Is this incredibly racist or am I being sensitive

[Restaurantlover]

Have had to nc as incredibly outing.

I enquired about a blossom tree installation in my restaurant, someone got back to me with a quote and I said great what’s his timescales. He let me know a date and I told him it would be suitable but nothing yet agreed.
Next thing I know he says he requires a 50% deposit because he’s ordered the blossom for the tree.
I never asked him to order the blossom, never agreed that the work would actually be done and certainly didn’t agree to give him 50% upfront.

I’ve had to block him as he is continuously ringing and messaging me and is just being plain nasty, to both my husband and I.

I think he’s gone a step too far with this Facebook post though, the reference to scrubbing korma pans and polishing shoes just gets to me, I feel he’s being racist, we have an Indian restaurant but I don’t actually go/work there so he’s obviously made that up to be spiteful.

It is quite disturbing the number of people who don't recognise racist microaggressions. I (a white person) actually did a short course on this a few years ago where we had to read various articles or pieces of writing and say if we felt any was problematic in terms of racism/ableism and why etc. I was actually quite embarrassed by the number of things I didn't spot when I thought I was quite 'on it' and I've really been a lot more aware since then. I'd really recommend something similar if you're involved with writing or disseminating written information in any kind of way. It really was a very valuable experience for me. The course leader said something about every time there is a microaggression in text, it's basically saying to the reader 'This is not for you'.

You’ve missed the posts where OP has said (more than once) that she doesn’t work in the restaurant so clearly was not seen scrubbing any pans, korma or otherwise?

Of course it’s racist.

I feel for you and your husband, he sounds like a nasty piece of work. Without a contact or a message saying ok I will now order xxxx and take a deposit of xxxx, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

He knows exactly what he’s doing with those untruthful remarks. It’s racist and disrespectful. The Dubai pass too is also trying to draw certain connotations.
However, as a casual observer, he sounds mental and doesn’t come off well at all. I would report then block him everywhere.

Really not my place to say if he's being racist or not ... he does sound like an arsehole!

There is however, information you're not sharing here OP - how do you get to the point of arguing a deposit without having agreed to him doing the work, and why the reference to your husband attempting to prove he is good for the money?

A significant deposit is standard when it comes to bespoke artistic work like this - up to 50% - 50% is what I charge and no, you won't find me listed on companies house because I am (like many many people) a sole trader and have no need to be a LTD co.

It sounds very much like you knew he was doing the work, and then were slow to pay/argued the cost once he'd done it, and avoided his attempts to contact you.

Otherwise references to you/your husband being good for the money/range rover/Dubai and sending someone to your restaurant to see if you were there make no sense whatsoever.

Did you agree a quote and then later on try to renegotiate the price? That would trigger arsehole behaviour from many people!

Or did you agree a quote and then he later tried to up the price and you refused... again would trigger arsehole behaviour in some people.

Even giving him the benefit of the doubt (generous), how would you know what was actually originally in dirty pans that someone is washing? It was a very pointed remark about the OP's ethnicity because there's almost no way he would know it was korma in the pans she was washing v a myriad other things. It was added unnecessary information that probably wasn't accurate, so why was it added at all?

Totally off topic but how are people able to find the facebook content and restaurant reviews with no name shared 🤯 blows my mind!

Bloody hell, are the racist apologists completely dim as well as racist?

She’s clearly NOT entered into a contract with him as they’re obviously still at the negotiating stage. There is no clear agreement between the two parties.

He’s also making up shit about her and her family and people think that’s ok?

Am I living in a parallel universe here? 😳🤔

It’s staggering the number of replies who don’t bother to read the OPs full comments before throwing in their two cents.

No, she wasn’t scrubbing korma pans, they aren’t holidaying in Dubai on a yacht, and didn’t send photos of their car. Stop embarrassing yourselves.

Just search for a line of the text in his FB post. It came right up

If his points about your DH polishing shoes and you scrubbing pans are not factually correct, then yes it is racist - it's also very unprofessional.

