhappy to fork out a deposit, in this case 4k to an unknown tradesman, then surely you wouldnt use them at all, OP was in the business of asking him to do a piece of work for her so whether hes on this or that website/VAT registered (and neither of those are requirements dependent on income), is irrelevant, she either wanted to do business with him or didnt.

The fact he's an arsehole is a different kettle of fish

Paradise404 · 22/05/2023 18:30

Redebs · 22/05/2023 18:08

It's normal to refer to what was cooked in a pan when describing washing it up, because it makes a difference to how easy or not it is to clean.

Show quote history

Only if you're engaging in a technical housekeeping discussion as to the ease of cleaning, which isn't the case here.
It's even more stupid because curry being liquid is easy to clean off pans, and it would have been impossible to tell what was in them at a distance anyway (presumably they didn't enter the kitchen and stand close enough to examine).

Intarestine · 22/05/2023 18:30

Helloword · 22/05/2023 17:59

Why is it ok to call people thick? All kind of abuse is bad. People might be reading fast, busy with other things, also op didnt post everything in her OP and did a fair amount of drip feeding.

People you are calling thick are nor sitting on jury duty going through all the details carefully.

Show quote history

I agree. It makes some people feel better to call people thick and dim because those people supposedly can't see what they can THIS TIME. Says more about those people tbh: not better than other name-callers, racist or not.

MrsPerfect12 · 22/05/2023 18:31

I'm glad he's faced backlash, it sounds like your local community knows you are good people.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/05/2023 18:34

botanicalart · 22/05/2023 18:29

It is a Pakistani restaurant.
Why do you think its okay to call it Indian

Wellll... the restaurant has 'Indian' in the name and advertises 'Indian Cuisine' so I think thats probably fair enough.

Paradise404 · 22/05/2023 18:34

@Helloword I agree that the UK is less racist compared to other places, maybe even our own societies. But that doesn't make it OK.

Redebs · 22/05/2023 18:34

botanicalart · 22/05/2023 18:29

It is a Pakistani restaurant.
Why do you think its okay to call it Indian

Pakistan IS part of the Indian subcontinent....

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 22/05/2023 18:34

Stompythedinosaur · 22/05/2023 15:18

I think that telling someone who's given you a quote for work that a quote and date are ok does sound Iike you are agreeing to have the work done. But perhaps they should have got an agreement on paper.

I didn't find the post racist.

It is an unpleasant post no doubt but, if you say price and installation dates are ok you are verbally agreeing to buy it.

If he was really racist, he wouldn’t have ordered the tree without asking you to pay in advance. He trusted you and you let him down.

WisherWood · 22/05/2023 18:36

you didnt show any interest in taking actions against him for the tangible offences like VAT avoidance

We don't know that he is avoiding VAT. His turnover would have to be over £85k before he has to pay it.

Redebs · 22/05/2023 18:37

ZeldaFighter · 22/05/2023 18:25

Yes, unbelievably racist- playing on stereotypes about people of colour doing manual jobs. Report him to the Facebook groups admin and then try to never think of him again.

Sorry you've had to deal with this.

It was THEIR restaurant. Why shouldn't they be working in it???

TonTonMacoute · 22/05/2023 18:38

This guy is completely unhinged.

He has made a stupid mistake and is taking it out on you by being very abusive. If he does carry out his threat and go round to other restaurants telling them what you have ‘done’ he will probably ensure none of them would ever consider doing business with him.

I would say you are sorry that he has misunderstood, but that he shouldn’t have ordered the blossom before he had received your deposit in any case. That is totally down to him.

I would float the idea that what he is doing is racially motivated harassment and if he continues you will take further action (you don’t need to say what, but I would report it if he continues).

Redebs · 22/05/2023 18:39

Paradise404 · 22/05/2023 18:30

Only if you're engaging in a technical housekeeping discussion as to the ease of cleaning, which isn't the case here.
It's even more stupid because curry being liquid is easy to clean off pans, and it would have been impossible to tell what was in them at a distance anyway (presumably they didn't enter the kitchen and stand close enough to examine).

Show quote history

A proper korma isn't as easy to wash off 😁

I was presuming he had photos. I don't have Facebook, so all I have to go on is info in this thread.

For all I know, the artificial tree maker is also Indian 🤣

DemiColon · 22/05/2023 18:41

So people are arguing that the reference to the pans suggests that the restaurant serves Indian food, and therefore the owners are not white, so it's meant to be making a racist comment.

But he is targeting a specific restaurant by name, which advertises itself as serving Indian food. So actually the reference to the pans doesn't add any information that isn't already there.

I'd suggest that he mentions the pans, shoes, and Dubai, in order to make his made up claims about them seem more plausible. Liars often add details like this to seem credible.

He might be a racist, but I don't think those comments tell us one way or another, they do suggest he's very unprofessional and a liar.