However I can see where the misunderstanding has come from:
You enquired about a blossom tree installation, he gave your a quote and you said "great". He took this as confirmation you wanted it.
You then enquired about timescales and he gave you a date "I told him it would be suitable". So, again he thinks he has your agreement.

He then goes and spends time, money, material to make the tree and you say you don't want it. He is understandably angry.

Also OP has said she wasn't even washing any pans, so I'll go as far to say it's not just racist but misogynistic with the 'scrubber' remark later.

@WiddlinDiddlin

If you require a deposit, why would begin the work without receiving it?

No work should begin before the customer has signed a contract and payed the deposit. It’s just a foolish business practice, particularly for an independent artist.

He's an arse, but he sounds like a genuinely aggrieved arse.
It would be interesting to hear his side of things.

Yep. So much sexism there too.

But people are probably too thick to see that as well.

He sounds like a nasty , racist ,conman Op. I think you’ve dodged a bullet . Ignore those who say you are to blame & his comments are not racist - just shows that the world is still full of ignorant people

But InSpainTheRain she did want the tree. It was the supplier asking for a previously unmentioned sum of 4k in advance of delivering the product that made her reluctant. She offered a more reasonable amount of 2k and at that point he became abusive.

Based on their initial chat he either thought their contract was agreed and later demanded a portion before delivery which would be unreasonable, or was in the process of negotiating terms, in which case he would be unreasonable to be aggrieved.

I don't find racism acceptable but we magnify the offence caused by a nasty person's comment but tend to.turn blind eyes to more harmful discrimination if it is not targeting at us.

To be honest, I am tired of brown people accepting so much discrimination in our own society but then having such different standards in the western world. To be fair, you were born in the UK. So you never really experienced the country I grew up in, and do not know the kind of discriminations exist and are accepted in our society, especially against women. But noone speaks for that horrible discrimination against people in lower hierarchy in our society, but we take such offeces from tereotypingg.

Back to this scenario, your op had the part hidden about Indian owners and even in subsequent posts, you didnt show any interest in taking actions against him for the tangible offences like VAT avoidance, harassing clients and more focused on getting everyone agree that his korma comment had racist undertone.

At least you can teach this business, to not cheat ( he said he already has spare tree and then claimed he order new one for you- this was also not in op), bully a customer, and save potential customers from his Racism and bullying, rather than get us all agreeing that he was incredibly racist based incomplete info in the OP.

In your title you ask if you are being sensitive but now you say it is posters like me not being sensitive enough. Seeing all your posts and another poster finding out he referred you as Indian owner was racist.

I agree.
This whole situation sounds absolutely mad.
The OP didn't send photos but tbf it did sound like there was a verbal contract in place.

I never said I don’t want it.
I was surprised when he said he wanted a 50% deposit because it was never discussed previously. I didn’t want to pay 50%, but suggested 20%. He then got nasty, he didn’t even bother to try to come to an arrangement so we were both happy.

I think he wanted to scam you.

Why is it ok to call people thick? All kind of abuse is bad. People might be reading fast, busy with other things, also op didnt post everything in her OP and did a fair amount of drip feeding.

People you are calling thick are nor sitting on jury duty going through all the details carefully.

The comments are 100% not acceptable.

you didn't agree to anything, just confirmed the price was okay. He shouldn't order anything until the deposit was paid so that's on him.

post your conversation on his FB post to show he's lying.

No, no pictures were ever sent.
However DH Facebook/WhatsApp profile pic is a photo oh his Range Rover in front of the restaurant. And has been the same pic since the beginning of time.

A few of the private messages he’s sent is that my Dh and I are just old people trying to be relevant and showing off with a leased car, pretending to be rich etc. which couldn’t be further from the truth.

This thread is more proof that MN is a cesspit of short sited racists who stamp their feet when someone dares challenge their perception of the world.

Are you seriously saying that you'd start work before any money had changed hands? If so what's the point of the deposit?